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I get it's only natural to be drawn toward or want to be around people that are positive and upbeat. Who wouldn't rather be around someone happy than someone who is sad?
People are drawn to others who they perceive as fun to be with. It's that simple.
Quote:
Originally Posted by manyroads
The problem with keeping things to ourselves is that when you don't talk about your problems, no one can help you solve them.
Hang with good friends, get counseling, or both. It's that easy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by manyroads
I understand the need to have a positive mental attitude (one of the first things they'll tell you if you work in sales) and the need for laughter to deal with everyday stresses in our lives. But how about having some compassion and empathy for those whose lives may not be going as smoothly as yours?
The best you can do for that sad person is encourage them to get some counseling. I'm not going to waste my time hanging around with some loser, but I'm friendly enough to encourage them to take steps to get that fixed. BTW church works for some, and provides more social contact--if you are of the religious persuasion.
Myself, I go around in good spirits and spread my joy and enthusiasm far and wide, even chatting up people in elevators or waiting lines. Sending good vibes... I like to think I improve lives around me by my being in good spirits.
Quote:
Originally Posted by manyroads
Well, with all of the STDs out there today, you do have to be careful about who you choose to sleep with. By the same token, though, sex is a basic human need, and even someone who isn't in a committed relationship still has to fill that need. Tinder might be known as a "hookup app" to the 20-something generation, but if you're 40+, good luck finding sex there! Most of the profiles from women over 40 that I see on Tinder make a point of telling you that they're "not looking for a hookup" or one-night stand.
You're right: I don't see so many people can't separate love and sex.
There's too many deadly diseases for me today, and even if you use a condom 100% of the time you are not guaranteed of complete safeness. AIDS, Hep C, drug resistant this and that...
I share sex only in committed, exclusive relationships. Perhaps both partners get STD tested early on. I'm in no rush to get laid. Admittedly that testing could be awkward. If not that then use a condom for a few months into the affair. Maybe bring up testing then, as preliminary to losing the condoms.
Lots of interesting theories in this thread so far: nature, smoking, prescription drugs, sex, alcohol, social media, tv news..
I will add another(which has actually already been mentioned but I'll add my spin) which I shall call "Perfection and Compliance" which seems to be very big now.
It's like society now puts forth the idea that there is a perfect way that people should be and then shames people into compliance.
The smoking is a good example, society has decided that The Perfect Person(tm) should not smoke so it actively shames and scares people into compliance.
40 years ago nobody cared if you smoked or didn't. Some may have even said it was good for you.
I'm not a smoker, just making an example but think of all the ways the average adult is told that they must comply these days.
The perfect weight, the perfect credit score, the perfect cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure, tire pressure, the perfect house and the perfect family.
Forty years ago did people really worry about any of that? I don't remember someone like Dr Oz on television then telling us what we should weigh. I don't remember some "expert" like Suze Orman telling us how to do our finances perfectly.
But here with are with "expert" after expert telling us what is the right way and what is the wrong way to live.
This takes a toll on people because now it makes the assumption that there is only ONE right way to live and all else should be shamed.
And I haven't even touched on how social media props all of this up as well.
I think the net result of this is that people don't feel as though they are allowed to have direct control over their lives anymore.
Their doctor, accountant, counselor, pharmacist, tv expert, internet expert, etc always trumps their own life decisions because they want to do everything RIGHT!
Just an other theory but I do truly believe that there is something very wrong with these times we are living.
A gilded age?
I'm happy to have grown up during a time when things were still a little bit lighter, although I think a lot of this started in the 80s.
It's like society now puts forth the idea that there is a perfect way that people should be and then shames people into compliance.
40 years ago nobody cared if you smoked or didn't. Some may have even said it was good for you.
I don't remember someone like Dr Oz on television then telling us what we should weigh. I don't remember some "expert" like Suze Orman telling us how to do our finances perfectly.
Oh, now I see what you are getting at, its very simple at its core.
You ain't the only one who notices this, the past election shows people are getting tired of certain types.
Translated, certain groups of people think its their purpose in life to play God and direct everyone else's life.
