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I am a fairly new nurse, and often I have dying patients. Unfortunately, sometimes I get them on their last day or two and didn't have the chance to build a relationship with them. From a simply human perspective, what's the best way to be with someone who's dying? What matters the most to them, in that moment? What matters the most to their families?
I am a fairly new nurse, and often I have dying patients. Unfortunately, sometimes I get them on their last day or two and didn't have the chance to build a relationship with them. From a simply human perspective, what's the best way to be with someone who's dying? What matters the most to them, in that moment? What matters the most to their families?
That's as individual as the person. Take your cues from them, when possible.
Exactly. Follow their lead, because not everyone's desires will be the same.
Do your job in an unobtrusive way, and don't assume that you need to provide anything they don't ask for. Pay attention to their interactions and verbal & nonverbal cues, but mostly just be a calming presence.
No need to insert yourself into the dynamic if it's not necessary.
Exactly. Follow their lead, because not everyone's desires will be the same.
Do your job in an unobtrusive way, and don't assume that you need to provide anything they don't ask for. Pay attention to their interactions and verbal & nonverbal cues, but mostly just be a calming presence.
No need to insert yourself into the dynamic if it's not necessary.
You know...when my dad was dying (pulled life support, so we were just waiting) we had very kind nurses. The ones I remember most are the ones who showed some emotion with us, and the ones who would offer a pillow, or a blanket, or offer us a cup of coffee, etc.
It took my dad over a week to finally pass. It was hard. One day, my sister shaved my dad's face, and the nurse came in and took my dad's hand and told him how handsome he looked that day. (He was comatose....don't know if he could hear her or not...but I heard her.)
I have to think it's hard on the nurses too...and that's one of the reasons I always say nurses are angels.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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I was just going to say that, Sassy. The ones who care - or at least appear to care. They probably would burn out quickly if they actually did care as much as they appear to, but it's a great comfort when the nurses and doctors are humanly touched.
Support can extend in a lot of ways, even beyond your comfort zone. When/If any of them mentions seeing a "person standing right there" that you can't see, do not correct them. I've seen this occur a couple of times and I assured them it could have been their angel, and they were okay with that (which happened within a day or two of their passing, by the way). This may go beyond your comfort zone if you happen to not believe in that stuff; however, I think the medical field tends to insensitive to these sort of things. Like the time a doctor spoke to a friend about her boyfriend in a coma ~ right there in the room, talking about fatal scenarios, then the patient started to thrash in the bed. In his coma he probably heard every word and the doctor wouldn't know that.
Caretaking is thankless and underappreciated when it is done right. The broken bodies you see once ruled the world. Their world. It's coming to an end. Some will face it alone, except for with you. Care for them. Give them a chance to do well, even if it's just in PT or in self maintenance. We return to the baby stage.
Smile like you're happy to see them.
Calm them when they are in pain or embarrassed.
Placing a blanket over their shoulders or taking them out to see the sun.
Talking with them. Touch is big. One nurse could almost get all of her patients to go to sleep by coming over and rubbing the shoulders, not like a massage, just a circular rub, and the patients would just fall into her. It comforts them. They are here and will be watched.
Some will be inconsolable. Don't let it get you down. Some will have bad days. Just try to work out a dialogue with them. You're getting them ready to pass on.
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