Anxious when having interactions with females? (anxiety, girls, relationship, animals)

[TangentM]

Ok so I'm a 17 year old male and I have anxiety. My confidence has slowly been building although lately I've been going back to being shy. Right now my hormones are all over the place but I've had girls approach me to talk to me but I respond with one word answers . Or in cases where a girl stares at me in class all the time , even though I did that before but in a flirty way, she did not seem interested but now she does ? Wtf , any ways I can't maintain eye contact right now and look away as soon as any girl looks me right in the eyes. When a girl is looking at me, I think she's looking at my big eyes or anothe insecurity. Anyway, I get very overwhelmed if a girl makes the first move even though I can't make the first move myself. What do I do? I mean I know the girl likes me but I panic and seem as if I am not interested. I hope this made sense lol.

[Calvert Hall '62]

I think you might get some input if you post your questions in the Relationships forum.

[emathias]

What you describe is not only normal, but completely common for guys your age. Don't rush things. Know that you are normal, that it's okay that the prospect of talking to girls at your age makes you more anxious than anything else in life has before. Practice talking to girls where your roles are well-defined and not related to romance. For example, asking a store clerk for help finding something - you know your role, you know her role, so it's less threatening. You will still feel some anxiety, but less than in a totally undefined sort of interaction. As you get experience talking in defined situations, you'll be able to force yourself to try talking in casual social situations. Usually the best advice is to just ask questions. People like being asked questions that let them describe themselves. Ask where they grew up, what sort of interests they have, whether they've traveled, do they have pets, do they like animals, do they have plans for upcoming holidays, what they're studying and why, whether they have siblings, what their favorite foods are, etc, etc. You'll learn to tailor followup questions based on their initial answers, and you'll know they're interested when they start asking you questions in return.

[brrabbit]

Whatever you do, use a condom when it comes to sex

[katie45]

Believe it or not, the majority of people are more interested in themselves than you. Meaning that a gal could be just as anxious and hasn't a clue either and worried about what to say.

One thing to remember is to show interest in the other person. Ask them "How's it going?", or however younger folks talk nowadays.

If she is in your class, ask how she likes the class.

She'll answer if she wants to keep talking. . . you could ask what other classes she's taking, what's her favorites, etc.

The main thing is to develop the habit of talking to others by practicing. Just think of every conversation as a rehearsal. . . you'll learn what you wished you had said, or what you wish you hadn't said, etc.

When you do talk with her, or anyone. . . look at them not at the floor. . by looking at them it tells them you really "see" them and are interested.

Good luck! And you're not alone!

[Anonymous Lurker]

Just relax and talk to them as if you have known them forever as say a neighbor or if the girl was a cousin or something like that. You'll find by doing that and being relaxed comfortable around them without expecting anything from them or coming off as wanting or needing anything from them they will also feel more relaxed around you and you'll do fine.

Good Luck!