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I think the vast majority of people who hurt others do so because of some underlying psychological illness. I tend to find people who are high anxiety tend to hurt others but it's not because they are sadistic instead it goes down to that fight, flight, freeze response where they will fight anything that is connected to the high anxiety state. I also find people with disorders such as Bipolar will hurt others but again their issue is their emotions are dis-regulated so it's not like they have any control over themselves. Then you have the personality disorders such as narcissism, sociopathy, borderline all these people will hurt others and to be honest this group is the least understood as there is really no treatment for them.
Yeah, as a matter of fact, I think this is the best explanation. I've known some bipolar people and they can be really hurtful at times. I have a friend whom I haven't seen in almost a year due to my relocation and sometimes she would say things just to get you riled up.
And take me as one of those who do not understand sociopathy, narcissism and borderline (which I wonder if I could be), I still got the taste of the bottom of my shoe in my mouth from a few minutes ago.
I think it stems from a sense of pleasure and empowerment for some people. One of my ex girlfriends was like this. She just enjoyed hurting people. She seemed to enjoy watching the suffering she caused. It was entirely irrational, and at times even she grappled with it, asking herself why she enjoyed doing what she did. I suggested to her it gave her a sense of empowerment and she agreed, but even as she attempted to identify the source of this behavioral pattern, rather than combat it she embraced it. She just enjoyed the feeling she got from damaging others, I guess. It doesn't compute to a sane mind.
I wonder if this is the other side of the coin 'pleasing someone'. In both, you are getting a reaction from another person.
My Ex got to the point where she delighted in hurting others. She suffered from a variety of afflictions, including paranoia and narcisstic personality disorder. They are vile diseases, and caused her to find great pleasure in inflicting pain and hurt on others, all for her own enjoyment and pleasure.
Whether it was an incessant phone chatter about what a bad person so and so was, and how they could destroy him, or getting a teacher fired rather than discipline one of her children, to a constant stream of effort to remove a local politician, there was intense effort to hurt other people, and it seemed that she delighted in her success in ruining people's lives.
It is a hurtful sickness ( not dismissing it by labeling it as such) which is deep rooted and from which the person seems unable to remove themselves.
You can't appreciate how hurtful their behavior is until you have seen someone degrade, berate, slap and verbally humiliate their own child...and then watch them as they hold the child and hear them tell the child how much they...and only THEY..... love them.
Really, really sick.
My father did that all the time. He did show other signs of narcissism too. However, some say a little bit of narcissism is healthy, but only enough to where you have regard for yourself. It is when people hold it in excess does it get problematic.
However, I don't think that my Father got a kick out of hurting me. He was just a perfectionist.
I wonder if this is the other side of the coin 'pleasing someone'. In both you are getting a reaction from another person.
It is definitely a valid thought. I am not a psychologist and I'm sure individual cases vary, but these do seem to be opposite extremes of the same behavioral spectrum.
This thread has brought back some memories, and not good ones. I just don't understand wanting to hurt or humiliate others.
So do you think bullies fit into the picture of enjoying inflicting pain?
It's possible, but I think generally bullying is more shallow. It's something
Someone can grow out of with time. When you see an adult actively seeking to hurt or humiliate another person I think it is much deeper than bullying. I think a sense of empowerment drives both, but with one it is fleeting and with the other it is ingrained into a person's fabric.
Not an expert, though. Just sharing my thoughts as I see it.
Sometimes it seems like a person may KNOW that they are going to hurt someone else, and they get some sort of enjoyment out of doing it. Why is this so?
I imagine these people just hate themselves.
-or-
They might be jealous, so they find ways of tearing someone down to “humanize” or bring them to their level, if that makes any sense. Envy is an ugly monster, and I think a lot of hate stems from envy. People don’t want to feel bad about themselves, and they don’t want to others well, because it makes them look and feel inferior.
It’s not that they truly HATE the person who is a target, it’s because they don’t want to be short-changed, so they will resort to coping or survival mechanisms to protect themselves. That comes in the form of lashing out or trying to inflict pain.
Mean spirited is putting it mildly.
The most recent guy...
took great pleasure
in consistently hurting me.
I never experienced anything like it-
his iced cold personality was not who I initially was attracted to.
I became used to his sadistic behavior-
and after a certain point, I woke up.
I realized knowing him was like slamming
my hand in the car door, over & over again.
It's insanely painful...and it's pointless.
That's too bad, isn't it crazy how people can change their personality and sometimes it can be difficult to even notice?
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