Calling all introverts: What's your idea of the perfect life? (men, husband)
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A thread I created a while back that posed whether introverts are more likely than others to remain childfree has garnered so many insightful replies that I thought it a good idea to create this "spin off" post.
In the U.S., we've been led to believe that the perfect life involves the following:
- A spouse
- Children (the more the better)
- A big house with with picket fence
- A dog
-A high-powered job in upper management that pays 6 digits and has you supervising several people
-A lot of friends with which you party and get drunk
My question to you fellow introverts is: Which of these (if any) do you feel make for a great life?
These are the characteristics that describe me and likely many of you:
- Words that describe me: introspective, self-contained, taciturn, low-key, passive, modest, reserved
- I become drained when around large groups of people
- I gain energy from being alone in a quiet room
- I don't mind people as long as it's one-to-one or in a small group (e.g., closest friends)
- I think before I speak
- I don't like talking unless I have something important to say
- I loathe chit chat/small talk
- I love being deep in thought
- A fun night for me involves curling up at home with a good book
- I don't like parties or social gatherings. If I must go to one, I leave as early as possible to recharge at home.
- I find people around me (especially at work) to be rather shallow and indifferent to deep subjects I enjoy talking about
- I prefer pets to people
- I am otherworldly in that I prefer ideas to people. I'd rather immerse myself in theory/ideas than do more mundane things like cut the grass and cook
- I am a minimalist and aim for simplicity
- I don't care about having a high position -- I am satisfied in a role that utilizes my skills and talents
- I would rather not supervise people -- the fewer people I deal with, the less exhausted I feel
- I don't want to work 50-60 hours per week
- I am unmaterialistic -- learning new things means more to me than buying crap I don't need
-I strive for financial stability and try to live within/below my means
- I am bookish: I just love to devour books
- I love to write -- I aim to write articles, books and more
- I love to learn and am passionate about a few subjects (e.g., history and psychology)
- I like donating to charities and helping the less fortunate
- I don't want to have kids because I value peace, quiet, and my time way too much. I wouldn't want the kid taking time away from things I like to do, like read, write, and watch movies
In short, I often find living in my head more enjoyable than living outside of it. After all, it's the one place that people can't intrude upon. Your thoughts -- not to mention your knowledge -- are the only things people can't take from you. Your mind is like a private island that is off limits from the rest of the world. You lose it only when you die, or with the onset of dementia/alzheimer's.
Can any of you introverts identify with some or all of the points made above?
Are peace, quiet, and books enough for you? Do you fear having kids will strip you of this kind of life?
Last edited by Wordsmith12; 10-26-2015 at 02:16 PM..
-1br cabin/ranch out in the woods. I don't care if it is only 600 sq feet
-wifi connection
-endless supply of books
-endless supply of alcohol
-dog or cat(or both)
-endless trails for running or hiking
-no visible neighbors
-financial independence(a freelance writing job 10 hrs a week would be perfect)
-no wife
-no children
right now, I feel like I have to work 50-60 hours a week in order to accomplish these goals, and it kinda sucks. but I will prevail
So far as this "ideal life": It would, of course involve some spacious, modern cabin deep, deep in the woods with abundant wildlife. Maybe dogs for companionship and security.
Books and wifi, of course.
BUT one major distinction: I would like to work part time in some dynamic environment where I could interact with a variety of intelligent people. Just to keep me from going"too far" off into my own mind.
Some degree of high quality interaction is important to keep the mind elastic and youthful. I work at an airport, and I know that even if I don't "enjoy" a lot of it, meeting people from all over the world and speaking some various languages from time to time is important to keep my brain active. I'd just like to do it part time.
So it's not so much that I feel a need for emotional interaction, but I know I benefit from high quality interaction.
BUT one major distinction: I would like to work part time in some dynamic environment where I could interact with a variety of intelligent people. Just to keep me from going"too far" off into my own mind.
I would love this, too. That's why I've thought about working in academia or for a think tank of some sort. Unfortunately, the majority of knowledge-hungry people in Corporate America derive very little intellectual stimulation from their jobs. It's all about meetings, red tape, and boring paperwork -- rather vacuous if you ask me.
While most people I know are thinking about fantasy football, The Kardashians, or The Walking Dead, I'm looking forward to reading my psychology and history books.
