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Nothing is helping... I am on 8mg of Xanax a day, started on Ativan, 5MG a day, mixing them both. They are not working, if anything, it is a vicious cycle and making it worse. I am 30 and divorced last year. My bf and i got together shortly afterwards, the first 3 months were amazing, now I realise just how self absorbed and selfish he really is. He doesnt even touch me, not even remotely sexually interesed in me... This has lead to so many feelings of being rejected and being unwanted. And without sounding conceited, I am not an ugly/ obese woman. Again. i cant do this again, moving, finding a new job etc. I have a 7 year old son, and I have to just carry on for him. It is hard, really really hard. Very tempting to take all those benzos at once, but i got my kid. Life is just not fair, but suppose we are all tested at one time or another.....
Nothing is helping... I am on 8mg of Xanax a day, started on Ativan, 5MG a day, mixing them both. They are not working, if anything, it is a vicious cycle and making it worse. I am 30 and divorced last year. My bf and i got together shortly afterwards, the first 3 months were amazing, now I realise just how self absorbed and selfish he really is. He doesnt even touch me, not even remotely sexually interesed in me... This has lead to so many feelings of being rejected and being unwanted. And without sounding conceited, I am not an ugly/ obese woman. Again. i cant do this again, moving, finding a new job etc. I have a 7 year old son, and I have to just carry on for him. It is hard, really really hard. Very tempting to take all those benzos at once, but i got my kid. Life is just not fair, but suppose we are all tested at one time or another.....
Talk to your doctor NOW. If medications are not working for you, you need to change medications.
Therapy may be the best thing you can do to get to the bottom of your feelings. Pills are a short term treatment usually.
I once heard that depression was caused by repressed anger. I thought about it deeply and realized that when I was depressed it was always concerning issues that were unresolved, and unable to be resolved except in my own "thinking".
Letting go of the past that cannot be altered in the present. Meaning people who I was no longer able to connect with for whatever reason.
Since this I have been free of troubling thoughts and depressed feelings. I can now joyfully embrace my life.
It's up to us to create a life worth living. Yes it's more fun sharing life with another, but it isn't found outside of who you are, it must stem from that place.
You have a child to share your life with, that's a gift in itself. Count your blessing and they will increase!
I wish you the best and hope I don't sound like I'm preaching.
OP-sounds as if you need some talk therapy in addition to medication. You seem to have your self worth wrapped up in having having a man in your life.
The moment you got divorced you jumping right into another relationship. That's over so now you're feeling blue again.
If you tell your current boyfriend to get lost,why do you have to move, why do you have to change jobs ?
Is that what you did when you met him- dropped everything and followed him ?
Therapy might help you to understand that a man cannot make you whole. You don't need a man in your life to be worth while, to be lovable, to be successful. You have to like yourself first, then the rest of your life will come together.
In fact, in the mindset you're in right now, it might be best to not date at all for a while. You need to figure out who you are, how you can best raise your child, what you want for the future. What you don't need to do is to rush out and find a guy and give up yourself to walk in his shadow. Only women who feel worthless do that. Please seek the help that will help you develop some self esteem. Good luck.
You are on high doses of 2 highly addictive drugs. They are sedatives, they do nothing for depression, and can make it worse, however your mainstay of treatment is psychotherapy, not medications, there is no quick fix and it sounds like your self worth comes from a relationship with a man, not a safe place for that self worth to come from, that's why you need therapy, and you need to be committed to it, there's no formula for therapy, you have to set the agenda and help the therapist focus in on here and now issues, [not past issues unless they apply currently] and if you're getting good therapy, it will be very difficult, will challenge the way you think, expect to get angry, frustrated, impulsive to quit therapy and return to seeking out a "quick fix" with a pill, which won't happen. If you're looking to feel loved, warm and fuzzy from therapy, it will be worthless and you will be wasting your money. You have to be careful not to maintain yourself in a victim role, and step out of that, get off the drugs with a doctors help because it's dangerous to stop abruptly, and get into therapy. Do it for your 7 yo. Good luck.
Nothing is helping... I am on 8mg of Xanax a day, started on Ativan, 5MG a day, mixing them both. They are not working, if anything, it is a vicious cycle and making it worse. I am 30 and divorced last year. My bf and i got together shortly afterwards, the first 3 months were amazing, now I realise just how self absorbed and selfish he really is. He doesnt even touch me, not even remotely sexually interesed in me... This has lead to so many feelings of being rejected and being unwanted. And without sounding conceited, I am not an ugly/ obese woman. Again. i cant do this again, moving, finding a new job etc. I have a 7 year old son, and I have to just carry on for him. It is hard, really really hard. Very tempting to take all those benzos at once, but i got my kid. Life is just not fair, but suppose we are all tested at one time or another.....
It's time to drop the pills (under medical supervision) and learn all about deriving your happiness from within yourself instead of expecting it from external sources.
Then get up and do something that you can be proud of (run a half-marathon, get a cool job, learn a new skill). Self-respect also does not come from others.
Get rid of the drugs, kick out the bf and focus on your child and yourself. Find a hobby that full fills you and nice friends. Try meetup.com, they have events for you, singles or even mommy stuff going on.
Break up with the boyfriend. Start volunteering somewhere to help others and it will take your mind off yourself. Get outside of your own head and stop wallowing. Volunteering to help people in greater need than yourself is an awesome way to get some perspective, clarity, and self-respect. And help others. Forget about you and "your problems" for a while. Work, save money, take care of your child, volunteer to help others, and keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will be fine. If logic does not kick in for you and you start doing the right things, then you will never get better and no one good will ever love you. Suck it up and start living right. IMHO, lose the drugs. They are a crutch you do not need and they often make things worse. Ask your doctor first. Get busy with work and child and volunteering and go to bed tired from good efforts and stay so busy that you stop the pathetic wallowing and GET STRONG. Get off the computer and go outside and get some exercise, that will help too. Every time you are sitting there thinking "waaa poor me", you need to be outside exercising or working or volunteering or showing your kid an awesome time. Good luck.
You are on high doses of 2 highly addictive drugs. They are sedatives, they do nothing for depression, and can make it worse, however your mainstay of treatment is psychotherapy, not medications, there is no quick fix and it sounds like your self worth comes from a relationship with a man, not a safe place for that self worth to come from, that's why you need therapy, and you need to be committed to it, there's no formula for therapy, you have to set the agenda and help the therapist focus in on here and now issues, [not past issues unless they apply currently] and if you're getting good therapy, it will be very difficult, will challenge the way you think, expect to get angry, frustrated, impulsive to quit therapy and return to seeking out a "quick fix" with a pill, which won't happen. If you're looking to feel loved, warm and fuzzy from therapy, it will be worthless and you will be wasting your money. You have to be careful not to maintain yourself in a victim role, and step out of that, get off the drugs with a doctors help because it's dangerous to stop abruptly, and get into therapy. Do it for your 7 yo. Good luck.
Speaking as one who felt the way the OP feels, Judd said it very well.
I will add that appropriate antidepressant medication is something you should get quickly - therapy to follow. The meds will alleviate the physical and mental symptoms enough that your energy will return, and make the therapy work better.
The meds you are taking now are making your depression WORSE! Find another doctor to help you get off that stuff, and to prescribe what you need.
You're not as alone as you feel.
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