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Please I need some help with my 29 year old son who lives with me. He started using drugs at 15 years old; it eventually led to heroin and when he couldn't afford heroin, he started shooting up his father's Oxycontin because my husband would never take them but he would refill the prescription anyway. I think at some point he realized that my son was using but he didn't want him to go through the pain of withdrawal. He was an enabler but that's not the point of this thread. I didn't realize he was a drug addict until about a year before my husband died. I worked, my husband was already retired.
Six years ago, after my husband died, my son started at the methadone clinic, then suboxone, then got clean. The problem is he never gave his brain a chance to heal before he started drinking. Since I don't drink at all I think he drinks too much, he will have a 4 pack of the hard beer and recently I have found a quart of bourbon in his room. I remember my sister telling me about an episode on Dr. Phil, the guest doctors said the mental age a person is when they started using drugs is pretty much the mental age they will be when they stop using the drugs. This seems to be very true. My son still acts like a teenager: he never cleans his room or his bathroom. He's content to binge watch stuff on Netflix or play video games. Leaves beer bottles and empty food dishes on the nightstand and stays in his room 24/7 unless he is out with friends. He also has a 7 year old daughter from a relationship before she cheated and left.
He lost his job last month when he was jumped by four guys outside a waffle house and they damaged his eye pretty bad. It was the first job he ever had. He had surgery two weeks ago and will probably have to have at least one more. He seems to be spiraling downward quickly. He was supposed to pick up his D from her mother's Saturday. He never showed, which is unlike him when it comes to his daughter. I didn't hear from him until Sunday and as a mother I was assuming the worst: he was dead, in the hospital or in jail. He spent the weekend with a gf who is 12 years older and drinks too much. He said he "may" have mixed his meds (Wellbutrin and something for anxiety that I can't remember the name of right now) with some alcohol because he doesn't remember anything. This is his second "black-out". At one time he was having pseudo seizures.
I got a text from his at 3 this morning saying he counted his meds and he didn't take too many. He just has a whole day he doesn't remember. Now he's saying he thinks he has some form of dementia and he's very despondent. I don't know what to do for him. His general doctor gives him his meds and for awhile it seemed he was doing better but he always forgets to take the Wellbutrin. He saw a psychologist once but felt because the doctor was only a few years older than him that he didn't have enough experience.
I keep hearing family and friends say he needs his brain "rewired but I don't have the faintest idea of who he needs to see. The only insurance he has is Medicare because his father got him disability when he was 19 for the agoraphobia and social anxiety (which he didn't have before using drugs). Should I see about getting him into Teen Challenge (it's not just for teens) or some sort of a live in program? The mental health facilities in our area are horrible. He needs more than to be pumped full of more drugs. What do I do? I'm afraid he might do something to himself eventually.
I'm sorry to say your son's brain may be damaged from the drugs, and brain damage is almost always permanent. That said, just as with any form of dementia (the worse drug-induced brain damage I see as an OT is so-called "wet brain" in long term alcoholics). Your son can though get some training and rehabilitation, Medicare should pay for some outpatient services (OT/Speech (speech therapists work on cognitive defecits). Your first step though is to get him evaluated and to have medical issues ruled out, as there are many infections/diseases that can mimic or cause dementia. General doc is first, get a referral to a physiatrist (rehab doctor). Once organic causes are ruled out ask for a referral for cognitive testing to see where he is.
If you think he is depressed or may harm himself, you NEED the get him to a doctor to get the depression treated FIRST (depression can also cause cognitive symptoms, btw).
A teendrugrehab program does not to me sound geared to brain injury, so again you must rule out physical versus psychological issues before you can decide what is the best way forward.
I am sorry you have to go through that. I lived with a heroin addict for 8 years. He started with drugs when he was 13. Now he is 43 and still on and off. In and out of prison and therapy. He has nice parents, good childhood, but just has that "addict gene."
In my opinion, some addicts are born to be addicted to SOMETHING. They cannot enjoy a glass of wine. They cannot casually smoke weed. They cannot smoke a cigarette here and there. They need to be addicted and have that thrill.
Some of these people I have seen change themself and turn it into something good. They need the thrill and became extreme athletic. It is not like a drug rush but running several miles or downhilling (mountainbiking down steep grades) or rock climbing, etc. gives them a slightly comparable feeling.
That's the only advice I have for you. For him to find something he is passionate about enough to use that as his outlet.
Thank you all. My sister and my niece's husband are going to talk to him tomorrow. There is a program in my area that is Christian based called The Dream Team. Although my son claims to be agnostic at one time he believed. In talking to him today he sounds very, very depressed although he told me he is not suicidal. He has been seeing a GP doctor for a few years and he saw an endocrinologist who didn't find any of his hormone levels off.