It seems most of my peers don't share my unbridled enthusiasm for learning about the past and why things are the way they are. Many of them believe learning ends the day you complete your final college exam. It's a shame, really, considering all the resources we have available today. Can you imagine how much people of the 18th and 19th centuries -- including leading scholars of the day -- would have loved to have the internet at their disposal to learn new things? Since there was no Google to speak of, they relied on everything from reading to writing to keep themselves occupied.
While technology itself is becoming more advanced, people seem to be getting dumber and more superficial. Intellectualism is surely on the decline.
I identify with a lot of what you said. However, I want to be married and have kids. Yeah, I know it can be draining, but I hate living life alone, as I have for the past 7 years. I may not be as introverted as you, although most of what you said did resonate. I can't spend 24/7 alone. Thats just too much for me. We're not meant to go through life alone, which is why for me, being alone all the time just sucks.
So my perfect life involves having a wife and at least one child, but not a house full of kids. I would like to have a nice house again, though not huge, and maybe a pet. I have a cat now, thankfully. She's the only thing that kept me going after my divorce.
However, I want to be married and have kids. Yeah, I know it can be draining, but I hate living life alone, as I have for the past 7 years.
I'm with you. I wouldn't want to go through life by myself, either. I knew from an early age that I wanted to get married, which I did last year. It's the question of whether or not to have kids that's pulling me in different directions.
A thread I created a while back that posed whether introverts are more likely than others to remain childfree has garnered so many insightful replies that I thought it a good idea to create this "spin off" post.
In the U.S., we've been led to believe that the perfect life involves the following:
- A spouse
- Children (the more the better)
- A big house with with picket fence
- A dog
-A high-powered job in upper management that pays 6 digits and has you supervising several people
-A lot of friends with which you party and get drunk
My question to you fellow introverts is: Which of these (if any) do you feel make for a great life?
These are the characteristics that describe me and likely many of you:
- Words that describe me: introspective, self-contained, taciturn, low-key, passive, modest, reserved
- I become drained when around large groups of people
- I gain energy from being alone in a quiet room
- I don't mind people as long as it's one-to-one or in a small group (e.g., closest friends)
- I think before I speak
- I don't like talking unless I have something important to say
- I loathe chit chat/small talk
- I love being deep in thought
- A fun night for me involves curling up at home with a good book
- I don't like parties or social gatherings. If I must go to one, I leave as early as possible to recharge at home.
- I find people around me (especially at work) to be rather shallow and indifferent to deep subjects I enjoy talking about
- I prefer pets to people
- I am otherworldly in that I prefer ideas to people. I'd rather immerse myself in theory/ideas than do more mundane things like cut the grass and cook
- I am a minimalist and aim for simplicity
- I don't care about having a high position -- I am satisfied in a role that utilizes my skills and talents
- I would rather not supervise people -- the fewer people I deal with, the less exhausted I feel
- I don't want to work 50-60 hours per week
- I am unmaterialistic -- learning new things means more to me than buying crap I don't need
-I strive for financial stability and try to live within/below my means
- I am bookish: I just love to devour books
- I love to write -- I aim to write articles, books and more
- I love to learn and am passionate about a few subjects (e.g., history and psychology)
- I like donating to charities and helping the less fortunate
- I don't want to have kids because I value peace, quiet, and my time way too much. I wouldn't want the kid taking time away from things I like to do, like read, write, and watch movies
In short, I often find living in my head more enjoyable than living outside of it. After all, it's the one place that people can't intrude upon. Your thoughts -- not to mention your knowledge -- are the only things people can't take from you. Your mind is like a private island that is off limits from the rest of the world. You lose it only when you die, or with the onset of dementia/alzheimer's.
Can any of you introverts identify with some or all of the points made above?
Are peace, quiet, and books enough for you? Do you fear having kids will strip you of this kind of life?
I identify with at least 80% of this. The kids part, especially. Although since I'm gay, that was never going to be an issue....or so I thought. I was shocked to learn how many gay men out there my age had kids from heterosexual marriages. I couldn't believe any gay man would do either. Just didn't compute for this introvert.
"Introvert" is a condescending label that a majority group force upon the minority.
This minority group is actually the intellectuals, while the majority is, ugh, non-intellectuals.
Why must this minority group keep apologyzing for not feeling excited being around the "others" 24x7 talking and thinking about nonsense?
To the point many are led to believe they have a disorder and need to take mind altering drug in order to function among the "others." That is sad.
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