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I live on my own because I simply can't imagine any other lifestyle I could tolerate. That's not to suggest it's all a bowl of cherries but, when considering the alternative options of roommates, a partner or family members, it's best for my sanity overall.
As an only child I am no stranger to solitude and can't see myself seeking out company as a distraction from my own thoughts and feelings. Plenty of others are not as comfortable in their own skins and, in my view, are more likely to end up in relationships with people who may not suit them simply because they're afraid to be alone.
The kind of loneliness that troubles me stems from the absence of specific people, some of whom died a number of years ago. I have mourned, cried and said my goodbyes to all of them and made peace with the reality of carrying on alone, yet still the reality of their absence can overwhelm me. These people were cornerstones of my life growing up, and knowing I won't see them again on this side of the veil is sometimes too much of a burden to bear. How can I best give thanks and pay tribute to the past, yet leave it where it belongs?
My opinion? You need to steer your mind away from dwelling on your loss. You have a memory pop up of someone now deceased? Fine - acknowledge it and then turn your thoughts to something else. They are dead - they do not need your thanks and tribute at the expense of your own mental health.
I remember my childhood best friend and her mother who died when I was in my 20s. They were the linchpins of my life at that time. We had so many experiences where it was just the three of us. I'm the sole keeper of those memories now. I write them down when they come up and then leave them in the past. I don't believe in any sort of afterlife, but I do believe in honoring them and cherishing their memory. But not at the expense of my own mental wellbeing.
I also filled my life with more good people after I lost them. I too was an only child and very comfortable being alone. But not all the time. Sometimes you just need a support system to get you through the down times.
If OP's purpose was to slyly enquire if "s/he is alone" in these views, s/he is not.
Loners are rare critters, at least as far as I've ever been able to tell. I am one. My best friend's know-it-all GF calls me a shut-in, which I find amusing other than the pejorative aspect (I have a career, lead people and teams, mostly remotely these days. To her, that is...never mind). "Shut-in" who leads twenty five people...right. I just loooooove know-it-alls, too. The idea of having a companion in my life for longer than about a weekend is repugnant, almost literally.
I've been called a "recluse" by many, much more accurate, since it implies someone who may be living in plain sight but may not wish to engage much with others. That hits my mark better.
Yes, people die. My folks are gone, one too early and the other twenty years later of more-natural and old-age causes. Pets are dust in the wind, one in my arms (Rainbow Bridge) and another in my dad's (ditto), which while difficult was necessary and the men in our family do our duty. Rest of the extended family is dead to me, no intention of ever contacting any of them ever again (who knows, though: never say never).
I dunno, my mantle at the house is something of a tasteful shrine to the departed. I have some artifacts from each departed family member. For me, it is comfort to see them and ponder without dwelling the thoughts on it too much.
Others find solace in religion. If I did I'd light candles on birthdays and all that, or have masses spoken (I'm Catholic). Not seeing the point, personally, though it seems every ten years or so I do something like that.
I'd call the above "ceremony" which is how some keep the departed where they belong, in our memories but not obsessively so.
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Plenty of others are not as comfortable in their own skins and, in my view, are more likely to end up in relationships with people who may not suit them simply because they're afraid to be alone.
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What I think you are implyng is that more extraverted people are less comfortable, or somehow less superior, as you. People who seek and maintain friends are usually pretty comfortable "in their own skins."
There is no better or worse sort of people. But your post seems to me to refute your concept of yourself. You mourn for the people you have loved and who have died. So do we all. It is a human characteristic. You sound to me as if you are stuck in mourning, or at least in the past.
The way to cope is to keep living in the now. What do you have to offer the world now? And if you have been taught well, you can offer your talents in memory of those you have loved.
Have you thought of joining a grief support group?
Loneliness can kill as much any disease can kill so please do not justify being alone, it is unhealthy to your soul and will rob you of your life, please seek a group for help.
Most grief support groups are free and can be found by calling hospitals , clinics, churches and police stations.
I live on my own because I simply can't imagine any other lifestyle I could tolerate. That's not to suggest it's all a bowl of cherries but, when considering the alternative options of roommates, a partner or family members, it's best for my sanity overall.
As an only child I am no stranger to solitude and can't see myself seeking out company as a distraction from my own thoughts and feelings. Plenty of others are not as comfortable in their own skins and, in my view, are more likely to end up in relationships with people who may not suit them simply because they're afraid to be alone.
The kind of loneliness that troubles me stems from the absence of specific people, some of whom died a number of years ago. I have mourned, cried and said my goodbyes to all of them and made peace with the reality of carrying on alone, yet still the reality of their absence can overwhelm me. These people were cornerstones of my life growing up, and knowing I won't see them again on this side of the veil is sometimes too much of a burden to bear. How can I best give thanks and pay tribute to the past, yet leave it where it belongs?
Well, you made the first step in asking for help in dealing with loneliness. You ask a very good question about how to leave the past behind. You do this by interacting with the living.
I live on my own because I simply can't imagine any other lifestyle I could tolerate. That's not to suggest it's all a bowl of cherries but, when considering the alternative options of roommates, a partner or family members, it's best for my sanity overall.
You are not the only one. It's called having sanity. People are crazy.
Living on your own is fine as long as you continue to interact with friends and family members regularly. It's good for you and them.
As for giving thanks and paying tribute to departed loved ones, I can't think of a better way to do that than by taking the love and respect they gave you and giving it to others. In a way it's like they are still giving to the world through you.
My relationship front is very dry, ain't even got someone to drunk text. All my friends moved to other cities. Lone-Wolf approaches do not work at all in NYC...
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