Friends Who Can't Take Criticism (emotion, weight, relationship, feelings)
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What do you do with a friend/family member who can never take criticism?
Specifically...
If they do or say something that hurts you, you feel like you can't tell them because they will have an emotional explosion where all they will do is get mad at you for making them feel bad.
And then the emotional turmoil will never end until you apologize to them for making them feel bad.
I hope this makes sense
Last edited by bookspage; 09-27-2017 at 08:07 PM..
This describes one of my siblings to a T. The best solution in my case is to determine boundaries and maintain them. This type of behavior stems from self-centeredness and you don't have to give an audience to their BS. Distance - your new best friend. There is no changing this kind of behavior.
What do you do with a friend/family member who can never take criticism?
Specifically...
If they do or say something that hurts you, you feel like you can't tell them because they will have an emotional explosion where all they will do is get mad at you for making them feel bad.
And then the emotional turmoil will never end until you apologize to them for making them feel bad.
I hope this makes sense
You tell them the truth and if they feel bad that is their issue and the only reason the *emotional turmoil*
continues is because you allow it to continue.
If they cannot get over the issue then limit the amount of time you spend around them and if they start whatever it is they start turn around and walk away, hang up, quit texting, leave.
Do what you have to do to remove yourself from the situation without saying a word.
No explaination, no dramatics, no discussion, just end the scene immediately and move on with your normal life with or without them.
I have a friend who I have stopped communicating with because I feel like I am constantly criticizing him, as in laying down yet another boundary. He keeps trying to keep the relationship alive, but if it is to continue, it means me laying down yet another "rule" for behavior of his I don't like.
I don't think that's fair to him, honestly. Shouldn't he get to live the way he is without having to constantly bend to my idea of how he should behave?
I am thinking we're just not a match as far as being able to have a two-sided friendship. Even though, he's willing to constantly amend his behavior to keep the friendship going. It's not romantic, by the way, although I kind of wonder if he might want it to be.
My point is just that, you may want to think about whether or not you really have the right to criticize. You certainly have the right to have your own boundaries with how you want people to behave around you. But, that also has to come with their right to decide not to agree to that, and to stay away from you.
Because, criticism boils down to one person wanting another person to behave differently than they are. Or to be something other than what they are. So, do you really have the right to demand that of someone else?
It puts you into a judgmental place. Maybe it's just semantics, but you may want to go about things with a different frame of mind - as in, what your boundaries are, rather than being judgmental about how someone is.
One person can say, "you're so mean" and the other says, "you're so sensitive, I was just giving constructive criticism (that wasn't asked for)."
Criticism can also be demeaning, under the guise of "friendly" criticism. Without knowing your exact circumstances, I can't say if you're being mean. But, I know I had to learn the difference between boundaries and criticism and it's helpful, although often a fine line.
I used to be a person who could not handle criticism, teenage years and into early 20's. It gradually went away when I became more self-confident. Jealousy was also a big component, of what others had achieved and were doing better than I was.
In the art field (my field) I am careful not to criticize even when people ask for "constructive" criticism unless I know they have strong egos because saying the wrong thing can paralyze someone, make them doubt themselves and basically hate the person saying it.
But there are well-known teachers, generally male, who are very blunt in class critiques, it's the way things are done in some circles, they do not tiptoe around feelings, they say "Your perspective is wrong" or "I told you that is the wrong red, fix it." When you hear them saying blunt words to everyone it's clear it's not personal and you begin to grow thicker skin.
You cannot get better if you only get praise but I also know that some people are not qualified to criticize my work. I'll listen but learn more about them than anything else.
Would I ever criticize a friend? No. Why? Not my job. If a "friend" or family member ever told me I needed to lose weight or dress better or cook differently they are not a friend. Friends and family accept one another, faults or not. They are a safe harbor from the world's criticisms.
Would I ever criticize a friend? No. Why? Not my job. If a "friend" or family member ever told me I needed to lose weight or dress better or cook differently they are not a friend. Friends and family accept one another, faults or not. They are a safe harbor from the world's criticisms.
That's not what they said.
They said when the OP tells the friend something THEY DID makes the OP feel badly the friends have a temper tantrum.
Not that they're fat or stuff LOL.
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