How to Deal With Volatile (Emotionally Explosive) People (therapy, borderline, toxic)
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I used to have a hockey temper. Perhaps the best way to deal is to listen to them vent even though it may seem like they're taking it out on you. Eventually they'll calm down. If that doesn't work, physical force may be necessary. Just make sure you can actually kick their ass before attempting such a thing.
Some people don't vent to expel, they get more and more riled up. But I am not sure what OP means by 'Volatile'. To me that sounds like quick to anger, never know when one might hit a land mine and experience a tantrum or screaming or meanness...........
Do you know any, and if so, how do you deal with them?
I'd say the longer you associate with people like that... You somehow accept it and ignore it. BUT the Toxic affects will indeed cause you more HARM than good. There's no issue when people disagree.. BUT depending on ( as you described explosive) what attitude comes out will only lead to absorption/acceptance IF you tolerate it.
Folks like that are truly the types who can cause a lot of HARM to oneself.. I guess , since you didn't give examples, I have to Assume there's enough experiences to compel you to even ASK your question!!
The person is calm and rational one day and angry and hostile and emotionally explosive the next.
He also displays "fight or flight" behavior (flight) and wants to run whenever he becomes upset, which upsets me.
It is someone I care a lot about.
It's probably borderline personality disorder. No cure or medicine.
It is the worst mental illness bc there is no cure, the person is like a tornado but then they quickly forget about it. They are the type to break things throughout the house and ask you to go out to eat an hour later.
Triggers are often based in perceived rejection. They think in black and white. They either love or hate you. They can't regulate their emotions. They are not the type to say "we will see" or "maybe" to, you have to say yes or no.
Do you think they are really running? Bpd have a need for attention and acting like you're running might be a good way to get it.
The best way for them to get help is for a therapist to help them figure out how their perception doesn't match reality. For example, I visit you for an hour and have to go. You want me to stay, I can't. The borderline mind will process this as I rejected you and become very upset and hateful. The therapy helps them realize that I came for the hour, therefore they weren't rejected.
There's a lot more but you can research it.
As for how to deal with it, it depends on what you can/will handle.
Honestly, I don’t know why you would want to try to deal with it. I know that if I ever get another chance in life? I will never, ever, ever, EVER ... give someone a second chance, after one outburst, again.
Never.
At this point, it’s repulsive to me. Nauseating. In the first place, while they can be managed; you will never have another “true” interaction with this person again. It becomes a game. A never-ending intentional manipulation on your part, in response to their unintentional attempts at manipulating you.
This type of person, I’ve come to believe, becomes addicted to being angry. It’s a rush. You could mitigate all potential triggers & they will actually look for something to get upset about. It’s like they get insecure if they are not being obviously victimized. Even if you start out just witnessing the perceived transgressions, any type of empathy or sympathy will become positive reinforcement to the behavior. If you are reactive, you might become the “transgressor”.
The first thing you have to do is to stay calm. Almost ridiculously calm.
The more you disappoint them by not reacting, the less energy they are willing to expend to bait you. You become a “bunk fix”.
The next thing is to act oblivious. Even if the anger & inevitable suspicion & accusations are directed right at you, you have to pretend to not notice. Practice random cheerful comments that make no sense: “ Hey, did you hear that wind last night?”.
Or baiting them with a subject that subtly aligns the two of you together in an “us against them” scenario: “Did you notice how bad people are driving today?”
Be self-depreciating. Blink your eyes a lot. The sad thing is that if you try to be understanding, they will treat you like a tool. If you stand up for yourself, they will treat you like a scapegoat. I just am out of energy for all that anymore.
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