Having slowly attained some political power , they went mad. They became afraid of their own mortality and deal with it by trying to force everyone else to comply with their fear driven world view.
See the campus craziness, safe rooms are just places where they think they can suspend the 1st amendment for Americans.
I also notice a lot of the language they use "safe rooms" and "trigger word" are straight out of the rehab industry (addiction programs). So they are insane, I say this from experience, what you will mostly hear from patients in rehabs is insane logic. Thats why they're there, they're nuts.
There are certrain elements in society who stand to gain from this slow creeping insanity, they just lost an election and are now acting deranged at every level.
As their power is slowly removed they will fade from sight. Not to worry, God always wins.
Well like yesterday is a good example. I was at a hardware store and this older guy, who I assume owns the place, came over and started talking at me and telling me how his wife had passed recently and he was starting to tear up in the middle of the store and become emotional.
I felt really bad for the guy, I really did, but should you be tearing up at a total stranger in the middle of a public place?
Maybe if we actually knew each other it would have been ok and we could have gone aside and talked about it but it's like people these days think nothing of sharing every pain in their life with just anybody and very publically.
I mean I feel like a d*** for using that hardware guy as an example because it's obvious he was in pain but it's like an extreme example of what I get from a lot of people in public.
I also know people who have much better lives than I do and all they do is ***** and moan. Sometimes they even moan because they are TOO successful. These types you just want to smack.
Growing up in the 70s and 80s people just seemed more light-hearted. And they took pride in looking like strong individuals. They also seemed to have some humor.
I can remember the older relatives would visit and the family would walk out into the orchard and leisurely look at the trees. Can you imagine people doing this now?
Now everyone is running around and hyper or depressed or going through a crisis and belching their negativity into the world while claiming to be the victim of something.
Idk, I just crave simpler times. Maybe people could have some pride and keep it to themselves.
Wrong crowd, OP. Some relatives of mine just sold off the final parcel of an old orchard that's been in the family for at least about 60 years. They kept the old farm cottage as a vacation place (it's in a beach town) that the whole extended family takes turns using, as suits their schedule. The buyers of the last bit of it come down on weekends from the Bay Area, and tend the vegetable garden they planted, and enjoy sitting under the orchard trees, or tending them lovingly. They put a trailer on the property, and spend their weekends just hanging out, puttering around their garden, and going to the beach. Which is pretty much what the rest of us do, when we're using the little vacation place, and that includes the Millennials who come down for weekends. There's no internet connection there, so people really slow down and just enjoy the ambience. There are playing cards, board games, and bikes. Just good, old-fashioned fun and leisure.
I don't see anyone running around crazed, stressed, or in crisis. I haven't heard successful people moan about being successful. They're busy using their success to put their kids through college, and to enjoy an occasional vacation or weekend hiking or camping in the woods, breathing in the sweet fragrance of the cedar trees, or whatever.
Where do you live, that you see so much stress, and people who aren't able to slow down?
Let me put some of the posts above in perspective.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyrics from Laurie Anderson in "Only An Expert"
Now only an expert can deal with the problem,
Because half the problem is seeing the problem.
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
So if there's no expert dealing with the problem,
It's really actually twice the problem.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem,
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
Now in America we like solutions.
We like solutions to problems.
And there's so many companies that offer solutions...
Companies with names like Pet Solution.
The Hair Solution. The Debt Solution. The World Solution. The Sushi Solution.
Companies with experts ready to solve the problems.
Cause only an expert can see there's a problem,
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
Now let's say you're invited to be on Oprah,
And you don't have a problem.
But you want to go on the show, so you need a problem.
So you invent a problem.
But if you're not an expert in problems,
You're probably not going to invent a very plausible problem.
And so you're probably going to get nailed.
You're going to get exposed.
You're going to have to bow down and apologize,
And beg for the public's forgiveness.
Cause only an expert can see there's a problem,
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
Now on these shows, the shows that try to solve your problems,
The big question is always How can I get control?
How can I take control?
But don't forget this is a question for the regular viewer.
The person who's barely getting by.
The person who's watching shows about people with problems.
