Why are many (not all) gay men prissy when most women are not? (college, father)

[openmike]

I had coworkers in the past that acted feminine or what some link to a prissy behavior that is even difficult to link in any way
to the nature of a women. Are there underlying early on behaviors that embelllious their actions such as role playing ( yet poor
acting) an acquired body language that is earmarked by expresions to distinguishthemselves or an environmental origin factor
such as being raised without a dominant father and being relegated to feminine chores and being mothered is some over sen-
sitive way? The psychology of such folks is interesting . It's as if they are a third sex ( neither man or woman?) Women do not
act out in a outwardly obvious feminine manor as gay men. What I see is an exagerated behavior that people should not make
fun but it is strange.

[IM90046]

Originally Posted by openmike

Women do not
act out in a outwardly obvious feminine manor as gay men.

This is because women do not have to "act", their emotions and mannerisms are socially acceptable and expected. It is very likely that you just do not notice these traits in women because it is so normal and expected.

Originally Posted by openmike

an acquired body language that is earmarked by expresions to distinguishthemselves or an environmental origin factor
such as being raised without a dominant father and being relegated to feminine chores and being mothered is some over sen-
sitive way?

What does this have to do with gay men? Sounds to me like you have a false stereotype of what creates and of what is a gay man.

Originally Posted by openmike

The psychology of such folks is interesting . It's as if they are a third sex ( neither man or woman?)

This statement is disturbing and confusing. Sex is a biological trait that is not influenced by any societal establishment. Men are men, with male bodies and male hormones, and women are women, with female bodies and female hormones. There are two sexes and that is that. Whether or not you think there are multiple genders as an establishment in society is a different topic.


If you have specific examples of this, I will gladly address them. However your claim seems to be generalized and based on false stereotypes.

[cat1116]

That could be the 64 million dollar question but, I as a female still react different to various stimuli compared to say, another female. I've had a female neighbor call on me to help get rid of some flying insect in her house. She couldn't stand to be anywhere within range of this insect, she'd run and scream. I admit that there may be some flying insects that I don't take to kindly to but in that particular incident, the so-called flying insect at that time was not one of them.

If this helps, we both had a mother and a father in our lives at that time. I can't speak too much of the mother-daughter/father-daughter connection on her side other than to probably guess her Dad doted on her. I can tell you for sure that my father being a Marine and instilling the "tough" mode may have made me a little less apprehensive with the flying insect. I remember one time when I was getting changed, and felt something on my back. I reached behind, grabbed and flung to the ground a spider. Screamed (more in a surprised type of scream) and hearing my Dad say, "You scream just like a girl". Yeah, I know, .
Thanks Dad.

[Marlow]

I've wondered about this as well. We have a friend who was an officer in the military and acted stereotypically male. He had married twice and had two children but was divorced when we met him. As he got close to retirement, it became clear that he was about to come out of the closet. As soon as he was fully retired he became very stereotypically gay--swishy, flamboyant, making needlepoint Christmas ornaments. I mean no disrespect to anyone and we liked him fine both ways, but it was interesting to observe.

And I'm not saying all gay men behave in a particular way. But he made a fairly radical change in the way he presented himself to others.

[bawac34618]

There are two reasons for this in my opinion.

First, gay people in the closet usually try extra hard to conform to gender norms as to avoid being outed. Once they are out of the closet they no longer have the need to conform or be ashamed of personality traits that are a little bit different or may not be stereotypically masculine. Second is that many times the gay "scene" encourages such behavior. As with any subculture, the more time you spend around it the more you subconsciously start exhibiting the traits of that culture. Completely straight guys in stereotypically gay realms such as theatre also sometimes exhibit the same traits. It's no different than redneck culture, jock culture, evangelical Christianity, college fraternities, or any other subgroup. People naturally identify with their "group" and subconsciously adjust their behavior accordingly.

[IM90046]

Another point, Masculinity is a very fragile establishment. Masculinity comes less natural then behavioral traits labelled feministic. I feel men are more often on the guard of their masculinity, than females are of their femininity. Unnatural actions such as suppressing emotions ("men don't cry"), shaking hands vs hugging, even leaving space between urinals, these things are come off extremely prepared and artificial. Young straight men commonly use the phrase "no homo" when doing an action that isn't particularly masculine. All these things elude that masculinity is somewhat constructed by society and men buy into in. In many eyes when a man comes out as homosexual he has thrown away the most distinctive aspect of masculinity, therefore he doesn't have to try so hard to guard it in the same way a straight man does.

[bawac34618]

Originally Posted by IM90046

In many eyes when a man comes out as homosexual he has thrown away the most distinctive aspect of masculinity, therefore he doesn't have to try so hard to guard it in the same way a straight man does.

I personally disagree with this and almost find it offensive. There are plenty "men's men" out there who are gay. They may not be active in the scene and if you see them, you would never know because they don't resemble the stereotype. I also don't believe sexual orientation in itself determines masculinity or femininity.

With that said, for the reasons I stated in my previous post I do believe a lot of gay men, especially those active in the scene, tend to take on more feminine traits. To add onto this, gay men when in the closet become very good at modeling their behavior after their surroundings and becoming like who they are with. I think some of that subconsciously sticks with them after coming out of the closet.

[IM90046]

Originally Posted by bawac34618

I personally disagree with this and almost find it offensive. There are plenty "men's men" out there who are gay. They may not be active in the scene and if you see them, you would never know because they don't resemble the stereotype. I also don't believe sexual orientation in itself determines masculinity or femininity.

With that said, for the reasons I stated in my previous post I do believe a lot of gay men, especially those active in the scene, tend to take on more feminine traits. To add onto this, gay men when in the closet become very good at modeling their behavior after their surroundings and becoming like who they are with. I think some of that subconsciously sticks with them after coming out of the closet.

You may not believe that sexual orientation determines masculinity or femininity, but I'd ague that most people would consider a gay man regardless of his personality traits less masculine than a straight man with the same personality traits.

I know there are ton's of gay "men's men", heck I'd argue that is a scene itself. All I'm saying is that when a man comes out as homosexual, attacks on his masculinity is no longer a threat to him personally. What is the value in masculinity as a homosexual man? If so much of it is constructed through society and doesn't come naturally, why purposely follow masculine norms if you have nothing to guard.

[openmike]

Very insightful posts this why I appreciate data as the input is extremely interesting!

[Jackie Mcpherson]

From my observations, Flagrant Gay Boys are psy.damaged ppl. They are also known as "Flamers" and will do anything to gain attention. Somewhere, in their past they got hurt, neglected, developed low-self esteem, ---need attention----ok i get it doing the "flaming Gay Guy" Routine...and it works.

That's why they act Prissy.