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It can definitely be mutually beneficial. Families used to live together out of necessity, and it made for a richer life, in some people's opinions. Now we're all rich enough to live isolated, which makes us spiritually poorer. My family's gone now, but I treasure the time we shared.
Yup. This is why immigrants who come here from other parts of the world often house multiple generations in one dwelling. It's part of their culture, because most of the world isn't affluent enough for single generations to have a house all to themselves. And considering how housing is generally the biggest expense for most of us, it can be a very smart move if you're seeking financial independence or early retirement. Unfortunately, there's a huge stigma associated with it in America, but I feel like that's slowly changing as growth of cost of living continues to outstrip the growth of wages, and people in their 20s face the worst effects of this.
Many in the UK, especially younger people, simply cannot afford to have a place of their own anymore. Even college educated, well paid millennials in London can't afford a place of their won anymore. But if they have family that has owned a property for many years, it's a no brainer to just stay with them.
My uncle has lived his entire life in the same house. He is 56, he does not have any physical or mental limitations, and he did not help his parents when they were battling diseases (grandpa died in 1996 and grandma in 1999). He inherited their house after my grandma's death.
He is the baby of six kids and was coddled by my grandmother. He basically stayed in his room smoking pot for a few decades. When he was in his 30s, my aunt gave him a job as a maintenance person at an apartment complex her company managed. I was just a kid, but to my knowledge, that was his first steady job. I believe he still works there (there has since been a divide between my mother and aunt and the rest of their siblings, so I haven't seen or spoken to him in at least a decade).
Yes, I know of a few people who are still living with their parent(s) into adulthood. I have 2 female cousins who still live with their mother (my aunt) and have never been married. One is nearly 40 and the other is in her mid-50's and doesn't drive.
The other is an old friend of my husband's who still lives with his parents; he's the baby of the family and doesn't do much except go out to bars and smoke pot and his parents pay for everything. We had to distance ourselves from him because he just got to be too much in a lot of ways and we were getting married and starting a family. The last thing we needed was that kind of person in our lives.
One of my exes lived with his parents until at least his 30's and, for all I know, still lives there. I was at a local bar and he was in there bragging to someone that he had no bills and no responsibilities. I don't know how he could be proud of that, but whatever.
There are two people that I used to work with that lived with their parents. One drank copious amounts of alcohol, and the other would spend his money on say, a hunting dog that cost $1200. This is information that they shared freely.
I get that in some cultures that it is customary for people to live in a parental home until they get married and have kids. I also get that some people are the caretakers for their parents. But, having said that, taking steps toward independence is character-and -esteem building. I lived on my own in an apartment for 16 years and bought my own home almost four years ago. And no, there is no husband to speak of. I did this myself. And this gave me the confidence and strength that I probably wouldn't have if my parents would have enabled me. No one owes anyone else an easy life.
Also, there is a word for people that get along "too well" with their parents. It's called "enmeshment".
I think jobs and TV and wars--moved people away from those family knit communities. The glamour of the big city and college, military... In our sheep days- everybody stayed inside the walls. Maybe leaving Europe- people left home, and that tradition or way of life changed the pattern, and that's why we have evolved that way. WE have to leave home to be successful adults- not sure if is all that good.
Technically, I can only think of 2. One second generation Portuguese. One living with someone who is second generation Portuguese. The Portuguese peeps are cousins.
The female never moved out but instead got married, her husband moved in, they added an addition, had kids and voila! Instant live-in retired grandparent baby sitters. Everyone is happy. And saving lots of money on housing and daycare!
The second is the exact same scenario. Irish/Italian American female (but not of recent relative immigration) who married a second gen Portuguese male. Lived in her fam house right through college. Got married. Built an addition and had kids.
Both males have lived out of their fam homes but the chicas never did.
Honestly, I WISH that I liked anyone in my F#d up fam enough to live w them! I think it would be mutually benificial emotionally and financially if they weren't all psychopaths.
Oh- one more story comes to mind. This one very sad. My dad and his 4 siblings parents died when he was only like 16. The oldest like 20. They all lived in the house, and so did I with my mom as a baby just like 3 years later.
About 2 years after that (we had moved by then back to my mother's parents' house), the one and only female sib got married and bought out the other siblings' shares of the house. (Although their parents had not even payed it off before they died.) She still lives there w husband. She's never lived anywhere else.
Kinda different though because she was basically an orphan and didn't live w her parents as an adult. Makes me sad to think of them so young and alone.
I have known of several from a man in the neighborhood that I grew up in, a guy who lived near me when I was in college to a few people I know today. All seemed to be single, sane and well employed nice people but I can't help but to think there is something weird beneath the surface because it is so unconventional to not want to leave the nest and live life on your own.
Many of them seem bookish and cheap, sitting on a pile of money all the while they still live with a mother who takes care of their every need.
Last edited by thriftylefty; 03-17-2016 at 10:21 AM..
This. It's actually not uncommon - or weird - in certain ethnic groups, including first and second gen European immigrants. Frankly, I think it's stupid that every family member over 18 is expected to have his or her own house or apartment, live there in isolation, and use up all sorts of money and resources in the process. How much more sensible to live in groups where both space and the work is shared...
I think it's all part of the American Independent Spirit, even if they can't afford it, like every individual having to drive his own SUV alone every day instead of carpooling or taking public transportation. Silly and wasteful! I had friends who were being supported by others - either family or the government - in their own apartments, yet they were considered more adult than I who lived at home but was entirely self-supporting while I saved for my first house. At any rate, not every ethnic group has this hang-up.
I agree to an extent. In NY, where rents are out of control, many working adults live at home until as old as thirty years old because wages haven't caught up with the cost of housing. As an artist who has worked at an unstable career, I have been in and out of my parent's home many, many times. My Dad understood my struggle and I could not have done it without his support. I also know many childish men who were smothered by their mothers who still live at home. I think it depends on the situation. If an adult is working and responsible but can't afford high rents or for other valid reason, I see no reason why living at home should come with a stigma. Many ethnic groups prefer to live as extended families--Italian families tend to buy multiple family homes so that many generations can live under the same roof. I think that is wonderful! It takes a village to raise a child and to lend support to one another. Moving away from your parents doesn't always make you responsible--look at all of the drunk, bankrupt, adults living away from their parents. Are they more responsible or "adult?"
When I was living in a studio apartment the size of a prison cell I wasn't treated with any more respect than I was when I was living at home, and I was also able to help my parents with things they could not handle. So, it was a mutually beneficially relationship and there's not anything wrong with that.
I know several people who never left home. I have an aunt who is 95 and is still living in the family home. Never married but did work her entire adult life.
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