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Don't assume i'm disdainful towards them because you might believe I have an irrational belief that a therapist is essentially a miracle worker. That's not the case at all, I just find no purpose for most of them. I don't care how many degrees one may have, he/she doesn't know what the hell i'm going through. That one underlying factor, makes all their training, field work, and years in grad school completely irrelevant, and till this day I haven't been proven wrong. But maybe you're right, maybe I haven't seen the right therapist yet, who knows? At the end of the day, I've gotten better advice from a regular Joe than a licensed professional.
Good therapy is not about the therapist "understanding what you are going through." It's YOU understanding that you can change your thought processes to become healthier. It sound like you just want to talk about your problems and feel like a tragic special snowflake (narcissism) but a good therapist is going to want to quickly move on from the wallowing and start working on techniques to help you think and act differently.
Do you really want to change? Or do you just want to be "understood"?
Good therapy is not about the therapist "understanding what you are going through." It's YOU understanding that you can change your thought processes to become healthier. It sound like you just want to talk about your problems and feel like a tragic special snowflake (narcissism) but a good therapist is going to want to quickly move on from the wallowing and start working on techniques to help you think and act differently.
Do you really want to change? Or do you just want to be "understood"?
Yes, I am pretty much a narcissist, I really don't care about too many people because no one ever really cared about me. It's just the way I perceive everyday life. Everyone just seems like an enemy to me, I can't help it. I mentioned in an earlier post that i'm battling the urge to stay miserable or, "getting better". I believe that staying miserable will one day help me seek out my revenge on those who have hurt me in the past. But, I'm also scared of getting better, because if I run into the perfect opportunity to get my revenge I'm probably going to hate myself for not doing it. I know, I'm very confusing, but it's just how my head works. I guess i just never had the proper outlet to express my pain.
Have you tried cannabis? It is the most effective of anything, overall, for controlling anger. In NY, there is a $100 fine for possession of a small amount & nutty Bloomberg has tried to get police to demand possessors take it out of their pockets, so police can give bigger penalty for public display. I talked to a psychiatrist who admitted Big Pharma does not really have anything good for controlling anger.
Yes I have tired cannabis. I love it, but I don't really have a place to smoke it. Only time I do it is in my friends backyard, but I rarely see him.
I'm well aware of this 20yrsinBranson.
But I really do have a demon inside of me (or maybe a couple of them). A part of me loves feeling miserable, it's the only way I know how to deal with myself, it's the only way I can express myself. Another part of me believes that I'll get out of this and see better days. I can definitely admit that today is much better than 5 years ago today. However, the sadness, anger, and despair from all my trials through life have stayed with me, and created a monster within me in the process.
You might pick up a copy of "Bad Childhood - Good Life" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It has helped other people and it may be helpful to you.
I guess what concerns me is that you appear bright and with some insight into your issues yet kinda stuck in the past...? =). Therapy is not a be all and end all but most people find that an empathic good listener does take some of the pain away for a period of time. Many issues are resolved in those sessions just by the presence of another human being.
I would say first that you are not alone and many people don't have the strengths that you have so plotting to get back at people, while it tightens our tummy and focuses our mind is not as helpful as forgiveness, however that process may take many years.
I suggest that allowing success to be the best revenge,has worked for many people. Many people who conquer the odds feel real gains in confidence from walking away from the past into a successful future far better than retribution. Additionally, you have in my view from what little I hear many tools to use as you move forward. Why waste time on people who either did not understand you in the first place or were just uncaring or worse.
I've had some of the same problems with obsessing about the past and with narcissism as the OP.
I can tell you that a solutions oriented therapist is what I need. All I want is to be analyzed, diagnosed, and studied. But I can tell you that what I need is to change my thinking patterns and behaviors.
Start with this man, and I'm deathly serious. Eliminate all chemicals from your system. Starting now. No more Mountain Dew, no more Skittles, NOTHING with artificial colors or flavors. Before you think I'm crazier than you are, consider this: it takes THREE DAYS to get this crap out of your system. THREE DAYS. Read labels. Even yellow cheese has useless chemicals. Just try it. That will be your first real step to clear thinking. It's really not that difficult. I have a sneaking suspicion these chemicals are having horrible affects on your thought patterns.
NOW, once that's done you need to start looking for PTS treatment. Have you ever called a victim hotline? There are people trained to take what you tell them and find the right path for getting better. You can do this.
Here is my advice, but by no means am I a professional:
1. Remove yourself from the situation, and move far away. Your obsession with others and the past are easy to focus on when your childhood is all around you, and you have to interact with those who tormented you on a daily basis. If you have graduated from school, use your degree to find a job in another state. Build a new life and don't look back.
2. IF cannibis is helpful for you, then move to a state that has a medical marijuana law that will allow you to use cannibis to treat your illness. Though I have never used marijuana, I do believe that it does have medicinal value.
3. Learn to meditate. Meditating will help you control your mind and your body, and help you focus your energies away from revenge.
4. Another possibility is to get a pet. The responsibility of raising a pet may help you learn to focus your thoughts and energies outward. Caring for another living creature can be therapeutic. The unconditional love of a pet certainly is therapeutic.
Combine any or all of these strategies with therapy (yes, you need to keep at it) and hard work or exercise (a healthy body can help you attain a healthy mind).
It sounds like you continually go over past events in your mind, never letting things go. Everyone has been wronged by family, neighbors, co-workers, etc. Everybody.
Can you imagine if all of us thought about nothing but revenge? You must be mentally exhausted to keep living your past. Your current life can be so much more by realizing that the past must remain there. I can't tell you how to accomplish this, but I agree with a previous poster who recommended talking with a member of the clergy.
Forgiving and forgetting is hard, very hard. That's why it builds our character and makes us so much better. I wish you peace. Very much so.
I agree. I had a very difficult childhood as well. Please do not hurt anyone. You are also putting yourself at risk physically and risking you freedom. You must find a way to work through it. You are repeating these events and its true very painful experiences leave imprints that have no sense of time. One can relive it like it just happened. You have to press forward or you will, if nit suffer bad consequence from acting out the action will be stuck in a vicious cycle and limit yourself severely. I wish you much peace and a way forward.
I've thought about it but I don't want to fight for this country.
So you'd rather just fight for no reason at all?
To be honest, you don't seem to actually want help. You come here and complain about emotional instability, balk at suggestions to get therapy and then whine about how pathetic you are. It appears t be more like attention-whoring than something you want to change, to be perfectly honest.
That being said, why not go pick a fight with a cop, a drunken marine or a patch-wearing biker at a local bar? Since nothing else seem to help, getting your ass kicked might actually do you a world of good - despite what the loony left would have you believe.
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