Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My mother in law didn't like my housekeeping, and I can't blame her but we have different styles. Everybody has a neatness quotient that they can tolerate. I used to think of this poem when I had babies.
Quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep. Babies Don’t Keep Poem That is a link the website I pulled that from. It has the whole poem.
Those were my values. Hers were to prop the baby up and clean the house.
I understand that you need a clean house. I would be honest with my family and tell them that you cannot tolerate mess and come up with a system of where things go, like loose papers and backpacks and stuff. If you need to, hire a housekeeper. Family is important but so are you, so you have to work it out. I think it is good to own the fact that you need things neat and that messiness isn't a bad thing, or naughty or a character flaw but that you need tidiness for your personal comfort.
When my kids were growing up, I couldn't stand noise. I had so much on my plate and I couldn't take too much noise. I told them that I couldn't stand it and it hurt me. They could make a reasonable amount of noise but I couldn't tolerate yelling and screaming and annoying noises. They were quiet anyway, they weren't that loud but I was honest. This was when they were old enough. I was ok during the crying baby stage. I could handle what they couldn't help and it didn't bother me at that time. Even then I didn't like loud noise but it was a non-issue when it came to crying babies, because babies do cry. They also make messes.
Please, from what she describes, she's miles away from OCD. You are interpreting her statements to infer that she has some obsessive preoccupation that occupies all her attention. Then you're adding in the damning "or you wouldn't have posted this" statement that we see so often here. As if simply posting some thoughts to strangers online means a person is overcome by something that is shaking their very world.
The OP is normal. A normal mom and wife who likes things to be in order, but tolerates a lot of stuff that's disordered in the interest of sanity and in the interesting of acknowledging the realities of real life with kids. Although she puts up with some disorder, she knows that she feels more "at peace" when things are ordered (and I wholeheartedly agree with her). But not feeling supremely "at peace" all the time is a far cry from being "besieged" by OCD.
OCD has many different levels and faces. If I falsely recommending a 300 page book to someone, than that will be the best thing I've done all year. IMO, I wasn't damning, it was logical, sorry for the logic.
I agree with the OP. Living in a clean, clutter free environment, is more relaxing and you can think better. Same goes for a cluttered desk at work. Being neat and organized has it's rewards.
Our house is currently on the market, so I spend more time cleaning than before. It's worth it to enjoy a clean smelling, neatly organized house. Someone on this forum, recently wondered if any rooms frightened people in their home. I'd have to say, a scary room would be one that is dirty and disorganized.
Me personally, I have a cleaning business clean every couple of weeks.( sometimes it's once a week when I can't get to anything) It's not worth the headache. People generally don't change their habits and generally only see that they need to change them when everything is piled to the ceiling. Then, do a lot of self destructive talk. ( I knew better, I shoulda, I woulda = blah, blah, bah) Just hire someone already. Money is a tool and not something that is guaranteed to keep a noose away from your neck, when you're 90. Blow it, because someone damn sure isn't going to do it for you. I hear stories all the time about how families expect their kids to help them and they don't. Kids stack their stuff to the ceiling just like their parents do.
Hire a service. No one in the family remembers and doesn't like to deal- young or old.
Please, from what she describes, she's miles away from OCD. You are interpreting her statements to infer that she has some obsessive preoccupation that occupies all her attention. Then you're adding in the damning "or you wouldn't have posted this" statement that we see so often here. As if simply posting some thoughts to strangers online means a person is overcome by something that is shaking their very world.
The OP is normal. A normal mom and wife who likes things to be in order, but tolerates a lot of stuff that's disordered in the interest of sanity and in the interesting of acknowledging the realities of real life with kids. Although she puts up with some disorder, she knows that she feels more "at peace" when things are ordered (and I wholeheartedly agree with her). But not feeling supremely "at peace" all the time is a far cry from being "besieged" by OCD.
You're right, the OP feels a mild disquiet. OCD is a very debilitating and painful disorder. Unfortunately, there's still a misconception on the part of many re the illness.
Please come and clean my house. I have no problem with straightforward things like sweeping, mopping, and scrubbing, but what to do with all the STUFF just sitting on tables and desks???!!! I walk pass it every day, not knowing what to do about it. I don't like clutter either, but I am stumped as to where to put all that stuff. I absolutely hate picking up clutter.
