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The spoilers below are just some explanations...
You've all seen the threads about "nice-guys" and other groups of dateless men, I am even responsible for taking up space with one or two of those myself(sorry).
Spoiler
These are labels that I'm trying to work to get myself away from, and I think this is one of the key steps on the way.
Not discussing this in more detail I will just admit that I'm not very successful with women.
I think that my main issue and also the same as a big portion of the issues that other unsuccessful males have may be in their communication/interactive/social skills.
So I'd like to discuss methods to improve and practice in this specific area, regardless of how much other areas may or may not matter.
The methods I've thought of so far is;
1: To make platonic friendships with both occupied and single girls to learn more about communicating. I think an important thing here is to not just have a favourite female friend, because the idea is to learn a more general comunicative skillset. This will of course not be told out loud.
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The reason I think I need this is because I've been withdrawn from much interacting during my youth because my mother demanded me home directly after school, so I was not allowed to hang out that much with my pears during free-time until I was 18+. Worst case scenario I'll end up with a few more female aquaintances which doesn't hurt.
2: To intentionally start conversations with strangers in public places like bus-stops etc.
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I think I need to learn to "small talk" as most of my verbal communication is very direct at what I want or think needs to be told. I'm also sort of shy socially, so I figure the more I make any kind of approach the closer i can get do doing it naturally.
3: To do more with the different student organizations at the university, Simply to meet more people that I can potentially have things in common with.
I'd like to know what you think of my ideas above and also come with your own ideas.
Spoiler
(already started with #1 and #3, been a bit more hesitant with #2 so they're in progress.)
I'm counting on this to take time; I'm not expecting to work any wonders by the end of the week, I see it as investing some time in training like I would in a gym to get stronger. Even if my desire for women right now I'd like to be able to do the whole women-chasing thing in a sound and healthy way long term rather than have a lucky strike now and then.
Being comfortable around people is just like every other skill in life. The more you do it, the better you get at it. You won't ever learn to become socially adept by sitting at home watching ESPN or playing Doom with your buds.
First thing's first. To be a good conversationalist, you have to be a good listener. Cultivate your listening skills. Learn to ask questions. Pay attention. Make that person feel like the most important person in the room and, when somebody speaks, learn to read between the lines. After all, there's often quite a gap between what someone says and what someone thinks. The body language of that person will tell you everything you need to know.
Second, learn really good manners. No, I don't mean the prim, effete, extend-your-pinkie-while-sipping-tea kind of manners. I'm talking about the basic etiquette of sitting at a table with someone, going on a date with another person, and generally treating others with respect. These rules don't exist to fulfill some arcane code, but rather to make sure everybody is comfortable in any given social setting. Conversely, I'm always astonished at how thoughtless otherwise well-intentioned people can be.
Third, don't be a bore. When someone's attention is flagging, move on. At a party, half the fun is mingling with lots of other people. So when you monopolize someone's conversation, they are missing out on talking to other people. Once they've made the rounds, they'll circle back and talk to you again. So don't worry about it.
Fourth, leave 'em wanting more. Be the first person to move on, rather than yap on endlessly.
Five, learn some decent conversation openings. Ask how they know the hosts, what brought them to the social gathering, if they have children, what they do for fun, where are they originally from, et al. Throw a few open-ended questions into the mix. People like to answer open-ended questions. And while Question-And-Answer is not a civilized form of discourse, it is a good way to get the ball rolling.
Six, be interesting yourself. Eventually, they'll want to know about you. The trick is to not tell them everything about you in the first 15 seconds of meeting them. Read interesting books. Watching interesting movies. Do interesting things. Share your enthusiasm with them.
Be a good listener. This is HUGE with people and a very underrated skill. Genuinely take an interest in what they are interested in. If you meet a lady you like and she happens to be interested in, say... getting her pilot's license, then Google this, read a book about it and be able to converse with her on flying an airplane. Believe me, she will warm up to you fast.
I'm not saying a woman will fall in love or be attracted to a man who listens attentively or is interested in their hobby, but it sure won't hurt.
I also think you're over-analyzing all this. Just talk to people naturally and listen to them. I don't think you can really learn vast social skills when you're an adult. You should have learned all this as a kid. You can improve, but your personality is basically set by now.
Be a good listener. This is HUGE with people and a very underrated skill. Genuinely take an interest in what they are interested in. If you meet a lady you like and she happens to be interested in, say... getting her pilot's license, then Google this, read a book about it and be able to converse with her on flying an airplane. Believe me, she will warm up to you fast.
I'm not saying a woman will fall in love or be attracted to a man who listens attentively or is interested in their hobby, but it sure won't hurt.
I also think you're over-analyzing all this. Just talk to people naturally and listen to them. I don't think you can really learn vast social skills when you're an adult. You should have learned all this as a kid. You can improve, but your personality is basically set by now.
I've had a girl who showed interest in my favorite sport, boxing. She didn't like it as much before. It was not necessarily what made me accept her invitation to go out but it did break the ice and we had another topic we could talk about.
Only thing I would add? Take up public speaking (google "toastmasters" and your location) or take an acting class at the local community college (usally cheap).
If you are ~truly~ an introvert, these simple exercises can help. I'm an INTP, but am often mistaken for an extrovert. Why? Because I learned long-ago how to call up the "extrovert plaidmom" when required to speak to groups, to appear on camera, or to attend a social function. I'm still "me", but "she" is a character I can play when needed.
Women are human beings just like you. Talk to them like you talk to anyone.
Don't get hung up on being a 'smooth talker' or an expert in chit-chat. I personally hate chit-chat and prefer someone who is being authentic rather than the canned speeches you'll get from 'how to talk to hot chicks website/books'.
It's a numbers game so the more you talk and put yourself out there you will get more comfortable with the process and yes, even the rejection. Get involved in your interests in social events and you're bound to meet a girl who gets you.
No I try to find things we are both interested in and talk about that...
Like the other week I met a girl who studied microbiology, and since I'm studying biotechnical engineering we talked about the potentials of genetic manipulation and its appliances for quite long, but then the party kinda moved on to a club, that was all dancefloor-loud-music... I danced with her some, but avoided doing it too much because I'm kind of a bad dancer and I didn't want to bore her with my limited amount of moves(this is another area I'm aiming to improve in).
And after a while she apparently went home, and that was that.
The most successful friends (women and men) I've observed in social situation, regardless of any flaw they have is that they ask a lot of interesting questions to the other person, fun questions not too personal and ACTUALLY LISTEN, to the response with interest and laughter and maybe even a follow up question to what they said which only shows they are actually listening. Make it more about the other person feeling comfortable instead of about yourself. Listen, Listen, Listen.
No I try to find things we are both interested in and talk about that...
Like the other week I met a girl who studied microbiology, and since I'm studying biotechnical engineering we talked about the potentials of genetic manipulation and its appliances for quite long, but then the party kinda moved on to a club, that was all dancefloor-loud-music... I danced with her some, but avoided doing it too much because I'm kind of a bad dancer and I didn't want to bore her with my limited amount of moves(this is another area I'm aiming to improve in).
And after a while she apparently went home, and that was that.
You talked about microbiology at a party!!!!! You took such a safe route. Good start but I do see a flaw. You were trying to put her at ease talking about something neutral and in common. Well, now that I think about it, genetic manipulation is not a very neutral topic.
She did right at the end. There is something to learn from this.
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). 
You took such a safe route. Good start but I do see a flaw. You were trying to put her at ease talking about something neutral and in common. Well, now that I think about it, genetic manipulation is not a very neutral topic.
