unspoken rules

[RockJock1729]

Originally Posted by purplepeach

How exeactly does one know what the unspoken rules of society are if they are not spoken about??

People typically infer "unspoken rules" of society from their social interactions. They observe others' behavior and use what they see as a model. They identify boundaries from the reactions of others, which can be either informational or normative. Or they are taught such "rules" explicitly by someone else. These observations/lessons/reactions get abstracted into cognitive schemata that they then apply to new situations, and modify as needed.

[Escort Rider]

Some unspoken rules vary from family to family instead of being accepted generally by society as a whole. One such rule is not to criticize family members outside of the family. I ran into that one here on City-Data, when I used the example of a female cousin to illustrate a point, calling her a "loser". Neither the forum (Writing) nor the thread were about family relationships. However, my original point almost got lost in the firestorm of condemnation I reaped for daring to talk that way about a family member. I had supporters too on the issue, of course. In order to address that issue without being off-topic, I started another thread in the Non-Romantic Relationships Forum entitled "Basic Attitudes About Family", maybe about a year (?) ago. That was lively also! Many posters couldn't understand why I didn't understand about not criticizing other family members, and many others took my side in not sharing that particular taboo. The depth of the emotion was surprising.

[brokensky]

Originally Posted by Escort Rider

Some unspoken rules vary from family to family instead of being accepted generally by society as a whole. One such rule is not to criticize family members outside of the family. I ran into that one here on City-Data, when I used the example of a female cousin to illustrate a point, calling her a "loser". Neither the forum (Writing) nor the thread were about family relationships. However, my original point almost got lost in the firestorm of condemnation I reaped for daring to talk that way about a family member. I had supporters too on the issue, of course. In order to address that issue without being off-topic, I started another thread in the Non-Romantic Relationships Forum entitled "Basic Attitudes About Family", maybe about a year (?) ago. That was lively also! Many posters couldn't understand why I didn't understand about not criticizing other family members, and many others took my side in not sharing that particular taboo. The depth of the emotion was surprising.

I think a lot of those "unspoken rules" involve family.

A Universal unspoken rule seems to be that no matter if your mother was an abusive, malevolent witch, you are never supposed to vocalize that you don't like her, much less that you have no feelings of love for her. It doesn't matter if it is well known what a malicious person she was . . . you must never state that you have no feelings for her.

Another to do with family is to never speak ill of someone who is dead . . . and in many families, no matter what kind of ass the deceased might have been, once they are dead, they are to be canonized.

Some other unspoken rules are . . . you don't have an affair with your siblings spouse . . . you ask permission b/f you date a friend's ex . . . you never "kiss and tell" . . . and even if you are doing the "walk of shame" where friends are aware of what has just gone on, no one ever mentions it . . .

Change your underwear every day, lol.

Don't go through other people's personal belongings . . . EVER.

Don't open anyone else's mail . . . EVER.

If you find out, by accident, how much money someone else in your company makes, you never, ever reveal that to anyone else in the company.

If you want to keep a secret, TELL NO ONE.

Those are some of my favorite examples of unspoken rules.

[willy_mays]

Don't pick your teeth then eat the results ... in public.


Also:


"99 common 1 sense"

Ohhhhhh, SNAP~!!!

[purplepeach]

I will check into some of those books. As far as learning from those around you as you grow up, I happen to come from a dysfunctional and abusive family and very unsocial family. I did not learn good social behavior growing up. I am trying to turn this around so my children will have a better start than I had.