1. Make a firm, constant distinction to yourself between cleaning and tidying. No one would fault you for being upset about piles of unwashed dirty dishes stacked in the kitchen and heavy dirty rings in the bathtub and toilet. But that's not the same thing as things scattered on the counter. They're not equally important, right?
2. Maybe make a distinction between your space and shared space, and husband's/children's space. As a matter of fact, it would be nice if you had one room that was pretty much your own room, a study, a sewing room, whatever, where you could retreat to an oasis of order.
3. See if you can make clear to your husband, putting it on a personal basis, as a personal plea, that it's important to you. No one likes to be nagged. But try to put it as, Honey, I somehow get stressed and irritated by things scattered around - could you try to keep the top of your dresser clean, maybe get a pretty dish to toss your change?
I couldn't live in a house that was cluttered or dirty. By dirty, I mean floors not washed very often, fridge and stove dirty, dirty dishes all over, bathrooms not kept up, carpets dirty, etc. It's just about basic hygiene to me. Clutter is about disorganization and chaos, neither of which I'm very fond of.
She sounds very normal to me. I like my house to look like a model home, very open and uncluttered. I'm a guy who actually picks up things and puts them away, except for my room full of guitars. :-)
I like stuff organized and as free of clutter as possible. Like many of you, clutter annoys me. Whether at home or back when I was still employed, I always like a reasonably neat environment. Otherwise, it's harder for me to focus or even fully relax. My area doesn't necessarily have to be perfect but at least neat within reason. I too think there's nothing weird about preferring neatness over messiness. As long as the person is not obsessive about it, hey, it sounds normal to me. I never understand how folks can relax or get any work done in a cluttered space. Too distracting for me personally.
"
I grew up with a mom who was mad all the time about "messes", so she hid our stuff or even threw it out. It was like it was only her house and and nobody else had a right to their own activities unless she happened to approve. So I decided to take a different approach with my boys and keep it positive. Rather than getting mad, I just taught them to clean up and reminded them WITHOUT GETTING MAD ABOUT IT. Perfectionism destroys relationships.
This really resonated with me. I am so afraid of turning into this. I don't want to be the evil mom. My kids aren't bad. They're just kids! Sometimes I think, Well this is my house, my rules. But that isn't true, of course. We have a formal living and dining room that is just wasted space, so we turned that into a playroom JUST for them and they still can't manage to keep everything in there. I guess they feel banished. But it's so frustrating when their toys are all over my kitchen when their playroom is RIGHT NEXT DOOR.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nothere1
I think you have OCD.
Who is I? You are not happy or you wouldn't have posted this, you instead would be cleaning if I was indeed you. You are Obsessed, the origin for that word is Latin for besieged.
Compulsive, resulting from or relating to an irresistible urge.
Happy medium is a false goal, this is a mental problem, not a cleaning problem. I would suggest you read Brain Lock. $100 bucks says if you try to fix this your brain will switch to some other compulsive task.
Okay, this is funny. I'm not OCD. Not even close.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida
Here are suggestions.
1. Make a firm, constant distinction to yourself between cleaning and tidying. No one would fault you for being upset about piles of unwashed dirty dishes stacked in the kitchen and heavy dirty rings in the bathtub and toilet. But that's not the same thing as things scattered on the counter. They're not equally important, right?
2. Maybe make a distinction between your space and shared space, and husband's/children's space. As a matter of fact, it would be nice if you had one room that was pretty much your own room, a study, a sewing room, whatever, where you could retreat to an oasis of order.
3. See if you can make clear to your husband, putting it on a personal basis, as a personal plea, that it's important to you. No one likes to be nagged. But try to put it as, Honey, I somehow get stressed and irritated by things scattered around - could you try to keep the top of your dresser clean, maybe get a pretty dish to toss your change?
Thanks for these wonderful suggestions. We just moved into a new house and I DO have a room all to myself! My office (I work at home) and yarn room (I crochet for a hobby). It's not organized yet since we just moved in September but someday it will be my oasis.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