The person who's part of the 60% of the U.S. population...
1.3 weeks away, 1.3 pay checks away from homelessness.
In other words, a person with problems.
So when experts say, Lets get to the root of the problem.
Lets take control of the problem.
So if you take control of the problem you can solve the problem.
Now often this doesn't work at all because the situation is completely out of control.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem,
Only an expert can deal with the problem,
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
So who are these experts?
Experts are usually self-appointed people or elected officials,
Or people skilled in sales techniques, trained or self-taught,
To focus on things that might be identified as problems.
Now sometimes these things are not actually problems.
But the expert is someone who studies the problem,
And tries to solve the problem.
The expert is someone who carries malpractice insurance.
Because often the solution becomes the problem.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem,
Only an expert can deal with the problem,
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
Now sometimes experts look for weapons.
And sometimes they look everywhere for weapons.
And sometimes when they don't find any weapons,
Sometimes other experts say, If you haven't found any weapons,
It doesn't mean there are no weapons.
And other experts looking for weapons find things like cleaning fluids.
And refrigerator rods. And small magnets. And they say,
These things may look like common objects to you,
But in our opinion, they could be weapons.
Or they could be used to make weapons.
Or they could be used to ship weapons.
Or to store weapons.
Cause only an expert can see they might be weapons,
And only an expert can see they might be problems.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem,
Only an expert can deal with the problem,
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
.
And sometimes, if it's really really really hot.
And it's July in January.
And there's no more snow and huge waves are wiping out cities.
And hurricanes are everywhere.
And everyone knows it's a problem.
But if some of the experts say it's no problem,
And other experts claim its no problem,
Or explain why it's no problem.
Then it's simply not a problem.
But when an expert says it's a problem,
And makes a movie and wins an Oscar about the problem,
Then all the other experts have to agree that it is most likely a problem.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem,
Only an expert can deal with the problem,
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
And even though a county can invade another country.
And flatten it. And ruin it. And create havoc and civil war in that other country.
If the experts say that it's not a problem,
And everyone agrees that they're experts good at seeing problems,
Then invading that country is simply not a problem.
And if a country tortures people,
And holds citizens without cause or trial and sets up military tribunals,
This is also not a problem.
Unless there's an expert who says its the beginning of a problem.
Cause only an expert can deal with the problem,
Only an expert can deal with the problem,
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can see there's a problem.
And seeing the problem is half the problem,
And only an expert can deal with the problem.
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
I'm always weary when people are quick to claim that someone else lacks a semse of humor. Not everyone shares the same sense of humor. That does not mean one is humorless.
Lots of interesting theories in this thread so far: nature, smoking, prescription drugs, sex, alcohol, social media, tv news..
I will add another(which has actually already been mentioned but I'll add my spin) which I shall call "Perfection and Compliance" which seems to be very big now.
It's like society now puts forth the idea that there is a perfect way that people should be and then shames people into compliance.
The smoking is a good example, society has decided that The Perfect Person(tm) should not smoke so it actively shames and scares people into compliance.
40 years ago nobody cared if you smoked or didn't. Some may have even said it was good for you.
I'm not a smoker, just making an example but think of all the ways the average adult is told that they must comply these days.
The perfect weight, the perfect credit score, the perfect cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure, tire pressure, the perfect house and the perfect family.
Forty years ago did people really worry about any of that? I don't remember someone like Dr Oz on television then telling us what we should weigh. I don't remember some "expert" like Suze Orman telling us how to do our finances perfectly.
But here with are with "expert" after expert telling us what is the right way and what is the wrong way to live.
This takes a toll on people because now it makes the assumption that there is only ONE right way to live and all else should be shamed.
And I haven't even touched on how social media props all of this up as well.
I think the net result of this is that people don't feel as though they are allowed to have direct control over their lives anymore.
Their doctor, accountant, counselor, pharmacist, tv expert, internet expert, etc always trumps their own life decisions because they want to do everything RIGHT!
Just an other theory but I do truly believe that there is something very wrong with these times we are living.
A gilded age?
I'm happy to have grown up during a time when things were still a little bit lighter, although I think a lot of this started in the 80s.
