Can bottling up my emotions make it difficult to feel positive emotions like love and joy? (psychologist, counselor)
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Since I was a child, bottling up my emotions was a way of life for me. It was how I coped with life. I withdrew into my own world shutting everyone out and didn't talk much to anyone. When I was in Highschool, most days, I could go through the entire day barely speaking a word.
My parents rarely showed love and affection towards each other, not even "I Love You". With me and my siblings, I don't recall ever being hugged or hearing my parents telling us "I Love you"
My father is what you would call a "man-child" He was very uninvolved in parenting putting all the responsibility on my mom. At home, all he did was watch tv and sleep. Occassionally, he'd help with cooking. (And yep, they're still married)
My mom would always complain about my dad. Still does. I became very resentful of my father because of it.
I was the oldest of 4 siblings. At times, my mom would accuse me of things I didn't do. I would then be angry on the inside. One time she accused me of stealing something and checked my pockets in front of everyone that was around. I felt so humiliated.
My parents were "emotionally distanced". Like when an issue came up my mom would frequently say "I don't want to talk about it".
I have a hard time with expressing love, laughter, joy, positive emotions
Last edited by HappyFarm34; 11-26-2014 at 09:50 PM..
My mom would always complain about my dad. Still does. I became very resentful of my father because of it.
Ok, so something you can work with. You have a resentment, as you well should. But you should consider facing all of your resentments, including deep seated ones, and do what needs to be done to cast them out.
For me, resentment is like dripping acid on my own soul.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34
One time she accused me of stealing something and checked my pockets in front of everyone that was around. I felt so humiliated.
Humiliation, guilt, shame, all very painful emotions/states of consciousness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34
I have a hard time with expressing love, laughter, joy, positive emotions
There are many words for what we call "love" in older cultures. But looking at love, joy, etc. as states of consciousness, they are very high, freeing, wonderful places to be.
We can achieve and enjoy higher states of consciousness, but getting and staying there from lower states of consciousness is a very difficult and trying journey for most. Some folks get "lucky" by experiencing a near-death experience or something of the sort. Some folks try to get there with drugs, alcohol, etc., but that becomes a very dangerous stolen/borrowed experience and usually results in falling lower in the end.
Here's a map of the states of consciousness that I've been trying to learn about. Hope they spark your interest;
Yes there is much more to life and it is quite wonderful to openly express feelings of love, anger, sadness, etc.
However getting there is sort of like a non-operational car on the side of the freeway. You need a tow truck to pull it where it needs to go.
Or in other words, I think this would be quite difficult to do on your own or accomplish by reading books, etc. Best to get help from a counselor who can use a bit of "tugging" to get those emotions out.
For example someone may have trouble expressing anger towards any other person. A counselor can "role play" a bit and tell you it is ok to get angry at her - then maybe do something to tick you off.
And then she can keep telling you it is ok to say you are mad. Keep at it until you finally say something. Then she can give you feedback as to if your expression of anger was too little, just right, or way overboard (like if you start picking up things in the office and smashing them! )
You can find counselors and psychologists in the phone directory, at college health departments, and at your county health department where they may have free or low cost counseling.
yes bottling up you emotions can prevent you from living a full rich life. it can also cause an explosive release of your emotions, usually anger as that one is the most prevalent in younger people. however dont confuse being quiet and reserved with bottled up emotions. i too can go for days without saying anything to anyone, but i have long since released my bottled up emotions in a constructive manner.
Since I was a child, bottling up my emotions was a way of life for me. It was how I coped with life. I withdrew into my own world shutting everyone out and didn't talk much to anyone. When I was in Highschool, most days, I could go through the entire day barely speaking a word.
My parents rarely showed love and affection towards each other, not even "I Love You". With me and my siblings, I don't recall ever being hugged or hearing my parents telling us "I Love you"
My father is what you would call a "man-child" He was very uninvolved in parenting putting all the responsibility on my mom. At home, all he did was watch tv and sleep. Occassionally, he'd help with cooking. (And yep, they're still married)
My mom would always complain about my dad. Still does. I became very resentful of my father because of it.
I was the oldest of 4 siblings. At times, my mom would accuse me of things I didn't do. I would then be angry on the inside. One time she accused me of stealing something and checked my pockets in front of everyone that was around. I felt so humiliated.
