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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 19 days ago)
35,672 posts, read 18,045,481 times
Reputation: 50730
Threads like this are always so interesting to me.
I still think it would be a viable business to help people in the OP's situation, and you hear versions of this story all over the internet. So helping them would be a lucrative business.
The person has no idea why they're off-putting, why they get first dates pretty often but never second dates, or they never even get first dates. They believe themselves to be fairly attractive (and maybe they are!) but they are unable to attract a partner.
I'd love to set up a business where those people come in, and we sit down and have coffee. And I'll tell them in 10 minutes what the problem is. Because everyone else in their life sees a problem in 10 minutes but won't tell them what it is.
My teeth are good. Straight and white.
I know it’s not only looks but I know plenty of good looking people with horrible personalities that attract and keep many men.
This topic is weird. I second the poster who says that you need to work on your relationship with your husband instead of thinking about such other, unimportant things.
Threads like this are always so interesting to me.
I still think it would be a viable business to help people in the OP's situation, and you hear versions of this story all over the internet. So helping them would be a lucrative business.
The person has no idea why they're off-putting, why they get first dates pretty often but never second dates, or they never even get first dates. They believe themselves to be fairly attractive (and maybe they are!) but they are unable to attract a partner.
I'd love to set up a business where those people come in, and we sit down and have coffee. And I'll tell them in 10 minutes what the problem is. Because everyone else in their life sees a problem in 10 minutes but won't tell them what it is.
But she’s not even in that situation because she’s married. Whatever her husband saw in her, I’m sure he’s not the only man on earth who sees it.
All my life people would say “you’re so pretty why don’t you have a boyfriend?” Or people would call me “beautiful” instead of by name or tell others how gorgeous I was and I’d overhear it or they would tell me....yet men have barely been interested in me. I’m married now and he isn’t even into me. It’s almost like he stayed with me by default because he “isn’t a catch like he used to be”. Every time I was interested in a guy they would like my friend. I went to a speed dating thing once and got zero matches. My friend who isn’t attractive got 10. Yes I know it’s about personality and confidence also but I am outgoing and have a good sense of humor and common sense. But in speed dating it’s so quick they have to partially judge you on looks. I’ve struggled with weight but nothing too drastic. 25 to 40 lbs but even when I was at my thinnest I had no luck. I met someone from Match.com who I was talking to for a while and and soon as he saw me in person he made and excuse to leave. I thought maybe I wore to much eye makeup but that wasn’t the car either.
I know I’m married now but please don’t say I shouldn’t worry because my husband loves me because that doesn’t help me understand.
I don't know. But when you post that your husband isn't that into you, I have to wonder what sort of marriage you have. I respectfully suggest that the mental energy you are expending wondering why you were never popular with men could be better served by working on your relationship. Since I don't know what the matter is, I don't know what to recommend. There are ways to keep your husband interested in you. Surely you know some of them.
This is not a one way street, of course. But, you have a marriage and I am going to assume you love the guy. So, work on that relationship. Relationships require work from both parties. In a marriage, there are times when one partner has to work a bit harder. But from your post, it sounds to me as if you are not invested in this relationship, and your husband is not either. So, work on that. I think you will be happier if you do.
All of the other relationships that did not pan out are past, they have no value, they cannot give you anything of value. Your present marriage is what you have now. Value that and work with your DH to make it better. That's my advice.
Obsessing about your own attractiveness is definitely a turn off. Sometimes people put out a vibe of neediness, or clinginess that is so obvious. Or if they talk only about themselves and show no interest in what the other person is saying. Sometimes it's just that they view you as "a type", like a bimbo, or a man eater, or a psycho that will stalk them if they break up.
As others have said, this is a problem now only in your mind. You have a husband, so why do you care what other men think? Are you thinking of leaving him? I think you should see a therapist to find out why you are so focused on your appearance.
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