OP, those are just basics on taking care of yourself. That's just part of being an adult. Aside from those basics, everyone's free to wing it as they see fit, and create their own life. Nobody requires you to have kids, like back in the 50's, when that was a pretty strict expectation. These days, in some parts of the country, no one even cares if you get married or not. And btw, you can opt out of social media, you know. No one's holding a gun to your head. You'd probably have greater peace of mind by not participating.
You have a ton of choices in life. It sounds like you're creating your own stress by buying into expectations, OP. No one's responsible for that except you.
Looks like I'm getting a little backlash here, which is fine. Pretty much par for the course on public forums when you make a somewhat controversial statement.
But I stated this thread to convey the mood of the nation as I see it at least compared to other times.
Is it all subjective? You bet it is! But who said that we had to be objective on this forum?
Anyway, I've been thinking today about grit. Let me capitalize that, Grit!
It seems like there is a real disdain for anything gritty these days.
Like everything is made sterile. I think a good example of that would be the gentrification of cities.
It also kind of blows my mind that you can have the same Walmart/McDonalds/Target experience whether you are on the east coast or the west coast.
The same sterile stores and strip malls. The same restaurants.
I was listening recently to a podcast where the speaker said that all the major cities are starting to take on the same "feel". His theory was that this is being done by design. I won't go into conspiracy theories but I liked his point about the sameness.
I think of Grit as being anything that is not sterile and duplicated. An environment where there is an air of chaos.
I'm beginning to think that everyone needs a little bit of daily Grit to feel alive.
I guess that is why these big dramatic series on tv are so popular now because they give people grit by proxy.
You can sit in your nice, soft, climate controlled living room and get your daily Grit.
Or I could be full of ****..er...Grit!
I'm just spit balling different reasons why I think this is a lame era.
I also notice a lot of the language they use "safe rooms" and "trigger word" are straight out of the rehab industry (addiction programs). So they are insane, I say this from experience, what you will mostly hear from patients in rehabs is insane logic. Thats why they're there, they're nuts.
There are certrain elements in society who stand to gain from this slow creeping insanity, they just lost an election and are now acting deranged at every level.
I can't pretend to understand American politics, but it does remind me of the movie, "One Flew Over the Cuchoo's Nest," except I can't pick out who are the crazy (or not crazy) inmates in American politics, or who really has possession of the keys to the nut cage.
One would assume from the recent election that the votes indicate the conservatives are the keepers of the keys, and that the liberals are the inmates.
I'm disturbed from the noise coming up from south of the border that the inmates have not given up the thought of entertaining the notion of grabbing the keys. Just like the movie.
Yet what kind of asylum is it, that the keepers don't have Psych degrees and the inmates do have Psych symptoms in your DSM-IV. (We Canadians are a bit further along in updating our MCC transition to DSM-5, not to say that we will get there first.)
Not to say that our healthcare system is better. Far from it. Maybe our DSM... And not to say it's nothing more than a catalog of merely what constitutes mixed nuts. We share the same treatment regimes, CBT and all. DSM is just a label of what kind of nut. Both medical systems need to suss out what treatment the nut needs.
Yet what do you do when your politicians are psychiatrically diagnosable? (Please note my implicit opinion, noting that no psychologist would risk her license by diagnosing a patient without an intake appointment and several follow-up appointments before diagnosis, or risk violating our system which is a bit more complicated than your HIPPA but has much the same in effect. PIPA, PHIPA, PSA in QC, etc.) by publicly stating the results without patient permission.
I'm surprised at all the online and media "diagnoses" of Donald Trump and can only wonder if they are by "media psychologists." I would expect that in both US and CA a psychologist would lose her license by stepping over those bounds. Note that you don't need a license if you don't want to conduct a practice, in either country. A psychologist without a license is just another loud mouth on TV, with an opinion. And without a valid license. I can't see that Dr. Phil could possibly have a valid license.
Regarding humor - a friend of mine told me, "if you have to explain the joke, it just wasn't funny."
Lol, huh? It could also mean the other person just didn't understand the joke, not that it wasn't funny.
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