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There is nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted for who you are.
The feeling I got was one of broadcasting the information to the world in general around you...which I cannot imagine you do. But it's there in the "people suck and cannot accept me" sentiments.
If you are going to BE with someone, well heck yes they should know you for who you are. Lies and secrets don't form the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Anyhow. Get outta the South, man. Go West. It's nice out here. Yeah, it's a bit on the pricey side compared to other places, but I think it's worth it.
Nah I don’t broadcast it. But yeah I gotta get out of the south. I don’t really know anyone in the western cities I would consider but I think it would be worth it to get out of here.
This response is ridiculous. What’s wrong with me wanting to be accepted for who I am? I feel like if I am going to be with someone shouldn’t they know the real me? You make no sense at all and your post comes off as an attack.
No, THIS response is ridiculous.
There was no attack in her post, just real earnest advice. You are so defensive that you're swatting away ANYTHING that doesn't feel like puppy kisses.
You can't just barf out "who you are" to people the minute you meet them. Like it or not, quality relationships take time and effort to develop. And if there's something out of the mainstream about "who you are," well, buddy, the bad news is that it takes some people MORE time and effort to process and accept that.
You're getting impatient and frustrated and pissy. "The South" is not your problem. Even moving to a bigger city in the south would probably help your "acceptance rate."
But what really would help you is therapy. You've got issues that would make it hard for you to be successful in even a "typical" relationship.
There was no attack in her post, just real earnest advice. You are so defensive that you're swatting away ANYTHING that doesn't feel like puppy kisses.
You can't just barf out "who you are" to people the minute you meet them. Like it or not, quality relationships take time and effort to develop. And if there's something out of the mainstream about "who you are," well, buddy, the bad news is that it takes some people MORE time and effort to process and accept that.
You're getting impatient and frustrated and pissy. "The South" is not your problem. Even moving to a bigger city in the south would probably help your "acceptance rate."
But what really would help you is therapy. You've got issues that would make it hard for you to be successful in even a "typical" relationship.
First of all, where did I say that I "barf out" who I am to people the minute I meet them? I never even said anything that hinted at that. Also, most people would be mad at me for not being upfront with them anyway, but its not like I just tell people, "hi im decastro. I'm bi". I am discrete in who i tell. Very Very few people in my life, currently, know that I am bi.Also, I have been to therapists but have had some REALLY bad experiences with them and most of them have tried to get me to change my sexuality, as if it were a choice.
I live close to Atlanta, so i got the big city thing covered
I would just concentrate on finding the person who is right for me and making a life with them. Gay, straight, Bi, what difference does it make if it's your intention to be in a monogamous relationship?
My sister has been with one female partner for over 30 years now. If you ask her she will tell you she has no idea if she is gay or straight. All she knows is that she loves her partner and that's all she needs to know. She says it's all about the person, not gender or sexual identity.
In a way, you have the best of both worlds. Everyone is a potential partner. Why make this more complicated than it has to be?
If there is a generalization, it's that you won't typically see males EVER give up the M part of the Bi. I've never known an Bi man who was in a serious long term monogamous relationship and usually in an open one. Some people say a Bi male will outgrow the F part and eventually identify as gay. *shrug
........
Now this brings to mind about the common circumstance of transgender women who identify as Lesbians. But that's another different but interesting discussion. ...
It sure is, and for the record:
A Male-to-trans can "identify" as a lesbian till the cows come home, but he can never BE a lesbian,
as lesbians are women, i.e. females past puberty, who are sexually and romantically attracted to other women.
Trans 'women' are not females, so they cannot be lesbians.
But addressing the OP....
The Bi thing sure does sound problematic. Maybe it's because people hang out in sexual affinity groups as a core identity, giving some commonality to their experience. It enables one to think, rightly or wrongly, 'I know you, I understand you, because I am like you.'
Of course this is not necessary for all human groupings, like a bowling team, or a hiking club, or a spiritual retreat, but it does come into play strongly in the sexual partner hunt.
Last edited by PamelaIamela; 02-15-2018 at 10:29 AM..
With regard to how lesbians view bi women, there is the whole "gold star lesbian" thing, which I believe (correct me if I'm wrong) is a lesbian who has never been with a man or something like that? A thing I actually understand that some lesbians would shun or scorn some bisexual women over, is that I clearly recall in high school where suddenly "all" the girls were bi. And they were, because they were trying to be cool and attractive to the boys with that. It was kind of trendy to be a bi girl for a while there. No idea how it is among teenagers nowadays.
OP, I'm going to step away from the bisexuality thing for a moment, and ask a different question...the heading on your posts tells me you live in Georgia. Do you live in Georgia? If so, you are not exactly in the best location to be a bisexual man trying to find partners who can accept you for who you are. You need to move west. Out of places I have personal experience, I recommend any city on the west coast, or a city in Colorado. I know plenty of people in Colorado Springs who would happily date a bi man of a different ethnicity. (We have a reputation for conservatism in this town, but it's kind of a joke, really.) If you're polyamorous, even better. Quite the community of poly people here. I just cannot imagine Georgia being a friendly place for you, with regard to this.
Oh, and runswithscissors? You and others (from other subforums, today even) need to quit trying to legislate other people's identities. It's not your place to do that for them. It's rude. It serves no purpose but to be argumentative. I certainly don't give a rat's backside what you think I get to call myself. I've been in relationships with 6 women, and a number of men, and I'm presently monogamous with a man at this time. I might date another woman in the future if I feel like it. You don't flip a light switch on your identity based on what you are doing in the present moment. That's not how this works. That's now how any of this works.
LOL what?
Legislate?
I stated the OP has three choices. It's simple math.
If you're lucky, settle down happily and feel fulfilled with ONE PERSON. (You are no longer functionally bisexual unless you want to include fantasy which is not accurate),
or operate in an open relationship,
or end up "dating" for the rest of your life.
All subsequent posts prove my point.
Yours included. That would be maybe option 1, 2, or 3 or all of the above. You're leaving the door open.
If people want to call themselves BI in their heads, or announce it to the world every time they feel like it: go ahead.
Not sure exactly how that works after 20 years of "a committed monogamous relationship" goes.
"Nice to meet you, I'm runswithscissors and this guy here is my 20 year partner and we are monogamous but I'm actually Bi., in case you're interested. "
ETA:
I have no idea what this sentence even means, sorry. Other than option 2 and 3. A.K.A leaving the door open.
Quote:
You don't flip a light switch on your identity based on what you are doing in the present moment.
"Nice to meet you, I'm runswithscissors and this guy here is my 20 year partner and we are monogamous but I'm actually Bi., in case you're interested. "
IDK... guys seem to dig it when I tell them I am bi.... I just leave out the "polar" part.
Hahaha, I tell my daughter she is "triple bi"...-polar, -sexual, and -lingual.
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