Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree with getting exercise. And you might try yoga, as it trains your body in a different way.
But do you have against therapy? A good therapist can show you how to think about things, so that you will have a template for the future. There will always be bad things happening in the world, and to you. These things happen to everyone, although not necessarily as violently as they did in Pars.
Read forum posts by other angry and hating people, and analyze them and think about why they are so angry. Look for defects in the logic of their presentation, and then compare it with your own position.
On the micro-hate level, watch people around you, and look at the reasons why they get angry or express hatred. Then look at the situation from the standpoint of the people that they are lashing out at. See that there are two sides to everything.
Google "Desiderata" and read it. It'll only take a minute. Think about it.
Learn something about statistics and probability. Out of a billion Muslims, how many deserve your hatred, and how many are simple men and women and children trying just as hard as you are go make a go of life, against steeper odds, with the whole world tarring them with one brush?
Hard physical exertion..What you are feeling is biochemical. Handle it as biochemistry. Work it out of your system.
G'bird.. great post. I try to follow this prescription myself.
But beyond the healthy purging of my fight or flight chemicals, I also try to address the long-term/lingering spiritual effects of anger and fear. I (literally) pray that God will help keep me grounded..but still alert.
Learn something about statistics and probability. Out of a billion Muslims, how many deserve your hatred, and how many are simple men and women and children trying just as hard as you are go make a go of life, against steeper odds, with the whole world tarring them with one brush?
And out of that one billion, think how few of them are publicly speaking out against violent Islamic terrorists, and you will get mad all over again. Sorry.
Who the heck is saying "France had it coming"? I haven't seen that anywhere in the media or on my facebook posts. Which leads me to believe you're around some pretty toxic individuals or news sources. So it's time to cut those people and forms of communication out of your life.
And as others have suggested, exercise is a good one. Meditation, coloring, reading, painting are all also good activities.
But if this is tainting your everyday life in a meaningful way, then yeah, therapy is the way to go. Your aversion to it seems irrational and childish. Why on earth would you object to paying a trained professional to be a sounding board for psychological problems that you want to deal with in order to have a better life? Yeah, it can take a few tries to find the right therapist, but it's not that difficult.
Do you know any Muslim people? I worked with many and had grown quite fond of them. Do some volunteer work involving Muslim refugees. Get to know them as human beings and you will find that they are no different from us. You are developing the same hater mentality that people have towards cops and people of different races. The radical Muslims have that same mentality towards everyone with a different ideology. Find Muslim children and relate to them as you would any other child. I took care of a comatose Muslim man at work and his family didn't speak English well. I took care of that man like I would any of my other patients. Unfortunately some of my other colleagues didn't His family was always kind and polite to the staff and I grew quite fond of them. They left a couple of days before I quit my job and they asked me to come and visit them. I went and they gave me a nice thank you card and hugged me. They also said how much they appreciated the good care that I had given to their loved one and told me that others weren't so nice. That broke my heart because this poor man suffered needlessly because of the unfair one size fits all mentality. Hatred is a cancer of the soul. It pollutes and erodes society to a barbaric level. Don't give in to the dark side. Find your way back into the light and keep things in perspective.
I have a lot of these two in me since last weekend and the terror attacks in Paris, together with a hefty dose of bitterness and a small dose of fear. I feel it's starting to become unhealthy for me. How do I get rid of those and convince myself everything's going to be fine? All suggestions are welcome except for "get counseling". I am not going near a shrink any time in my life.
Classical music helps, but not permanently.
I don't think counseling is in order anyway. A lot of people are still angry and a lot of people have some fear after that. It's perfectly normal and not uncommon at all. It hasn't even been two weeks.
And the truth is, you can't convince yourself everything is going to be fine, because there is no guarantee that it will be. I live in the D.C. metro area. Those cretins have made threats against the city. Are they credible? They may well be. As we all know, wouldn't be the first time terrorists attacked here.
But I'm not going to give them the victory of changing my life around or letting fear dictate my actions. That's what they want. Terrorists want to terrorize. That's why we call them terrorists.
How do I let go of all of this? I help others. I smile at people when they make eye contact. I give the homeless lady on the corner a few bucks for lunch. When it's nice out, I go for walks and enjoy the simple beauties and joys of life--the bird singing in the tree, the person who holds a door open for me, the way the sun hits the Washington Monument, the young couples walking hand-in-hand, the kid and his dad flying a kite. I also listen to music, go out with friends, purge nervous energy by working out, chill with my pet, read, play a few relaxing computer games, color, and sip nice wine.
But I don't try to deny myself my feelings. It's like telling yourself, "Okay, don't think of a pink elephant." All you'll do is think about pink elephants. So when I read something in the news that annoys me, I'll think or say, "Oh, those friggin' AHOLES."
As for fear, I keep it in perspective. For one thing, if my number is up, my number is up. If they happen to strike where I am at any given moment, there's not a dang thing I can do about it but try to survive and help other people survive. There is a greater chance of me being hit by a car or shot by an angry white American male on a rampage than there is of me being blown up by a terrorist. So, I just live, same as any other day.
It is quite reasonable to feel a desire to do everything possible towards helping one's kin.
Taking productive action reduces stress.
