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I have an awkward situation. I am an adult male who has no desire and never had any desire to any sexual intercourse or intimacy. All I read is that males think about sex; that sex is natural, that desire is natural, etc. But it has never been for me. I have seen therapists who tell me to watch porn, I did that and nothing. Bored to death. I was a teenager, never dated, and never thought about sex...in my 20s I tried to date as that was what I thought I was supposed to do and nothing.
What is it that wired me this way..... just no desire period.
The huge complicated picture in this is that I got married, and thinking that I could have sex after I got married. I thought maybe just maybe that was why I didnt think about it. I thought it was taboo. Got married, on the wedding night and honeymoon and thereafter for a year we tried and nothing. I tried medication, nothing.... just no desire period. For anyone....
It is very hard to discuss this as everyone assumes I just need to relax, drink or do something and it will occur naturally. But it doesnt. Anyone know anyone like this??
I am in good health, no diseases, I have seen doctors, I did take medicine for low testosterone.....
You might be asexual. You can search for that term and see if it resonates with you.
Some people are not interested in sex at all believe it or not, and you are not alone. People have varying amounts of sexual desire and not all men want sex all of the time.
You might be asexual. You can search for that term and see if it resonates with you.
Some people are not interested in sex at all believe it or not, and you are not alone. People have varying amounts of sexual desire and not all men want sex all of the time.
Hi
Yes I have read about asexuals...and I plan on doing further reading on it. I find it very difficult to discuss with anyone as they assume you must be gay, which I am not, or have a medical issue, which I have been tested for, or I dont like them. None are true....
But yes I do agree I should seek the assistance of another professional. I saw one several years ago, who was just like relax and think of naked woman and your problem is solved. Nope....
I feel embarrassed to say I am married to a wonderful woman, who is caring, but also is sexual. I cannot give her near the intimacy I should and it over the years severely strains our marriage.
I have been married 14 years.... and at first we did try and I just couldnt get there....I look sex as more like a task, doing laundry, emptying the dishwasher, etc. Just something to check off the list. But she was very hurt. To this day we are still married, have 3 kids -- not conceived thru sex -- and wondering if it is best to let her off and be with someone who can be intimate. I don't want too, but again I wouldnt blame her either. I feel horrible saying this, but yes we have been married for 14 years and have never had full sexual intercourse. She has never strayed away from the marriage and I certainly have no desire too. I feel awful, but I always thought I could overcome this issue....that if I try harder.....but just nothing.
I just wanted to vent a little and let folks now there are some of us out there....I feel like I am the only one sometimes.
I feel embarrassed to say I am married to a wonderful woman, who is caring, but also is sexual. I cannot give her near the intimacy I should and it over the years severely strains our marriage.
I have been married 14 years.... and at first we did try and I just couldnt get there....I look sex as more like a task, doing laundry, emptying the dishwasher, etc. Just something to check off the list. But she was very hurt. To this day we are still married, have 3 kids -- not conceived thru sex -- and wondering if it is best to let her off and be with someone who can be intimate. I don't want too, but again I wouldnt blame her either. I feel horrible saying this, but yes we have been married for 14 years and have never had full sexual intercourse. She has never strayed away from the marriage and I certainly have no desire too. I feel awful, but I always thought I could overcome this issue....that if I try harder.....but just nothing.
I just wanted to vent a little and let folks now there are some of us out there....I feel like I am the only one sometimes.
I have talked to a lot of asexuals. What some couples do is have an open marriage/relationship but I know that it doesn't work for everyone. The big thing is accepting you can't control how you feel unless your lack of desire for sex is related to trauma, which it doesn't sound like it is. You probably don't want it.
You can try talking to her about your lack of interest in sex and see if she wants to try a different arrangement. If you haven't told her anything about it, she probably thinks it's her fault.
But yes I do agree I should seek the assistance of another professional. I saw one several years ago, who was just like relax and think of naked woman and your problem is solved. Nope....
I feel embarrassed to say I am married to a wonderful woman, who is caring, but also is sexual. I cannot give her near the intimacy I should and it over the years severely strains our marriage.
I have been married 14 years.... and at first we did try and I just couldnt get there....I look sex as more like a task, doing laundry, emptying the dishwasher, etc. Just something to check off the list. But she was very hurt. To this day we are still married, have 3 kids -- not conceived thru sex -- and wondering if it is best to let her off and be with someone who can be intimate. I don't want too, but again I wouldnt blame her either. I feel horrible saying this, but yes we have been married for 14 years and have never had full sexual intercourse. She has never strayed away from the marriage and I certainly have no desire too. I feel awful, but I always thought I could overcome this issue....that if I try harder.....but just nothing.
I just wanted to vent a little and let folks now there are some of us out there....I feel like I am the only one sometimes.
You are the way you are, but I'm very sad for your wife. Did she know about this before you married?
I have talked to a lot of asexuals. What some couples do is have an open marriage/relationship but I know that it doesn't work for everyone. The big thing is accepting you can't control how you feel unless your lack of desire for sex is related to trauma, which it doesn't sound like it is. You probably don't want it.
You can try talking to her about your lack of interest in sex and see if she wants to try a different arrangement. If you haven't told her anything about it, she probably thinks it's her fault.
Yes she is aware and yes she has lots of guilt.....but we do talk about it.
You are the way you are, but I'm very sad for your wife. Did she know about this before you married?
Hi
Its one of those things, where you say well I do want sex because I believe in no sex before marriage. To me be intimate is being there to talk and do things for them. Sex to me was a task and something I just wasnt interested in. I tried a few times, but could never finish it out so to speak. I had thoughts on I am too hot, what I will do tomorrow, etc. There just wasnt any emotion or feelings to it, despite the fact I did like the person.
Fast forward to my current wife, I again assumed I couldnt do it and feel like it as I was brought up to wait til marriage. So she was fine with it. Wedding night it was too hot and tired so we just slept. Now honeymoon came and I tried but as before no emotions for me, thus my mind couldnt get off of other things like its time for sleep, or whatever. It meant a lot to her, but to me nothing. And while I could get to some degree an erection it never could last and as soon as someone touched it it would go down.
So we tried on/off for a year or so and nothing. I became fustrasted and so did I. So instead of her getting upset and thinking it was her, which it wasnt, we just forgot about it. I was fine with it. I couldnt explain myself as I have never felt any other way.
I am fine with the way things are. I am not sure what the future holds. We are in counseling. She loves me and I love her.
The only mistake you made was getting married. You decided you needed to be a complete conformist instead of living happily the way your were made. There is nothing wrong with being uninterested in sex, marriage, and a permanent relationship with one person. There are millions like you. Have you completely discussed this with your wife? I'd suggest you come clean if you haven't, and let her know exactly how you feel, and then let her make her own decision. BTW, I'd also apologize for what you've done. Most people enter marriage with an expectation of regular sex, children, etc.
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