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She's gonna hit you with the anecdotal" she approached guys all the time blah blah blah" but in reality most guys don't get approached often and average guys almost never get approached IRL. And to top that most guys who are approached don't often reject.
I wouldn't say I've approached guys all the time, but some of the more memorable times I got rejected was when I did, and at least once because it seemed "too forward" to him. Being pursued freaks some dudes out.
I've also been the one to initially make contact, but then withdraw (reject) shortly after, because of new information.
But then the whole "approach" thing is kinda silly to me. In my head, it implies like walking up to someone at a bar, or a bus stop, or any random place, and trying to start conversation with intent to wind up in some way involved with them, and that is not the environment where most of my new connections come from. If I "approach" someone I don't know in a social setting like that, I'm only being sociable. Friendly. Interest in progressing to sex, love, or anything, only comes in later after we've talked a while, IF then.
Even in online dating where that IS the purpose, I would talk to the guy on the message system there for some time before we ever met in person. Weeks, usually, at least. And I messaged a number of guys first, the ones that caught my fancy.
I wouldn't say I've approached guys all the time, but some of the more memorable times I got rejected was when I did, and at least once because it seemed "too forward" to him. Being pursued freaks some dudes out.
That's because 80% of men don't get approached, ever, except for "utilitarian" purposes (like hustling them for drinks). Especially by attractive women. So when you approached those men, you made them feel suspicious or even threatened by doing so, rather than intriguing them. Especially today, when large numbers of men became conditioned into viewing romantic interactions as a threat.
Sadly, the suspicion isn't going anywhere. The only working solution I can recommend for you, is trying a more innocuous approach than what you may have been doing. The kind that can pass for simple friendliness or even following the venue's etiquette, rather than romantic interest. Like "Care to dance?" in a bar or a concert where a live band is playing swing music.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 11-03-2017 at 10:52 AM..
That's because 80% of men don't get approached, ever, except for "utilitarian" purposes (like hustling them for drinks). Especially by attractive women. So when you approached those men, you made them feel suspicious or even threatened by doing so, rather than intriguing them. Especially today, when large numbers of men became conditioned into viewing romantic interactions as a threat.
Sadly, the suspicion isn't going anywhere. The only working solution I can recommend for you, is trying a more innocuous approach than what you may have been doing. The kind that can pass for simple friendliness or even following the venue's etiquette, rather than romantic interest. Like "Care to dance?" in a bar or a concert where a live band is playing swing music.
I appreciate...I think?...your good intentions in giving me advice. Hopefully I won't have to worry about it for a good long time, though, as I'm in a happy committed relationship with a man who seems downright perfect for me.
Seems to me that the whole business is men really wanting to believe women are the devil and up to no good. Women don't approach? That's bad and worth complaining about. Women do approach? What wicked intentions must they have... It becomes another case of damned if we do, damned if we don't, eh? Well, if your trust issues are that serious, and I know in your case where you stand and why (and I do respect it by the by, we've discussed this)...then I guess it's all for the best you're not going to respond well to any of it regardless.
I do think you're projecting a bit much. Lots of people don't act anything like any of this. But if you're determined to see things a certain way, then everything will look like what you're expecting it to.
It wasn't this "suspicion" that spooked the one dude. In all fairness, I did come on very strong. Thing is though... I continued to be "friends" on a certain site with the guy, and I watched his activity. I was grumpy about the failure of my (yes, rather forward) approach to him, I was very attracted to him. But as time went on, I saw more of how he thinks and what he likes and how his romantic connections tend to form and dissolve, and I concluded that in fact we wouldn't have worked out anyways. I believe that sometimes when something just doesn't get off the ground, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. It's all good.
In general, while I've been rejected enough to know how it feels, I really don't have any trouble getting dates, lovers, or relationships.
She's gonna hit you with the anecdotal" she approached guys all the time blah blah blah" but in reality most guys don't get approached often and average guys almost never get approached IRL. And to top that most guys who are approached don't often reject.
That's because 80% of men don't get approached, ever, except for "utilitarian" purposes (like hustling them for drinks). Especially by attractive women. So when you approached those men, you made them feel suspicious or even threatened by doing so, rather than intriguing them. Especially today, when large numbers of men became conditioned into viewing romantic interactions as a threat.
Sadly, the suspicion isn't going anywhere. The only working solution I can recommend for you, is trying a more innocuous approach than what you may have been doing. The kind that can pass for simple friendliness or even following the venue's etiquette, rather than romantic interest. Like "Care to dance?" in a Security Master protects your privacybar or a concert where a live band is playing swing music.
We could say this until we are blue in the face nobody listens.
Have any of you read Wild at Heart, by John Eldridge? It doesn’t specifically deal with rejection, but it is one man’s view on how society denies the basic nature of males. The book gets a bit preachy after awhile, but the beginning chapters are fascinating.
According to the author, men are naturally meant to be aggressive adventurers, yet society (schools, churches, etc) tries its best to tame them and change them. The natural tendencies of men are the reason why Columbus discovered America, and Lewis and Clark explored, and men went west to pan for gold.
By the same token, we women, even independent ones, want a dashing man who will swim through shark infested waters to get to us, not just a nice one.
Maybe those getting rejected are just acting too needy, apologetic, and nice?
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