There are direct things you can do to help them be "safer", and indirect things you can do towards making yourself the kind of person who is quite valuable in any disaster situation -- anywhere.
Communicate with your kin to set up an emergency evacuation plan for themselves. Set up prearranged methods for you to send them money, and for them to travel to a place of greater safety. Establish where they would go and how you and other relatives could contact them. Communicate with other, extended relatives about these things. Get family communications going about responding to evolving threats as they arise. Nothing alarmist, just proactive.
Yes, that is definitely one thing I need to get done.
Quote:
Meanwhile, you can work on learning various European languages. Whether it's following the news about where your kinfolk live, or whether you ever go visit over there, knowing one or two of the major European languages will keep you in closely touch culturally, and perhaps serve as valuable communication skills if they are caught up in an emergency.
I already speak German and Russian. Actually, if all goes well, I am going to marry a German and move to that country in a year or so, and I've been visiting it regularly for the last few years. However, the news I read in German are even more depressing, so I prefer to read other, nicer things in that language: the classics or the philosophers
Quote:
Take first aid and CPR classes. This is about making you an all around more "valuable" person in any dire situation. It teaches that you personally have the skills to save a life. You can just go around feeling a little more in control over bad things that can happen to others.
Consider getting into martial arts. These are physical disciplines that teach one how to manage emotions such as fear and anger, as much as they do to teach self-defense. Martial arts give order to the mind and body during adrenaline situations. They teach diplomacy and restraint, as well as effective self-defense.
Become a blood donor. That may not seem to make sense. But it means something to know in your heart of hearts that your strength is immediately physically giving someone else strength, and even life itself. Besides, "if" the unthinkable were to happen here, you would know that your blood was already in your local blood bank system immediately ready to help your own community. It's a sense of community connectedness on a very, very gut-level scale. Very powerful, unlike anything else.
All very good advice, thank you. And becoming a blood donor does make a lot of sense. After all, terror attacks are not the only emergencies that can ever happen. Actually I am considering giving blood to a German clinic the next time I am over there.
Quote:
Now: I am going to challenge you to something that you may not feel like doing. If you are feeling anger towards Muslims in general, undertake to learn about Islam. No I am not a Muslim. Far from it. But I believe that I am much better able to understand, respond to, and deal with "our" western world situation and events, for having studied quite a bit about Islam, and finding commonalities with many Muslim people.
Learn "about" Islam. Not for it, or against it. Just "about" it. The history and the cultures. Denominations and beliefs. If you do a lot of studying from unbiased sources and still have strongly negative feelings about Muslims in general, then at least they will be educated opinions. If you can see the common humanity of "them" and "us", then all the better. Knowledge is always worth having
I am not at all opposed to learning about Islam. Knowledge is power, as the saying goes, and I always welcome any intellectual occupation.
I don't think counseling is in order anyway. A lot of people are still angry and a lot of people have some fear after that. It's perfectly normal and not uncommon at all. It hasn't even been two weeks.
And the truth is, you can't convince yourself everything is going to be fine, because there is no guarantee that it will be. I live in the D.C. metro area. Those cretins have made threats against the city. Are they credible? They may well be. As we all know, wouldn't be the first time terrorists attacked here.
But I'm not going to give them the victory of changing my life around or letting fear dictate my actions. That's what they want. Terrorists want to terrorize. That's why we call them terrorists.
How do I let go of all of this? I help others. I smile at people when they make eye contact. I give the homeless lady on the corner a few bucks for lunch. When it's nice out, I go for walks and enjoy the simple beauties and joys of life--the bird singing in the tree, the person who holds a door open for me, the way the sun hits the Washington Monument, the young couples walking hand-in-hand, the kid and his dad flying a kite. I also listen to music, go out with friends, purge nervous energy by working out, chill with my pet, read, play a few relaxing computer games, color, and sip nice wine.
But I don't try to deny myself my feelings. It's like telling yourself, "Okay, don't think of a pink elephant." All you'll do is think about pink elephants. So when I read something in the news that annoys me, I'll think or say, "Oh, those friggin' AHOLES."
As for fear, I keep it in perspective. For one thing, if my number is up, my number is up. If they happen to strike where I am at any given moment, there's not a dang thing I can do about it but try to survive and help other people survive. There is a greater chance of me being hit by a car or shot by an angry white American male on a rampage than there is of me being blown up by a terrorist. So, I just live, same as any other day.
I do all these things as well. And it's not myself I am worried about. Where I am, all is peaceful. There is a heightened level of security in my country, but no indication the terrorists are going to strike here (and if something were to happen to me, my anger would probably be an asset - at least I would be angry enough to fight if I could). Germany, where my relatives and my fiance live, is a different matter.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
His family was always kind and polite to the staff and I grew quite fond of them. They left a couple of days before I quit my job and they asked me to come and visit them. I went and they gave me a nice thank you card and hugged me. They also said how much they appreciated the good care that I had given to their loved one and told me that others weren't so nice. That broke my heart because this poor man suffered needlessly because of the unfair one size fits all mentality. Hatred is a cancer of the soul. It pollutes and erodes society to a barbaric level. Don't give in to the dark side. Find your way back into the light and keep things in perspective.
