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Ever have a feeling that is the opposite of regret? That is, the feeling of relief that you didn't do something when you see something later reminding you of how that decision could've turned out very badly?
When I was 19, I was friends with a guy who came from a very wealthy family in another country (I don't want to name which country, but it doesn't have a great record on humanitarian/corruption issues). He offered to fly me over there, at his expense, to visit, since I hadn't been to that country. I asked him what was the catch, asked if he understood that we were just friends, etc. He said it was fine, that the cost was nothing to him, etc.
So I very nearly almost did it. However, I had a weird feeling that this was too good to be true, that there is no such thing as a free lunch, etc. And I said no.
He seemed fine with it at the time, but long story short, he revealed himself over time to be a dangerous stalker who, without my knowledge, allegedly rearranged his life around the assumption that we'd get married.
But that was then. Today I stumbled across sobering statistics about domestic violence, forced marriage, and difficulty of women escaping/divorcing abusive husbands in that country, including with western females who married men from there...and I just want to kick myself for even having considering the idea of going there to meet a local alone, in a country whose language I didn't know at all.
Does anything stick out in your mind as, "Thank god I didn't do that...I can't believe I almost did!"
Broadly, there are people I'm relieved to have gotten away from (or that I didn't get any more involved with than I did)-
don't wish to divulge details.
Also, most of my life has been lived w/o the internet, meaning I made most of my embarrassing mistakes/mishaps offline
(rather than have my errors forever haunting me in the virtual world).
Point is that I'm very thankful for having grown up (been a kid & teenager) without having my foolish decisions or passing fancies preserved for posterity online.
Many things I *almost* did-that I can remember now-would be things I considered posting/writing online, but at last minute caution prevailed & I changed my mind.
For me, there are mostly examples of "glad I did not do that", despite the common notion that people are more likely to regret what they didn't do.
I'm far more likely to regret things I've done & to be grateful for not having done plenty of other stuff.
IOW, I agree with OP's premise, at least it's valid for my personality/temperament, how my brain operates.
It's just the nature of my mind not worry much (when thinking of the past) about the "what ifs"-I can't imagine endless possible ways I could've chosen any "better"-
instead I'm happy that things didn't turn out worse, that I did the best I could at the time, and now I know better (in some areas, not everything).
One could make a choice that seems better in the moment, yet end up with a poorer/less satisfactory outcome-I don't fret a lot about what's over & done.
I was 21 years old and was visiting Hamburg, Germany for a few months as a part of my college studies. My friend and I were invited to a party with a bunch of people we didn't know. It was mainly adults who were way older and much more sophisticated than my friend and I.
When it was time to go, a man staggered up to us. He was well dressed, devastatingly handsome and epically drunk. He gave me his card and said his name was Johnny Hurricane and would I like him to drive me home in his sports car, which was very fast. A few of the people who were around us snickered and it seemed that Johnny Hurricane might have a sketchy reputation.
I was intrigued and wavered a bit (A handsome German guy! A sports car!) but a very sane voice in my head was wondering how many of his conquests made it back to their homes safely. I still think with a shudder about Johnny Hurricane, and I wonder what my fate would have been, had I accepted his offer.
We were 17-18 yrs old out to a nearby granite
Quarry that's filled with water from a spring
A fav swimming and party place for years
Well. After a few beers, us guys started daring
One another to jump off higher and higher cliffs
There were a couple girls in bikinis we were
Trying to impress
We got to the highest cliff 76 ft high
Lots of folklore that many kids have got seriously
Hurt or died. Because you have to land just right
Or you are landing on huge rocks - the jump was
Nick named hells-gate
There are signs around the cliff- that it is a felony
To jump - it is attempted suicide
( police would often patrol these quarries for underage
Drinking and give warning for jumping over 30 ft)
I was determined to jump this hells gate
And so was a buddy- the girls walked over to us and told us we were crazy
I said I'll go first. I looked over the edge and almost threw up
You have to run and jump to land in just the right spot- so I backed up
My friend said ok. You win. Let's not kill ourselves - I said I'm still going to do this
So I said a prayer and started to run thinking of how hard I have to jump
To land right - I get going. Running faster and faster. Then I trip over a root at the last minute
I stumbled fast to the ground but can't stop from going over the edge- I'm screaming
I can't stop the forward momentum - I push off with one leg and spiraling down. Screaming
Knowing I'm not out far enough and will hit a rock.
Then something truly amazing happens- like time stops. I feel pressure
Under my back - lifting and straightening my body
Next this I feel/ hear is a painful crash in the water
My legs went down in the water then swerved to the surface
I struggled to the surface
Gasped for air. And climbed out of the water half my body was red from the impact
But I was alive and didn't hit any rocks
All the kids came running down - they asked how the f-- did I fly forward ??
I said I don't know- some angel must have saved me!!!
From that day on we were all believers
I never again jumped from a high cliff
And looking over the edge thru the yrs I say to myself. You stupid idiot!!!
Driving home after 9 pm after work along the back roads I usually used. Driving, pounding rain which became worse as I turned off onto a lonely back road. Drove up the road which wound around going steeply uphill. Rain increased and visibility, even with my lights on bright, went black.
I thought if I continued I'd see the road, and I didn't know if someone was behind me. Instead of keeping on, I stopped in the road and waited. Rain let up and I could see. I was facing the edge of a steep drop. If I'd gone on, I would have crashed into trees and goodness knows what else.
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