And yes my son has an addictive personality. He smokes too much, drinks too much, whatever he does it's always in excess. As a mother we always blame ourselves: "I should not have worked or I should have noticed something or it's my fault he smokes because I did when he was young and didn't quit till he was 12". I've never been around any of this; nobody in my family had any addictions except for my father who was a chronic gambler.
Hopefully tomorrow can be the start of some healing for him. If you are Believers please say a prayer for him.
Thank you all. My sister and my niece's husband are going to talk to him tomorrow. There is a program in my area that is Christian based called The Dream Team. Although my son claims to be agnostic at one time he believed. In talking to him today he sounds very, very depressed although he told me he is not suicidal. He has been seeing a GP doctor for a few years and he saw an endocrinologist who didn't find any of his hormone levels off.
And yes my son has an addictive personality. He smokes too much, drinks too much, whatever he does it's always in excess. As a mother we always blame ourselves: "I should not have worked or I should have noticed something or it's my fault he smokes because I did when he was young and didn't quit till he was 12". I've never been around any of this; nobody in my family had any addictions except for my father who was a chronic gambler.
Hopefully tomorrow can be the start of some healing for him. If you are Believers please say a prayer for him.
I will As an aside, ask his doctor specifically about depression. There is no lab test to detect it, but meds can be helpful along with his spiritual group (there is nothing to worry about with addiction regarding depression meds, they don't make you high or anything). Don't assume your son told the doctor what he's feeling, even if he told you he did.
Thank you all. My sister and my niece's husband are going to talk to him tomorrow. There is a program in my area that is Christian based called The Dream Team. Although my son claims to be agnostic at one time he believed. In talking to him today he sounds very, very depressed although he told me he is not suicidal. He has been seeing a GP doctor for a few years and he saw an endocrinologist who didn't find any of his hormone levels off.
And yes my son has an addictive personality. He smokes too much, drinks too much, whatever he does it's always in excess. As a mother we always blame ourselves: "I should not have worked or I should have noticed something or it's my fault he smokes because I did when he was young and didn't quit till he was 12". I've never been around any of this; nobody in my family had any addictions except for my father who was a chronic gambler.
Hopefully tomorrow can be the start of some healing for him. If you are Believers please say a prayer for him.
The addict I know has a wonderful mother and family. His brother is one year younger and never did any drugs. They grew up like twins. Just one was strong minded, the other one weak. Nothing really you can do.
Maybe believing in God can help him. I know a guy who used to snort cocain regularly, he found God and now is the biggest believer ever, is married and has children.
I believe in turning the focus to something else that he can be passionate about. Either God, or sports, or any hobby. Since your son has a child and that did not make a difference, I would guess, he needs a real tough sport he can put his energy to and brings him to his limits. I heard boxing is very therapeutic, too. If there is a mentor/older friend who would introduce him and guide him, that would be excellent.Maybe the church has members he can be friends with and look up to.
I have a friend who was very depressed and dirt biking helped him. He was racing every weekend and this adrenaline rush lasted for the whole week and his depression was almost non existent.
He is on Wellbutrin but forgets to take it all the time. He's also on Klonopin for anxiety. He was doing pretty good until he was jumped and lost his job. It really killed what little self esteem he had.
Also depression often causes memory loss. I mean it's virtually slowing down your whole brain. He does need to be seen by a doctor. He may not be suicidal today or maybe he's not admitting it but it can get worse if it's not managed.
I think it would be possible for your son to recover his mind. Your brain is just like a muscle, the harder you work it, the stronger it gets. He should start by reading a lot, then move on to crossword puzzles and sudokus. Then maybe pick up an algebra book online and start working some of the problems.
I'll tell you right now that I used to smoke a lot of weed and it was not until I went jail (not prison) for a minor drug related charge that I finally woke up. I saw where my life was going and I knew that I did not want to be poor and possibly live the rest of my life with my parents. I knew that I wanted to live at least a middle class lifestyle.
Once I stopped smoking weed it was like my mind woke up. I was reading every book I could get my hands on. I think I read "It" by Stephen King (over a 1000 pages) in about a week, which is fast for me. I started taking math courses at my local community college and worked my way up through linear algebra and partial differential equations at the University level, getting better and better as I moved up. I found that working by brain really really hard was in itself addictive.
Of course, I was always good at math, even prior to going through my drug phase but my point is that your son needs to find something non destructive that grabs him with great intensity. It must have a strong enough pull that it makes him quit his destructive lifestyle. It must fill that void once he is able to quit and get the drugs physically out of his system.
He needs to participate in a sobriety support group of some sort and gradually wean himself off of his other medications. It could be that they're causing some of his mental problems.
Rehab sounds good. There are some that integrate outdoor activities and healthy challenges with other counceling. He might find those more interesting.
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As an aside, ask his doctor specifically about depression. There is no lab test to detect it, but meds can be helpful along with his spiritual group (there is nothing to worry about with addiction regarding depression meds, they don't make you high or anything). Don't assume your son told the doctor what he's feeling, even if he told you he did.
