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No one ever told me it...I had no guidance, so had to develop my own system or die. Sorry it had that effect on you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by violetnights
Ah, "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps" was a term I heard often growing up in Texas. I also lived the philosophy for many years. My parents are lovely people but they turn a blind eye to personal struggles and emotional issues. It's not that they don't care, they are terrified of them and numb their own. I find the suggestion to "pull yourself up from your bootstraps" terribly invalidating, dismissive, and ineffective. The wounded parts of us don't go away if ignored, they fester until our lives become shadowed by seemingly insidious sadness, depression, anxiety, addiction, etc. That has been my experience anyway.
To much esoteric melodrama, the term "Pulling oneself up by the bootstrap" or just "bootstrapping" was never intended to cover up emotional trauma or neglect.
Bootstrapping is a business term for working with no money or resources. You eat what you kill. You work until you profit by your own means.
On an individual basis, to pull yourself up by your bootstrap is to use your own means to be self sufficient. No loans from parents or family members or outside sources. " I bootstrapped my way through college on three jobs!"
This all goes back to the depression. It is a way of making ends meet. "All I have are the boots on my feet and it is all I need to make my way in this world."
In the posts I have read so far, the feeling you are putting out is much darker. You seem to have an undercurrent of neglect you want to get off your chest.
I am a positive person insofar as I believe I make my own destiny, I am independent of other thoughts and critisims. This does not appear to be your case?
Am I reading too much into what you are saying, or rather what your not saying?
Last edited by BugManTPC; 03-25-2013 at 05:17 AM..
Reason: Spelling
I agree with the PP - there is no merit in letting emotional needs go unmet, and "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" does not mean living a solitary life where you never have any help with your burdens, literal or figurative.
To me, it means giving your situation everything you've possibly got, working as hard as you can (whether it is two jobs, growing your own food, whatever measure you would have to do pre societal welfare.) It doesn't even HAVE to mean that you never accept help, but it does mean that you don't take help that you don't truly need. Such a person would never take food stamps if the McD's in their neighborhood was hiring for weekend crew, and they could work more hours. They seek out honest ways to provide for themselves and their own, all while reaching to better their station in life.
They don't turn their backs on friends who want to hold them at the end of a long day, or nurse trauma in silence.
To much esoteric melodrama, the term "Pulling oneself up by the bootstrap" or just "bootstrapping" was never intended to cover up emotional trauma or neglect.
Bootstrapping is a business term for working with no money or resources. You eat what you kill. You work until you profit by your own means.
On an individual basis, to pull yourself up by your bootstrap is to use your own means to be self sufficient. No loans from parents or family members or outside sources. " I bootstrapped my way through college on three jobs!"
This all goes back to the depression. It is a way of making ends meet. "All I have are the boots on my feet and it is all I need to make my way in this world."
In the posts I have read so far, the feeling you are putting out is much darker. You seem to have an undercurrent of neglect you want to get off your chest.
I am a positive person insofar as I believe I make my own destiny, I am independent of other thoughts and critisims. This does not appear to be your case?
Am I reading too much into what you are saying, or rather what your not saying?
Thanks for your post. You generally have it right. I am a positive person as well, but the positivity has only emerged because any room for error would have probably left me in very bad shape.
Thank you, for the longest time it was not financially or logistically possible to get any sort of external assistance. Pulling myself up by the boostraps has worked but it has only taken me so far. I hope that makes sense.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rohirette
I agree with the PP - there is no merit in letting emotional needs go unmet, and "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" does not mean living a solitary life where you never have any help with your burdens, literal or figurative.
To me, it means giving your situation everything you've possibly got, working as hard as you can (whether it is two jobs, growing your own food, whatever measure you would have to do pre societal welfare.) It doesn't even HAVE to mean that you never accept help, but it does mean that you don't take help that you don't truly need. Such a person would never take food stamps if the McD's in their neighborhood was hiring for weekend crew, and they could work more hours. They seek out honest ways to provide for themselves and their own, all while reaching to better their station in life.
They don't turn their backs on friends who want to hold them at the end of a long day, or nurse trauma in silence.
It is essentially a self sustaining process that proceeds without external help.....a metaphor. I think that link should explain it.
I've done that and holy hell is it hard. Even now with me supporting more then myself I just want to give up and drift away like i've done my entire 20s. What I would say to anyone having to bootstrap themselves as a child is, do good in school, stay in shape, join the military, think before you open your mouth, and you'll do fine. Some would argue that doing good in school is enough, but the emotional support or structure is missing when you support yourself. That is where the military structure is. I know that's what I should have done, avoid the headaches of my past.
I think your advice is great. Tried to get into the military when younger but couldn't because of a health issue. Now I am a defense contractor....after meeting enough structured folks in the military I can see who has it right and who doesn't. I take their positives and throw away the rest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kremit
I've done that and holy hell is it hard. Even now with me supporting more then myself I just want to give up and drift away like i've done my entire 20s. What I would say to anyone having to bootstrap themselves as a child is, do good in school, stay in shape, join the military, think before you open your mouth, and you'll do fine. Some would argue that doing good in school is enough, but the emotional support or structure is missing when you support yourself. That is where the military structure is. I know that's what I should have done, avoid the headaches of my past.
I was raised with "sink or swim." Don't know if that is pretty much the same thing you are talking about? Parents made sure kids had a roof over their heads, healthcare, food to eat, religious training . . . but you turn 18 and good luck, figure it out. The folks I grew up around pretty much all had this attitude. You don't "do things" for your kids - they have to learn on their own. It builds character. Pay your way through school, figure out how to live on your own, join the military, get married, but no more help from mom and dad, even in a crisis. If you can't pull it together, you don't move back home, parents don't give kids money, and parents don't "bail the kids out." And you are forever the black sheep if you embarrass or disappoint the family.
Any person who believes that he has pulled himself up by the bootstraps has actually prospered by taking advantage of people who were unwilling or unaware that they were helping him. But he was still gaining rungs on the ladder by stepping on other people or holding onto their coat-tails or hiding behind their skirts.
I'm getting better at pulling myself up by my bootstraps. While no man is an island, I do feel that we have to a lot of the work of recovery for ourselves and I'm learning to do that in certain areas of my life.
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