Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why on earth are you sitting there waiting for someone for such long periods of time? Missing a cruise? I would have left her butt and gotten to the boat!
Years ago I had a friend with this problem. There were months of instances such as leaving me waiting at a table in a busy restaurant on a Friday night for over an hour. She was a very disorganized person in general, not just with time.
Finally, one night, she called and said she was going to pick up take-out and would be at my place in about 45 minutes. Two hours later she showed up at the door. I opened the door and said, I can't do this anymore, and said goodbye. She left with the food and we weren't friends anymore after that.
The thing with people like this, is that they do manage to get themselves on time for SOME of their appointments, so they are capable when properly motivated. Unless friends and families set strict boundaries and then follow through, it will just lead to resentment eventually.
A woman I've dated for 6 months is consistently late for everything and underestimates the passage of time, not just with me, but with everyone. I on the other hand, am very perceptive of the passage of time.
If I say I'll meet someone in 15 minutes, I will be there in 14 minutes and 59 seconds. If I make a reservation or appointment with someone at 11:30, I will be there exactly as the clock strikes 11:30.
In the entire time I've known her, she has only been on time once. I've noticed a trend too, she underestimates time by a multiple of 3. So for example if she says 5 minutes I can anticipate 15 minutes, if she says 1 hour, I can anticipate her in 3 hours, etc.
I've come to accept that this is how she is for our meetings, but it makes my blood boil when we are late for dinners/meetings/appointments with other people, sometimes by 30-90 minutes or more!
When we missed a cruise I was looking forward to all year because she was late I nearly broke up with her on the spot.
There are people who don't perceive the passage of time normally, because of some cognitive disability. I am one such person.
However with all the gadgets we have these days there is little reason for some of the behaviours you describe.
Being 15 mins late is one thing - but THREE HOURS??? Making you miss an entire cruise?
For heaven's sake, set a reminder in your phone. I have to do this even for things I do every single week. I still sometimes end up being 10 or 15 mins late - but at least I don't usually miss it altogether. I set multiple reminders in the phone - 4 is the max my phone will allow and I use all 4. Somehow that usually gets me where I'm supposed to be roughly when I'm supposed to be there.
Frankly I would have left on the cruise without her.
I get that sometimes people underestimate how quickly time passes. But there are ways to compensate for it. I have my bedside clock set 8 minutes fast and the clock in my car set five minutes fast. I have to force myself to be conscious of the passage of time and how long it truly takes me to do any particular thing, and give myself enough time to accommodate that activity. If I have to be somewhere and I don't know how long it will take to get there, I do my best to plan in advance and take a trial run if necessary. And most people own SOMETHING that tells time.
I think that if someone is habitually late, it tells me that they don't care enough about the people that they are keeping waiting in order to do anything about it. It doesn't sound like the person being described in the OP has some sort of deficiency or anything, but it does sound like she is rude. Either she could be more efficient with her time or tell people a more realistic time for her to show up so that she is not constantly inconveniencing everyone else.
The thing with people like this, is that they do manage to get themselves on time for SOME of their appointments, so they are capable when properly motivated. Unless friends and families set strict boundaries and then follow through, it will just lead to resentment eventually.
Right. If they can make it to a meeting with the boss or show up for a flight, they can certainly show up to a restaurant on time. And if they regularly leave me hanging, that tells me all I need to know about their priorities.
A woman I've dated for 6 months is consistently late for everything and underestimates the passage of time, not just with me, but with everyone.
...
In the entire time I've known her, she has only been on time once.
...
it makes my blood boil when we are late for dinners/meetings/appointments with other people, sometimes by 30-90 minutes or more!
...
When we missed a cruise I was looking forward to all year because she was late I nearly broke up with her on the spot.
The issue here is that this woman is a narcissist that doesn't care about anyone's feelings but her own.
On the other hand, there is no reason you were also late. You do not wait for this person. You walk out the door like your normally would, and if she is late, she is late, and then it doesn't reflect on you.
Not being on time to cruise, which costs money in advance, is a whole other issue. I would have left that heifer at the curb and gone alone.
No, it's not an inability to perceive time......it's pure and simple rudeness.
She's indicating that you and everyone else are not worthy of her making an effort to be on time.
I've never known a person like this to change, so if you decide to stay with her you might as well get used to it.
^^^ I had one person like that in my life. The 3rd time I had to wait for her more than 10 minutes, I left. She tried one more time. I left after 10 minutes. She never showed up late again.
yes, some people are bad with being on time. But there are clocks/watches/cell phones that you can utilize. So there really is no excuse.
So, how can this woman be on time for work every day?
If it is so bad, why don't you tell her different times? If dinner is at 7:30 why don't you tell her 6:30?
I really like this solution! Not only does it address the OP's negative feelings by reducing his waiting time, but it turns the table on the late habitue by giving her a dose of her own medicine if she shows and he's not there yet.
It also has great potential for forcing the problem to a head!
Years ago I had a friend with this problem. There were months of instances such as leaving me waiting at a table in a busy restaurant on a Friday night for over an hour. She was a very disorganized person in general, not just with time.
Finally, one night, she called and said she was going to pick up take-out and would be at my place in about 45 minutes. Two hours later she showed up at the door. I opened the door and said, I can't do this anymore, and said goodbye. She left with the food and we weren't friends anymore after that.
The thing with people like this, is that they do manage to get themselves on time for SOME of their appointments, so they are capable when properly motivated. Unless friends and families set strict boundaries and then follow through, it will just lead to resentment eventually.
I agree that it's rude to leave someone waiting at a restaurant for over an hour. I don't think that the situation is ruder if the restaurant is busy.
I don't make a big effort to show up on time when I am going to someone's house to hang out, eat take out, and do nothing. I don't consider it to be terribly rude if I am not there exactly when I said that I would be. It's not like I left someone twiddling their thumbs at a restaurant. They are in their own home. Certainly they can find a way to occupy themselves until I arrive. So there is just no urgency in the situation.
I hate to use the word anal because it's one of the words I dislike the most. But it's the only word I can use to describe your actions when dealing with the person that was late to hang out at your house. And I think that you were rude. It was thoughtful of her to bring you some take out.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-17-2017 at 10:43 AM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
I don't consider it to be terribly rude if I am not there exactly when I said that I would be.
Well, it is.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
