I wish I could have normal desires (attractive, argumentative, girls)
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Actually, a bisexual male might date gay men and straight women as well of bisexuals of any gender.
That sounds like a larger dating pool than most people get.
Actually the dating pool is not as big as you think. Most gay men and especially straight women do not want to be with a bisexual guy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by runswithscissors
LOL I knew it. Custom (superficial) definitions.
Temporary monogamy?
We're not discussing DATING. Or fantasy.
Who cares if someone is ATTRACTED to both bodied genders?
So funny. This is why gay people laugh that Bisexual people are drama queens.
Search for their LGBT cred.
Like this girl.
Who actually agrees with ME.
She got lucky and was able to find happiness with my option 1. (above)
You sound like someone who is biphobic. I have never heard a gay person call a bisexual person a drama queen. That sounds like some crap you just made up. You don't have a true understanding of bisexuality. Sounds like you must really hate bi people.
FWIW, I find the title of your thread very telling and sad. You know what you are (ugh, labels...hate them) but are still asking why you can't have something else you categorize as "normal". Maybe that's where the issue really is. Its something you have to fix for yourself. I can't appreciate the reality of the situation you find yourself in. Please don't assume I'm judging you...not qualified or inclined to do that.
The common "wisdom" is that human sexuality is on a continuum from 100% gay to 100% straight. I am 100% straight - which means I can PERFECTLY relate to gay people. I have true understanding that you are attracted to one gender, which one doesn't matter to me with regards to other people (of course it matters to ME with regard to myself, LOL!) I am only attracted to men, and I can fully well understand why a gay man or woman is only attracted to the one gender. I know *I* don't want to have sexual relations with one of the two genders, and can fully well understand why someone else would be equally as put-off by the thought of having sex with the non-attractive-to-you gender.
However because I am 100% straight, I do NOT understand how someone is attracted to either-or. But I DO NOT HAVE to understand, only accept. So you're all good as far as I'm concerned.
However, shockingly, I discovered that acceptance of "bi" people seems to be LOWER among gays than it is among "straights". I have no idea why. I had a guy TELL me he was bi, currently living with a man, and later a mutual gay friend all but blew up at me when I mentioned this guy was bi. He insisted I was being bigoted calling him "bi" (which is what he called HIMSELF, not my idea) and that the guy was actually gay and not bi at all. His 3 marriages to women over the years and production of progeny notwithstanding. He was VERY angry over the issue and I did not argue with him or tell him that the guy had told me HIMSELF he was bi, since this guy seemed very bigoted against the idea of "bi" people. Didn't want to get my friend in trouble with this other friend.
Since then I have repeatedly been told by gay men (not sure what the stance is among gay women) that there is no such thing as "bi", those are just gay men who have been forced by society into THINKING they are bi. Nobody holding this view ever talks about bi WOMEN, but they insist bi men are all actually gay and are just "confused".
Really, people. Bigotry is bigotry. I don't care who you sleep with (as long as you're not cheating on anybody and as long as everyone is of legal age, competent, and willing). I do not understand why other people care either.
I really don't know too much about this, but I'll take a crack at it. I suspect that being bisexual is just as normal as being gay, straight or trans. It's just another place on the human sexuality spectrum, and as long as you have integrity as a person, why should it make any difference.
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You write that as if sexualitywas a linear function. It is apparently a three dimensional space. Some people are "Lost In Space" "Danger! Danger! Will Robinson"
With regard to how lesbians view bi women, there is the whole "gold star lesbian" thing, which I believe (correct me if I'm wrong) is a lesbian who has never been with a man or something like that? A thing I actually understand that some lesbians would shun or scorn some bisexual women over, is that I clearly recall in high school where suddenly "all" the girls were bi. And they were, because they were trying to be cool and attractive to the boys with that. It was kind of trendy to be a bi girl for a while there. No idea how it is among teenagers nowadays.
OP, I'm going to step away from the bisexuality thing for a moment, and ask a different question...the heading on your posts tells me you live in Georgia. Do you live in Georgia? If so, you are not exactly in the best location to be a bisexual man trying to find partners who can accept you for who you are. You need to move west. Out of places I have personal experience, I recommend any city on the west coast, or a city in Colorado. I know plenty of people in Colorado Springs who would happily date a bi man of a different ethnicity. (We have a reputation for conservatism in this town, but it's kind of a joke, really.) If you're polyamorous, even better. Quite the community of poly people here. I just cannot imagine Georgia being a friendly place for you, with regard to this.
Oh, and runswithscissors? You and others (from other subforums, today even) need to quit trying to legislate other people's identities. It's not your place to do that for them. It's rude. It serves no purpose but to be argumentative. I certainly don't give a rat's backside what you think I get to call myself. I've been in relationships with 6 women, and a number of men, and I'm presently monogamous with a man at this time. I might date another woman in the future if I feel like it. You don't flip a light switch on your identity based on what you are doing in the present moment. That's not how this works. That's now how any of this works.
FWIW, I find the title of your thread very telling and sad. You know what you are (ugh, labels...hate them) but are still asking why you can't have something else you categorize as "normal". Maybe that's where the issue really is. Its something you have to fix for yourself. I can't appreciate the reality of the situation you find yourself in. Please don't assume I'm judging you...not qualified or inclined to do that.
Good post. It saddened me to read the wording in the title and then the content of the OP. I'm sorry you feel that way, DeCastro. It must be painful.
