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What you say is so true. It's just inconceivable to disappear in the context of a 3-year romantic relationship.
My ex-boyfriend and I were together 8 years, and in recent years we tried to have just a friendship, after many intervening years. The friendship (non-romantic) worked for about 3 years....although it was a bit rocky at times.
But 3 months ago, he stopped all contact with zero discussion. He has done this 3 or 4 times over the past 2 years. He fell into a depression for the past year.
The stopping all contact is hurtful, causes emotional pain, and as I mentioned earlier, destructive of the human soul and human spirit.
He often comes back to the friendship.....we just start talking again.....and put the episodes in the past, but this time I'm not sure he's coming back to resume contact.
The contact was lots of long phone calls, and often frequent phone calls of 2 or 3 times per week with each call lasting 2 to 2.5 hours. And emails too.
This time his last words in an email before the cut-off without warning were "I thought I was getting better" referring to his depression.
Anyway, I think it's very wrong to not say in an email 'I need not to talk for a while' or 'Having contact troubles me' or 'I can't handle contact'. I think an email is acceptable.
But just deadening silence and a cut-off as if the person you're doing it to is invisible or worthless is not acceptable.
I have heard the term, but didn't know what it had meant. Honestly, as a geek, I thought Ghosting in this sense meant reinstalling your operating system since that is how I have used the term. (Symantec Ghost)
...
And yes, I have been on the receiving end of being completely ignored by so-called former friends or people I had one time considered as friends.
And yes, being purposely ignored sucks and made me feel awful for a while. Live goes on and on ...
Have to laugh at this. "Ghosting" at the National Guard armory was mysteriously disappearing from a work detail and hiding out somewhere like in some nook or cranny of the locker room.
Of course this was the 1960s and the current definition probably didn't exist.
I'm not saying it's right that people ignore all communication and even pretend they don't know you exist... I just don't know why this article was written in the 21st century. I'm 35, and this behavior has been part of my life since grade school. School-mates, so-called friends, co-workers, exes all did this. I'm pretty sure I've done it, although I don't remember ignoring anyone in person who I actually know.
As a teen it may be a normal way to end a relationship, but not as an adult.
What you say is so true. It's just inconceivable to disappear in the context of a 3-year romantic relationship.
My ex-boyfriend and I were together 8 years, and in recent years we tried to have just a friendship, after many intervening years. The friendship (non-romantic) worked for about 3 years....although it was a bit rocky at times.
But 3 months ago, he stopped all contact with zero discussion. He has done this 3 or 4 times over the past 2 years. He fell into a depression for the past year.
The stopping all contact is hurtful, causes emotional pain, and as I mentioned earlier, destructive of the human soul and human spirit.
He often comes back to the friendship.....we just start talking again.....and put the episodes in the past, but this time I'm not sure he's coming back to resume contact.
The contact was lots of long phone calls, and often frequent phone calls of 2 or 3 times per week with each call lasting 2 to 2.5 hours. And emails too.
This time his last words in an email before the cut-off without warning were "I thought I was getting better" referring to his depression.
Anyway, I think it's very wrong to not say in an email 'I need not to talk for a while' or 'Having contact troubles me' or 'I can't handle contact'. I think an email is acceptable.
But just deadening silence and a cut-off as if the person you're doing it to is invisible or worthless is not acceptable.
UGH! It sounds like he was using you as an emotional crutch, or even trying to keep you on the back-burner while he went off and got involved with other people, and when he found one, he disappeared, and when it didn't work out, he came back. I hope you've been dating other people this whole time.
Once you've told someone you're breaking up with them the best way for both parties to get on is to cease all contact period. Hanging on and the sticky mess that ensues with that is just childish dependency.
I've done this to a couple of my college friends (or, you can say that they done it to me). It wasn't intentional. It kinda just happens. I have no contact with them whatsoever.
Your case, Theropod, is not the very sudden, dramatic cutting off of communication which is what ghosting is usually defined as. One day a person is prominent in your life where you talk every day or multiple times per week, and then suddenly the person cuts you off and refuses to talk to you.
Your case is a type of cutting off of a person over time where it happens over a pretty long time usually.
Contact is less and less.
And, though, you say your case is not intentional, it actually is intentional. If you or your friend(s) wanted to see each other or talk, you would have made an effort to do so....but instead either you or the friends chose to not talk and chose to not be in each other's presence.
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