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He came back to me a few days later like nothing had happened. We haven't had a conversation over phone yet (it has all been through text/social media). He sent me these sad photos of him and asked me why I haven't been speaking to him, which didn't make sense to me because that should be me doing those things and asking those questions not him. He's the one that was a jerk to me and drove me away. I know he is a genuinely good person, so I don't think he is trying to hurt me. But I still don't understand his actions.
You know I've been thinking about manipulation and I honestly think some people don't realize they are doing it. It's not a conscious thing. They don't go "ok I'm going to manipulate this girl so I can be in control and have her all to myself on my own terms."
I think even very good people do it on accident sometimes and don't actually mean to harm.
He came back to me a few days later like nothing had happened. We haven't had a conversation over phone yet (it has all been through text/social media). He sent me these sad photos of him and asked me why I haven't been speaking to him, which didn't make sense to me because that should be me doing those things and asking those questions not him. He's the one that was a jerk to me and drove me away. I know he is a genuinely good person, so I don't think he is trying to hurt me. But I still don't understand his actions.
Mental illness is my only explanation.
Regardless of the answer "why", I hope you're done with him.
I don't know if he, in fact, did find someone else, but often when someone wants out of a relationship, they will behave badly. This will often lead to fights initiated by their partner who questions the behavior. The relationship lingers for a while under a great deal of strain, and, eventually, the partner will break up with the poorly behaving one.
People should stop this kind of behaviour, it only makes more cuts. Why not just break up fast without hurting each others?
Swings like that are sometimes because someone was 'too good to be true' and then they swing to the other end.
And can be rooted in the difficulty balancing self-care and care for others: they gave too much, and nothing was left.
Sometimes we see it erode over time, or it reaches a breaking point of trying so hard, and then they give up.
While it can't be definitely explained away as bipolar, neither can it be said that he no longer cares-often it's more complicated than that.
Were you also god's gift to him... did you make huge efforts also?
If so, then:
Warning signs?: if it's too good to be true, it probably is.
Slow and steady wins the race... definitely be good friends, deep camaraderie and tackle life like you're on the same team.
If not:
Then maybe he "got broke"...
I see this with women a lot, where they try so much, and then one day they are just absolutely, and completely, done.
His anger may be a signal that he was hurt, and didn't know how to handle it.
But I'm only armchair observing, with less info than a movie... so take my comments with a grain of salt.
Only you, in you heart, know your experience.
Good luck with this, I'm sorry it happened to you.
I think he either met someone in his new town or for some other reason decided he didn't want a LDR, and was too chicken to tell you, so he A. resented you for your very existence, and B. Hoped his hostility would cause you to break up with him.
^This and you seem to mention a list of exes and that should have been a red flag. You seem to indicate that you are of a higher "caliber" than the others so maybe he is climbing a ladder and stepped up to the next rung.
He probably has done this with all the others and this is how he initiates a breakup.
Were you also god's gift to him... did you make huge efforts also?
But I'm only armchair observing, with less info than a movie... so take my comments with a grain of salt.
Only you, in you heart, know your experience.
Good luck with this, I'm sorry it happened to you.
Yes he initially made efforts like I've never seen before. But then his schedule became more full and he had little time for me.
It's true, I think everyone who asks a question on these boards like this should take answers with a grain of salt. You could explain the same situation in ten different ways and get completely different answers. Plus, you're trying to describe an entire relationship in a paragraph and that's impossible to do accurately sometimes. People are so incredibly complicated.
I don't think there is much hope here, but I will go with my instincts from now on. I've described bits and pieces of the situation to different people and some so easily say things like "He's a terrible guy. He's a bad person. He doesn't care about you. He is probably cheating on you" when I can definitely say in all honesty he's a better person than I am reflecting on it all now and not just the major fight we had.
Perhaps in time, if it seems right to you, you could do a soft-gentle lob, and ask his experience.
Men are frequently more sensitive than we imagine, and women stronger than they realize.
You both sound like great people.
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