Borderline Personality - what percentage acknowledges they have it? (relationship, people)
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I know we are learning more and more about this disorder all the time, and I have ordered the workbook "Stop Walking on Eggshells" which helps people deal with BPs in their lives. So far it's been very helpful and describes things that my friend does, so precisely it could have been written about her.
Does anyone know how many people with the disorder know they have it? Are most in denial?
Does it help, when in an argument with a BP, to tell them that their current behaviour is typical BP behaviour?
I read Stop Walking On Eggshells too, thought it very good and insightful. I guess that in the throes of an argument it's not going to be very useful to to tell a sufferer that their behavior is typical BP. Something I took in from the book, was an understanding, or at any rate, a reminder, that it's better to try to not take the attacks personally ... and to feel some compassion - the BP is suffering - the rage is really pain. That said, no one is going to suggest that it's easy to deal with - especially when you're unfairly under attack. Here in another thread - someone pointed out (here I roughly paraphrase) that you have to learn to love the person for who they can sometimes be. Hope things work out.
I'm diagnosed with BPD. In my opinion, something which would really help people who met the criteria for diagnosis to accept their difficulties would be if there was a reduction in stigma surrounding it. I do think this is something that's improved greatly even just in the last few years, but there is still a lot of misinformation and pejorative attitudes surrounding BPD.
I don't personally think that mentioning that 'this is a typical BPD behaviour' in the midst of an argument would be helpful (though everyone's different). You may decide to broach the issue when things are calmer but you might want to be sure you can explain why it is a typical BPD behaviour specifically and not just a poor communication skill that many BPs and non-BPs alike may turn to when tension is high.
I'm soon to be engaged to my partner of the years. What helped me is that he sees me for who I am and not for the diagnosis. He is aware I have BPD but I don't really think he knows loads about it. If there is an issue in our communication he (or I) will simply offer an alternative solution.
That works for us but it may not work for every couple/other relationship.
Thanks so much for these helpful replies. I do think for the non BP, the hardest thing at first, is to separate the person from the disorder. During an argument, is it best to walk away/distract?
Eg. BP: "You're always too busy for me"
Non bp"oh, I am sorry... I will try to be there more for you" -- BP says 'Liar."
Or, Non bp says: "I've just had so much on my plate, things I need to get done. So sorry!" -- BP says, "You are not sorry. Everyone puts me last so I know I'm not worth the bother"
In my experience when a BP is in anger mode - about things not being enough, nothing will ever be enough.
Rewarding the rant is a mistake, you have to try to remain loving but firm. Something the book, points out, if something is genuinely your fault, concede it.
I do not agree that the person with Borderline Personality Disorder is different than the disorder itself.
And I do not agree that who the person is - is not the diagnosis. The diagnosis is a huge part of the person.
A person IS who and what his or her behavior is.
Behavior IS the person or a huge part of the person.
One can still like or love the person with Borderline Personality Disorder despite his or her poor behavior.
Well, I suppose what I should have said was, when the BP person tells me she hates me and never wants to see me again, and that I am a lying b---- and the worst excuse ever for a human being and I'm the one who is mostly to blame for the way she feels.... that she really doesn't mean it. So when I said it's hard to separate her from her disorder, I meant that it's easy to become very hurt and confused by the words that come out of her mouth. When I remember she has this disorder, it makes it easier.
Well, I suppose what I should have said was, when the BP person tells me she hates me and never wants to see me again, and that I am a lying b---- and the worst excuse ever for a human being and I'm the one who is mostly to blame for the way she feels.... that she really doesn't mean it. So when I said it's hard to separate her from her disorder, I meant that it's easy to become very hurt and confused by the words that come out of her mouth. When I remember she has this disorder, it makes it easier.
Yes, unreasonable behavior is unreasonable behavior, but knowing someone has a disorder is certainly a strong mitigator (though not an unconditional get-out card). Someone with BP or any other mental disorder, shouldn't be wholly defined by their illness.
On a side note - going from good guy, to worst person in the world, in minutes flat, is par for the course.
Yes, unreasonable behavior is unreasonable behavior, but knowing someone has a disorder is certainly a strong mitigator (though not an unconditional get-out card). Someone with BP or any other mental disorder, shouldn't be wholly defined by their illness.
On a side note - going from good guy, to worst person in the world, in minutes flat, is par for the course.
Thanks, Modernist. Is it your experience that the bp can direct his or her bp behaviour at certain individuals only? eg. spouse, children, and no-one else is necessarily aware that anything is wrong with them? My friend seems to flourish and work and is quite popular. And with her children, she may occasionally lose her temper over seemingly small things, but that's all they see.
Yes, sometimes people with BPD are able to 'compartmentalise' their lives so that in some areas they(we) are high-functioning, and in others, much more chaotic.
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