My parents were "emotionally distanced". Like when an issue came up my mom would frequently say "I don't want to talk about it".
I have a hard time with expressing love, laughter, joy, positive emotions
What you learned is turning your anger inwards, and as a result, learning to accept depression as a way of life.
Why bottle things up? You're only perpetuating the problems even more by running away and denying when you're hurt.
Face your fears and challenge your father's man-child tendencies. Stand up for yourself next time your mother accuses you of something.
Spend less time with toxic people. Keep your mind clear. You can only heal to the level of awareness and actions you take to turn your life around.
If too much time is spent denying and bottling up emotions, yes, one can become 'emotionally flat lined'.....it is as if you would be constantly flipping a light switch ON and OFF. Eventually it can remain in the OFF position. Eventually, however, emotions can be revived but it takes being away from what is causing the emotional turmoil for a given amount of time (different for each person).
Since I was a child, bottling up my emotions was a way of life for me. It was how I coped with life. I withdrew into my own world shutting everyone out and didn't talk much to anyone. When I was in Highschool, most days, I could go through the entire day barely speaking a word.
My parents rarely showed love and affection towards each other, not even "I Love You". With me and my siblings, I don't recall ever being hugged or hearing my parents telling us "I Love you"
My father is what you would call a "man-child" He was very uninvolved in parenting putting all the responsibility on my mom. At home, all he did was watch tv and sleep. Occassionally, he'd help with cooking. (And yep, they're still married)
My mom would always complain about my dad. Still does. I became very resentful of my father because of it.
I was the oldest of 4 siblings. At times, my mom would accuse me of things I didn't do. I would then be angry on the inside. One time she accused me of stealing something and checked my pockets in front of everyone that was around. I felt so humiliated.
My parents were "emotionally distanced". Like when an issue came up my mom would frequently say "I don't want to talk about it".
I have a hard time with expressing love, laughter, joy, positive emotions
I think that bottling up emotions (as in: they can overflow later, you can blow up at the inappropriate time) is not quite the same as developing a style of life where you always supress them or not learn to express them.
I think you are right, you are acting this way because of training yourself all your life to act this way. It's scary for people like this to start to act emotionally. I think that's why some people use sarcasm. They are scared to say what they really feel so they throw remarks around that won't allow others to come close (or won't allow others to see what's really going on inside).
It's been the same way for me (the non-expression emotions thing and my family wasn't expressing them either).
When people bottle up their emotions, it makes them less likely to live authentic and satisfying lives, and they are likely to attract the same: people who lie to themselves constantly and create their own mental hell.
Bottling up your emotions is toxic like cancer invading your body. You may think you're doing the most "rational" thing when in actuality stuffing down your feelings is the most irrational behavior anyone can do. You learn behaviors that reinforce your sadness, anger, and self-hate.
When people bottle up their emotions, it makes them less likely to live authentic and satisfying lives, and they are likely to attract the same: people who lie to themselves constantly and create their own mental hell.
Bottling up your emotions is toxic like cancer invading your body. You may think you're doing the most "rational" thing when in actuality stuffing down your feelings is the most irrational behavior anyone can do. You learn behaviors that reinforce your sadness, anger, and self-hate.
It's bad and difficult no matter which way you go. If you suppress them and never express them, you are hurting your self and your life. But if you don't suppress them, you will get beaten by life (If you open up emotionally to people who don't respond to you in the right way, you will suffer pain.)
Can't escape suffering. The only question is: which of this suffering is more beneficial? You can choose that road.
Or which of this suffering you can actually endure...
It is, from what I've seen, difficult to selectively suppress certain emotions and not others, because emotions interact with each other organically. The more you suppress emotion X the more you blunt / numb emotions Y & Z and all the others.
It is necessary, I think, to fully experience and acknowledge even unpleasant emotions and experiences, and thus process them effectively and adapt intelligently to life. You're then free to fully experience life and not to fear emotions. This is consistent with standard mindfulness teachings, too. Mindfulness is all about bringing greater awareness and less judgement and resistance to experience as it arises. Doing so tends to result in calmer, less resistant, more honest engagement with life.
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