Is there any chance that you're letting your anxiety about dating get out in front of your efforts and trip you up? As a total amateur, I think maybe you are. You might benefit from talking to a counselor.
With regard to how lesbians view bi women, there is the whole "gold star lesbian" thing, which I believe (correct me if I'm wrong) is a lesbian who has never been with a man or something like that? A thing I actually understand that some lesbians would shun or scorn some bisexual women over, is that I clearly recall in high school where suddenly "all" the girls were bi. And they were, because they were trying to be cool and attractive to the boys with that. It was kind of trendy to be a bi girl for a while there. No idea how it is among teenagers nowadays.
OP, I'm going to step away from the bisexuality thing for a moment, and ask a different question...the heading on your posts tells me you live in Georgia. Do you live in Georgia? If so, you are not exactly in the best location to be a bisexual man trying to find partners who can accept you for who you are. You need to move west. Out of places I have personal experience, I recommend any city on the west coast, or a city in Colorado. I know plenty of people in Colorado Springs who would happily date a bi man of a different ethnicity. (We have a reputation for conservatism in this town, but it's kind of a joke, really.) If you're polyamorous, even better. Quite the community of poly people here. I just cannot imagine Georgia being a friendly place for you, with regard to this.
Yeah I’m in GA. I would love to move to Colorado or Portland but it is expensive. I need to make a plan to save up some money. I’m kind of tired of the south
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
Good post. It saddened me to read the wording in the title and then the content of the OP. I'm sorry you feel that way, DeCastro. It must be painful.
Is there any chance that you're letting your anxiety about dating get out in front of your efforts and trip you up? As a total amateur, I think maybe you are. You might benefit from talking to a counselor.
Yeah my anxiety may be tripping me up. I used to go to a counselor but she wasn’t a good one so i stopped going . It’s hard to find counselors that understand bi men.
The thing with me though is I'm bisexual but I lean more towards men like the ratio would be 70/30 for men and women respectively. Being that I'm also a devoted person by nature I'm a bisexual that would only be with one partner at a time if romance was to happen in my life. Being that my attraction to women is so small anyways I feel it would be unfair to a woman if I flirted with her when I know very well that she would be my second choice if a attractive man was there instead. I feel that everyone should have their lover full devotion and love and that it should not be shared with anyone... lest the partners agree that each other are the rare polygamous types.
Good luck, just be you(you can't choose you sexuality anyways) and I hope you find the right person soon who may come from the same boat as you.
This being bi stuff really really sucks. When you say you are bisexual, most people don't even believe you because they think that males can't be bi. Bi people aren't accepted the same way that gays are. I know I can just "pretend" to be straight but why should I? Why isn't there a strong community of bisexuals the way there is for gays? I have never been with a partner that fully accepted me. I just worry I may miss out on true love. People say I should just not tell the partners I am with that I am bi, but why should I have to be with someone who doesn't fully accept me? I already get crap because I am not attracted to my own race so the last thing I need is crap for being bi. I wish I knew what straight people feel like....what it feels like to bring someone you love home to your family and they actually accept them...what it is like to be accepted by most of society. I don't know what I am trying to say really....just needed to vent.
Wow, but for the grace of God, I must be more thankful having read this and not realizing being normal sexually is taken for granted much in the same way being physically fit vs. someone born with a malady.
For most hetero men, there is no such thing as bi, because if you go that way, you are a homo. Now I know it is said by some that women can be bi, but not homo, so I really don't get the distinction. Being hetero is natural to us and we never have to worry about which team we play for (so to speak).
Thus it is not surprising I never think of the plight people like you must go through.
However, rest assured that the few homos I've spoken with do not feel accepted as you put it. They still face the challenges of "coming out" to their parents/family, and some never do for fear of the rejection.
So when you see commercials or Hollywood shows/movies depicting families embracing their homo kids/adult children, it is not the norm for them either.
A friends sister who was hetero most of her life "but fell for the one man she could never have" started to be attracted to women. However she never came out until her Mom had passed and her Dad now has Alzheimers.
She surprised me by becoming homo because she was interested in me until she latched on to the married guy who was apparently worth waiting decades for. Once that dream was never going to happen, she found herself older and not very attractive. While I'm sure this is a generalization, my buddy said his sister found women less judgmental about looks than men, thus it was easier to find a bi/homo woman as a sexual partner than it was a man.
I am not sure any of this was helpful to you, but at least know that homos do not have it made in the shade like you assume. Despite recent court rulings on marriage and the like, they still face social stigma from much of society. So while being bi might be worse in that regard, it is not like being hetero.
This being bi stuff really really sucks. When you say you are bisexual, most people don't even believe you because they think that males can't be bi. Bi people aren't accepted the same way that gays are. I know I can just "pretend" to be straight but why should I? Why isn't there a strong community of bisexuals the way there is for gays? I have never been with a partner that fully accepted me. I just worry I may miss out on true love. People say I should just not tell the partners I am with that I am bi, but why should I have to be with someone who doesn't fully accept me? I already get crap because I am not attracted to my own race so the last thing I need is crap for being bi. I wish I knew what straight people feel like....what it feels like to bring someone you love home to your family and they actually accept them...what it is like to be accepted by most of society. I don't know what I am trying to say really....just needed to vent.
Could it be where you are located? I see somewhere in Georgia. I think it might be easier in NYC or another larger city where there might be groups and activities for LGBTQ people.
ETA: I see Sonic_Spork beat me to this.
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