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Just this morning me and one of my relatives were at a reception hall talking and catching up in one of the back rooms in preparation for a celebration. There were others scattered at the reception hall including my dad. He comes over to us and chimes in on our conversation (rudely) I might add. The next thing I know he has gone back to another relative and stated that we would not help him out with blowing up the balloons. She came right out and told us what he said.
The problem is he NEVER asked for our help. Not once did he say anything about balloons. He has done this several times in the past. I would remember if someone asked for my assistance. And furthermore, we were already folding napkins around silverware. He had no business trying to start drama on what is supposed to be a happy occasion. Thankfully, the relative saw through his act. I told her to not confront him because he has done things like this for as long as I can remember. Now here is to hoping he doesn't do anything else when the event starts. He lost my trust years ago and I distance myself as best as I can.
I'd say about 3 lies does it for me. Three significant lies.
Social lies like "Honey do I look fat in this dress" don't count for me.
I tried once a woman being unfaithful to me. Well twice. You know, in a relationship where we agreed we would be exclusive partners? I discovered (twice) that you can never recover your trust in your partner if they have sexually cheated on you with another person.
I have a new rule. If we have an exclusive agreement on me you touched the third rail, you die. (Not really, but if a woman cheats on me and we had an exclusive agreement, color me gone!)
Your hypothetical is not lying. It is gaslighting and passive-aggressive conflict-avoidant. Lying to me is a simplier behavior.
What you are dealing with is far more stubborn. This is his style. I have no doubt. This is how he handles anything he doesn't want to have to deal with.
That he would spend the money to take the week's trip yet have no real desire to discuss it shows that was your "retirement week". Now the week is over. He's treating it as if it is a passing phase you will get over. He assumes you will forget about it after a taste of AZ, or wherever it was. He tried to sway your opinion by finding something wrong with the model homes, that nothing out there is good enough. He also thinks that since he took you on the trip and nothing was a success that you will let it go, life will go back to the status quo, and hopefully you will just drop the subject.
Really he just doesn't know how to say his truth. He has no interest in moving there.
One of two things--either he does want to work forever and stay put, or Two--he is incapable of thinking and planning that far ahead/refuses to accept that one day life is going to change with old age.
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