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Yeah, he screwed up but I got what he meant right away. It made me upset because I wish I was raised without a father if it had to be mine.
I also think single mothers get a bad rap.
That's only when people look at the overall statistics and apply them to all single mothers. I know a woman whose single mother had 9 children by 3 different men. She was a well meaning mother who thought she did a great job, even though most of her children are currently living off the system-Multigenerational welfare at it's finest.
These are the types that skew the data for most of the hard working single moms out there.
I don't think it's fair to judge a person by what they can't control - in this case, whether or not they have a father figure.
We are more than just our family relations (or lack thereof) after all.
Now, I think it's fair to judge someone by their own merits - who they are as a person, what they do, etc. I imagine there is a correlation between lack of a father figure and the effects on future relationships. If you don't know what it's like to have a father, sometimes it's hard to be one. For myself, I don't have a mother in the traditional sense. She's been absent since I was 11 (and even before she wasn't emotionally available), which was her choice. Does that make me a douche bag? Uh, no. If I treated people like dog crap then I'd be a douche bag. I compensate for not having a mother by being the mom I wish I had. Same for my husband. We're good parents.
People often internalize their grief over being abandoned by a parent. Sometimes people don't get over the fact that the person who was supposed to love them, didn't. Sometimes it manifest itself in insecurity, self loathing, drugs, alcohol abuse, anger, crime, etc. Or sometimes it doesn't. It all depends on the person's ability to grow beyond what life has handed them. And to be fair, there are plenty of people with both parents, who are total and complete, douche bags.
I'm not saying that a man isn't effected by being fatherless throughout his childhood, I'm just saying it effects people differently. Sometimes it's completely devastating and sometimes it's not.
I don't think it's fair to judge a person by what they can't control - in this case, whether or not they have a father figure.
We are more than just our family relations (or lack thereof) after all.
Now, I think it's fair to judge someone by their own merits - who they are as a person, what they do, etc. I imagine there is a correlation between lack of a father figure and the effects on future relationships. If you don't know what it's like to have a father, sometimes it's hard to be one. For myself, I don't have a mother in the traditional sense. She's been absent since I was 11 (and even before she wasn't emotionally available), which was her choice. Does that make me a douche bag? Uh, no. If I treated people like dog crap then I'd be a douche bag. I compensate for not having a mother by being the mom I wish I had. Same for my husband. We're good parents.
People often internalize their grief over being abandoned by a parent. Sometimes people don't get over the fact that the person who was supposed to love them, didn't. Sometimes it manifest itself in insecurity, self loathing, drugs, alcohol abuse, anger, crime, etc. Or sometimes it doesn't. It all depends on the person's ability to grow beyond what life has handed them. And to be fair, there are plenty of people with both parents, who are total and complete, douche bags.
I'm not saying that a man isn't effected by being fatherless throughout his childhood, I'm just saying it effects people differently. Sometimes it's completely devastating and sometimes it's not.
Rep. Absolutely! Sometimes it creates a very self sufficient person Other times it creates an atmosphere of abandonment and not being wanted.
I was listening to a Psychologist on a radio talk on the topic a week ago. The just of the conversation was how a child internalizes a dad and sometimes mom not being there (In the case of total abandonment). It said often in a child's view the dad/mom choosing not to be there is internalized as the fault of the child: "Dad doesn't want me therefore I must have no value". She said it wasn't an absolute but is often happens.
Years ago, a columnist for The Washington Post, Courtland Milloy, wrote an article about males growing up in fatherless homes.
In the article, he talked about a herd of elephants in Africa. These elephants were moved into a wildlife park but at the time, the bull elephants were too large to move as they didn't have the means to do so at the time. So the herd consisted of adult females and young males and females. As the young males grew up, they went rogue often attacking other elephants and different animals for no reason. Then a way was found to successfully move bull elephants and the bulls were added to the herd. An interesting thing happened---the young males gravitated to the bulls, following them around and imitating their actions. Plus when the young males got out of hand, the bulls corrected their behavior. At this point, the young males were better behaved and no longer went rogue. The bulls were positive male role models which the younger males needed to have.
When it comes to humans, of course there is no one size fits all. There are many men who grew up fatherless and instead of recycling that behavior into the next generation, these men married, had children of their own and were involved in their lives. This happens because they have the insight to know that they wanted to do better for their own children.
Pinkman, Because a father is the real thing. Don't need a father figure. But a real father (or step father) makes a difference. This is basic sociology, like others said if the father is not there for the child, he has less discipline, less acountability , sometimes no consequences for poor decisions. You are correct, many men are in prison did not have father's or sadly even a mother. The just shows how important it is to be a parent that sticks around and tries to be a role model for your kid. It makes a big difference! And, of course there are exceptions, not every derelict grew up without a father, and some killers grow up with two parents!
I should say a father or step-father because that's what I meant by father-figure. Having a father is important and a lot of single moms seem to wear their title like a badge
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77
Can't judge them all as a whole.
Looking at each individual case can show multiple findings.
I grew up without a father, and I evolved into a total freaking rock star from Mars.
I just love all of these psychologists and experts that grew up with a father, claiming that guys that didn't grow up with fathers have issues. It's like, OK. . . . your dad stayed around after firing a load off into your mom. Like WTF?
It seems like they either go two ways: Mama's boy or complete *******. The mothers that are kind and gentle tend to raise the mama's boys while the ones that try to act as a disciplinarian raise the *******s. Those boys ultimately reject their mom as a legitimate authority figure.
This is just what I've observed. I just don't think single parenting is as effective as 2 parents.
First an OFF TOPIC comment: Am I the only one that keeps reading the thread title as--
Men who grope without feathers are the worst
Not to return to the thread
I think most men who grow up without fathers will often find a father figure such as an Uncle, Big Brother, Family friend etc that will offset the difficulties of not having a father.
Thinking back I had an uncle pretty much take me under his wing and took be out on many adventures such as boating, fishing, hunting and chasing girls (He was not much older than me )
also when I was 14 a man I met at the small local airport gave me flying lessons in exchange for washing his plane every Saturday.
I ended up having quite an active and somewhat adventurous youth. I don't believe I suffered much for growing up without a father. But did always retain even to today a very vivid memory of seeing my Dad in his Army uniform leaving home for the last time. Even today I shed a tear when I remember.
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Other times it creates an atmosphere of abandonment and not being wanted
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