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The "you don't flip a light switch on your identity based on what you are doing in the present moment" statement is the same one you have left unanswered REPEATEDLY as people have asked you and asked you such things.
You identify as straight, but you're a virgin. Maybe you're not straight at all! How can you possibly declare a sexual orientation when you aren't having sex with anyone??
Going through a dry spell? Same, same. Hey. Maybe you are asexual.
Like to take matters into your own hands, during such times? Maybe you are sexually attracted only to YOURSELF!
This goes straight to the argument of whether orientation is an IDENTITY or a CHOICE. As in, is this who you are, or just a lifestyle you've chosen to live? Honestly, I find either argument problematic. If you say someone is born this way (gay or what have you) then you get some who want to find a biological "cure." If you say it is a matter of choice, then they expect you to "pray the gay away." Either presupposes something is even wrong with being different from most, and given the source, they are probably mad about any way in which you are different, but ESPECIALLY this one. Hell, maybe they're ok with it so long as you keep it a dirty shameful secret, as they're right scandalized about sex anyways. It's narrow minded BS. So if someone tells me "I was born gay" I say, "Cool." If someone says, "I am going through a thing in life...normally I've been with men, but now I'm in love with a woman. It's mostly exploration but you never know." I'm not going to demand that they state their orientation and then debate it with them. They can figure it out, I'm pretty sure.
You are arguing that it is a choice. And that in the behavior one chooses, define what one is. You are wrong. People have the right to figure out their identities for themselves based on whatever criteria is meaningful to them, without some pompous person 'splaining to them.
And when I talk about legislating identities, I'm saying "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??" I say something about MYSELF and you argue that I'm wrong because it doesn't fit your little reality bubble world view, but it does fit mine, well guess freakin what, you don't live in my bubble. I do. Which means that your definitions are noise in the wind when it comes to defining WHO I AM. Only I get to do that.
As does DeCastro. As do you.
If you and I are arguing about something, what makes you think you're so precious you get to be right when it's not even your business? Presumptuous, the ego of it, "everyone is what I say!" who made you king of BS mountain, Sheriff of the Sexual Identity Police?
I said it nice. You didn't get it. Hope it's more clear now. Debating with someone their sexual identity based on rules you made up is, at best, ignorant and rude. You have not that power or right over them.
OP, I don't care what people do with their sexuality as long as it doesn't affect me, but I will tell you that I would be VERY upset and angry if I had sexual relations with someone I believed to be straight and who had always been their apparent gender, and later found out that s/he was bi or trans. To me that is being dishonest, and I have a BIG problem with dishonesty. (In fact, I have a much bigger "problem" with dishonest people than I do people who aren't 100% straight!)
However, I also believe that if someone cannot accept someone for who they are, then the two people involved don't belong together anyway.
OP, I feel foreign towards people of different than I orientation, sex-life wise, as I just don't understand it. Social life, I don't care, until someone starts shoveling their orientation into my face and discussing it with people they barely know.
I think yes, as WMak70 says, you shouldn't hide it, but what do you think for yourself, if you find a soulmate and it is homosexual man, can you skip having sex with women? Or, vise versa, if you find The Woman, can you forget men? You know, I think you need to consider that love kinda, by default, includes a lot of voluntary sacrifices. Are you ready, to live your life with love, in its full meaning?
OP, I feel foreign towards people of different than I orientation, sex-life wise, as I just don't understand it. Social life, I don't care, until someone starts shoveling their orientation into my face and discussing it with people they barely know.
I think yes, as WMak70 says, you shouldn't hide it, but what do you think for yourself, if you find a soulmate and it is homosexual man, can you skip having sex with women? Or, vise versa, if you find The Woman, can you forget men? You know, I think you need to consider that love kinda, by default, includes a lot of voluntary sacrifices. Are you ready, to live your life with love, in its full meaning?
What do you mean you don’t understand someone of a different sexual orientation? What is there to understand ? Some people are just not born straight.
Yes, I think I could be faithful to whoever I end up with and not have to be with the other gender.
What do you mean you don’t understand someone of a different sexual orientation? What is there to understand ? Some people are just not born straight.
Yes, I think I could be faithful to whoever I end up with and not have to be with the other gender.
For what it's worth, have you considered polyamory? Not saying you have any obligation to do so as a bi person, but if you ever decide that would be of interest, there are a lot of good books on the subject, and I can also point you toward a good forum website about it, just PM me if you ever want that.
OP, I don't care what people do with their sexuality as long as it doesn't affect me, but I will tell you that I would be VERY upset and angry if I had sexual relations with someone I believed to be straight and who had always been their apparent gender, and later found out that s/he was bi or trans. To me that is being dishonest, and I have a BIG problem with dishonesty. (In fact, I have a much bigger "problem" with dishonest people than I do people who aren't 100% straight!)
However, I also believe that if someone cannot accept someone for who they are, then the two people involved don't belong together anyway.
If they weren't sleeping around on you, what does it honestly matter?
This being bi stuff really really sucks. When you say you are bisexual, most people don't even believe you because they think that males can't be bi. Bi people aren't accepted the same way that gays are. I know I can just "pretend" to be straight but why should I? Why isn't there a strong community of bisexuals the way there is for gays? I have never been with a partner that fully accepted me. I just worry I may miss out on true love. People say I should just not tell the partners I am with that I am bi, but why should I have to be with someone who doesn't fully accept me? I already get crap because I am not attracted to my own race so the last thing I need is crap for being bi. I wish I knew what straight people feel like....what it feels like to bring someone you love home to your family and they actually accept them...what it is like to be accepted by most of society. I don't know what I am trying to say really....just needed to vent.
Anyone who just wants to vent is acknowledging they have zero intention of even wanting to change.
Unto thine own self be true.
Problem is. It's impossible if you cannot identify when you are lying to you.
For what it's worth, have you considered polyamory? Not saying you have any obligation to do so as a bi person, but if you ever decide that would be of interest, there are a lot of good books on the subject, and I can also point you toward a good forum website about it, just PM me if you ever want that.
What do you mean you don’t understand someone of a different sexual orientation? What is there to understand ? Some people are just not born straight.
Yes, I think I could be faithful to whoever I end up with and not have to be with the other gender.
I don't understand because I don't understand (was born this way), and, frankly, I don't want to - not interested neither in straight, nor in other types of sexual lives of people, especially if someone forces me to know it. Can you say you understand straights, lesbians, asexuals, androgines, trasngenders?
I don't mind discussing theory, but unfortunately I have wild imagination, so matching theory with face can make me sick.
If you can, you might start with carefully touching the ground in light conversations, to see what the person who interests you think about bi-people. Tread carefully, both regarding your and his/her emotional involvement. Sometimes people can expand their horizons, sometimes not. You seem to need those who can.
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