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I am attracted to this 40-something lady who I want to ask out. I now realize that this lady looks very similar to my mother when she was her age. Face shape, cheek bones, hair, smile, etc. I'm looking at photos of my mom when she was in her 40s raising me as teenager... those two could pass as sisters based on looks alone. Their personalities are different though.
Is this a variation of Oedipus?
Is this attraction unhealthy because of the close resemblance, thus I should not ask this lady on a date?
Of the dozens of people that you know quite well, new acquaintances will frequently possess characteristics that will remind you of someone else you know. If you know 20 people and your mother is one of them, there is one chancel in 20 that any person will remind you of your mother more than anyone else..
I was once in love with a girl who, a few times, made me think of my mother's body language. Other girls I loved did not. It is just coincidence that this one did. In the grand scheme of things, what made this one special to me (they were all special to me in their own way) had nothing to do with my mother.
Stop watching daytime TV psychologists, and get on with your life.
Most likely she isn't directly related to my mother because of her family roots are on different places on the continent where mom's side of the family has never been.
I developed a small crush based on her personality first (which is different than my mom's). We have much in common (goals, values, vegetarians, a few of the same interests/activities - that's how we see each other) and she seems to like me. The next step is to ask for a date.
My mother is still alive. Obviously she has aged and no longer exactly resembles her younger physical self. If I pursued a relationship and things went smoothly between us: I bet both mom and this lady would see the close resemblance (along with other members of my family). That could be a shocker!
Yeah, it's kind of creepy. It looks like you're actively pursuing an incestuous relationship with a pseudo mother figure. I find it really unsettling.
I don't find it unsettling, often times men who have mothers who have sex with men they believe to be god. Their sons have this desire or instinct to remove the original sin or offset it. Usually they become some of the most prolific sexual deviants this world has ever seen.
I wouldn't worry about it. Just because you are attracted to similar looks that your mother possesses does not mean that you are also attracted to your mother. I can acknowledge that my father was attractive when he was younger. Would I date his clone? Well, no, but I wouldn't consider myself to have an Electra complex either if I dated someone who looked a bit similar to him. It doesn't mean I am actually in love with my dad.
Now, it would be weird if you realized early on that she looked like your mom and you pursued her for that reason.
There's this mother -- I wouldn't say I'm 'attracted' to her (I'm not straight) -- I admire her and how she looks only because her son (whom I have feelings for) resembles her. So when I see her I do get the 'butterflies', but then I go to myself "gee relax, it's just his mother".
I wonder what this 'phenomena' is called? Is it also some variation of Oedipus too?
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