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I am curious if others have had this issue before. I belong to a church volunteer group and was talking to a new member the other day. I asked her if she was new in town and she told me a bit about her family. When we were done talking she leaned forward and said "oh here, let me get this" and picked a very tiny piece of lint off of my cotton top (seriously, it was so small I hardly saw what she picked). I was floored because I do not know this woman, and I would never think of doing this to anyone. This woman herself did not seem to be a perfectionist with her own appearance. To me "straightening up" another woman's appearance is an act of aggression, a passive way of letting another woman know that she is not "up to par". If it were a close friend and they had spinach in their teeth, or if it was a family member who had something embarrassing then I might say something. But to a relative stranger I would never be so rude.
I am very tall and have been told I have an "authoritative" appearance. The irony is that once people get to know me they find I am a shy introvert. But because of my outside appearance I know I intimidate people and I think this causes a subconscious response with other women. I have had co-workers admit to me that I am nothing like they thought I was when they first met me.Since I have had this happen to me even in high school I am paranoid about being impeccably neat but it still happens. Has anyone else experienced something similar? My sister is also my height and she too has the same thing happen to her. I am curious what others think of women "straightening up" other women's appearances. To me it's not "helping" but rather something deeper.
IMHO you are being overly sensitive. My reaction would have been much the same if she had flicked a leaf off my shirt or mentioned that piece of spinach between my teeth; "oh thanks!" I would have been a little surprised that she noticed such a small thing, but nothing more. And, BTW, I am 6' tall, an introvert, and not terribly concerned about dress.
its not pc for another man to touch a stranger/woman in most any way but another woman doesnt have the creep factor as much..so ive seen many a women pick something off another woman even a hair....off a shoulder..
guys dont usually do this as much,,,,except for one area....a man will tell another man he is "flying low" if he notices and its in public......even a stranger will tell another guy this....and usually its appreciated,,
a woman that knows a guy will tell him...but usually a woman will be reluctant to tell a stranger this...except in a bar setting..
i find it interesting in business meetings how women/men interact.....before a meeting officially starts...ive seen women compliment other women on appearances and clothes/colors.....while doing this ...they will straighten up other women.....guys dont do this...unless you are very close friends.. if we see a guy that has something hanging off him.....we will think,,,better him than me....
one meeting we had a presentation.....one gentleman got up in front of us and had a very small sock sticking out of his wrist.... at the break,,,not one guy told him of the sock...
however a lady got up from the other side of the room and went and told him...and pulled the sock out discreetly and gave it to him trying to hide all this from the rest of us..... that was nice of her ... i think there is more of a mothering instinct when it comes to this straightening up stuff..
I am more sensitive but I think it's also because I have never seen a woman do this to others in all of the social interactions I've had. It wouldn't occur to me to do this.
Was she an older woman? Maybe a "grandma" type? And, this was a church setting, not just waiting in the line at the grocery store. I don't see a problem, some people just do those kinds of things being a part of a "circle" that does that. Better she do that then run and point out to others that you have lint on you, which is really more something people would do that I would unacceptable.
Myself, I would have let you know that you had some lint, and did you want me to remove it for you. I would never just reach out and remove it. If it were a bee or spider, I might immediately try to flick that off.
Again, this was a church setting, and I doubt she meant to imply anything other than being aware of it while talking with you, see thought she would just get it removed.
I am curious if others have had this issue before. I belong to a church volunteer group and was talking to a new member the other day. I asked her if she was new in town and she told me a bit about her family. When we were done talking she leaned forward and said "oh here, let me get this" and picked a very tiny piece of lint off of my cotton top (seriously, it was so small I hardly saw what she picked). I was floored because I do not know this woman, and I would never think of doing this to anyone. This woman herself did not seem to be a perfectionist with her own appearance. To me "straightening up" another woman's appearance is an act of aggression, a passive way of letting another woman know that she is not "up to par". If it were a close friend and they had spinach in their teeth, or if it was a family member who had something embarrassing then I might say something. But to a relative stranger I would never be so rude.
I am very tall and have been told I have an "authoritative" appearance. The irony is that once people get to know me they find I am a shy introvert. But because of my outside appearance I know I intimidate people and I think this causes a subconscious response with other women. I have had co-workers admit to me that I am nothing like they thought I was when they first met me.Since I have had this happen to me even in high school I am paranoid about being impeccably neat but it still happens. Has anyone else experienced something similar? My sister is also my height and she too has the same thing happen to her. I am curious what others think of women "straightening up" other women's appearances. To me it's not "helping" but rather something deeper.
I tend to agree with you. I don't like strangers touching me. I'm not talking about crowded situations...where it can't be helped (although really, I don't like that either...but I don't put any meaning in it.)
I would also feel like it's an act of aggression, if a stranger felt the need to touch me and my body for whatever reason. If said person wants to let me know about the lint, or the spinach in my teeth, or the leaves in my hair...whatever...tell me. Don't touch me.
Now...if I saw someone with something that might potentially be embarrassing to that person, I'd have to ask myself "If I tell that person he has this or that going on, would it help?" before I tell them.
Unless it is something potentially embarrassing (undergarment showing, etc.) I wouldn't do it, especially to a stranger.
I know some women are the "tag police". If your tag is sticking out they'll tuck it in for you - which I actually don't mind that much except for a little sheepishness especially it it's late in the day!
This is a bit off topic but, once I was sitting behind a young woman at a business conference when I noticed a little gray bug crawling in and out of her hair. It would pop out from her scalp, rest on a strand and crawl back in. I truly didn't know whether to say something to her about it and I was so focused on the ugly little thing that I couldn't even concentrate on what the speaker was saying.
Was she an older woman? Maybe a "grandma" type? And, this was a church setting, not just waiting in the line at the grocery store. I don't see a problem, some people just do those kinds of things being a part of a "circle" that does that. Better she do that then run and point out to others that you have lint on you, which is really more something people would do that I would unacceptable.
Myself, I would have let you know that you had some lint, and did you want me to remove it for you. I would never just reach out and remove it. If it were a bee or spider, I might immediately try to flick that off.
Again, this was a church setting, and I doubt she meant to imply anything other than being aware of it while talking with you, see thought she would just get it removed.
This woman is younger than I am. We recently moved into a new house and had a potluck where she attended. Another friend was raving about my house which made me a bit uncomfortable because most people in my church are from an older part of town and live in more modest homes. The "lint picker" woman was quiet and later on I wondered if she took a subconscious dislike to me because of that.
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