Is there such a thing as self-induced memory loss? (therapy, emotion, adult)

[Gabriella Geramia]

I'm just asking because I know my memory used to be phenomenal. Yes, I was younger, but kids my age weren't able to remember the exact things people said, details, and people's names like I could (or maybe they just weren't paying attention). I used to care a lot but I ended up getting hurt a lot of the time as well. I decided to stop caring and stop remembering. I think about people a lot. But I often feel nobody thinks of me. So whenever I think of someone who has hurt me, I also think of the things we did and things they said, and I actively turn a cold heart against them. I just tell myself, I don't know and I don't care.

After doing this for a few years, I think it's working in making me less emotional. I don't feel a thing and I like that. But I also feel as if I have no memory. It's a little scary when someone quotes me and I don't remember ever saying it. It's like the girl from 50 first dates who wakes up every morning not remembering anything. Except I can remember the basics, like my name and who I am. But aside from that, I can't remember what happened the day before or the day before that. Talk about living in the moment.

PS. People think I smoke a lot of weed from a young age because of this, but I can tell you, it's not the weed. Is what I described just a part of being an adult in how I cope with loss? I just wonder if this happens to a lot of adults.

[UrbanCrossroads]

It's happened to me. I used to have a photographic memory as a kid and even well into my late teens, but nowadays (40s) I can hardly remember the things I saw/did/talked about last week. I once read somewhere that people lose the photographic ability of memory as they get older. To be honest, I kinda prefer it that way. I'd rather just live in the moment and not think about or dwell on things that happened to me in the past. I don't know if in my case it's self-induced memory loss, but I do recognize that it's best to simply not remember specific things that happened in the past.

[Tracysherm]

Lots of things could be happening, alone or in combination with each other:
1. Your memory could just be changing as part of the aging process.
2. When you pay less attention to things in the first place, you're less likely to remember them. You're intentionally paying less attention to what you find unpleasant.
3. You didn't mention this, but is there any substance use involved? Alcohol use, over-the-counter meds, prescriptions meds, taken as directed or not as directed, and of course actual substance abuse, can all affect memory and cognition.
4. Since you are suppressing or denying feelings, you're just pushing them into your subconscious and perhaps your unconscious, if that denial becomes automatic and no longer on purpose. When you push stuff into your unconscious, (intentionally/on purpose would be suppression, unintentionally/automatic would be repression) you are actually dissociating from it. A lot of people only think of dissociation in terms of the extreme: people with dissociative identity disorder (multiple personality). But in reality, there is a whole continuum of dissociation, from useful/healthy, to relatively harmless, to interfering with functioning a little bit, to interfering with functioning significantly. If you are doing this to an extant that you're having memory impairment that's interfering with your functioning, you might benefit from seeking therapy/counseling.


Maybe try journaling a little every night before going to sleep. Nothing extravagant, just jot down the most important things from that day that you think you might need to recall later. You may never even have to look them up in the journal, because often the act of just recalling them enough to write them down is enough to strengthen the memory.

[BirdieBelle]

I wish. Unfortunately, I remember EVERYthing.