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I've lived alone and enjoyed it, but, there was always something missing. I always had pets which helped with the loneliness. I love it when John goes to visit his mother and I have the whole house to myself for a few days. I would not love it if it was forever. The physical side of our relationship is still very important to me, and I sure don't want to be hitting the bars to scratch that itch. We also have a lot of fun together, and that companionship is important. I'm a very social person and I really enjoy having someone to talk to 24/7 on Facebook. Those connections are essential to my well being and living alone is just not in my DNA. Does that mean I would go out and replace John if something happened to him? No, I couldn't, but, I might have a FWB relationship some time later. I might even take in a platonic room mate.
I like being alone, as in single. But I'm not really alone. I have a lot of very dear friends and cousins who are very important to me, and my dogs and cat are pretty awesome too. I enjoy a lot of solitary pursuits - writing, reading, cooking, hiking. I would imagine if you don't have ways to fill your time, being alone is hell.
I'm exploring the possibility of trying to have a relationship now, but my motivation is low.
I wonder if living single is simply easier for people who make friends easily? I find it very hard to make new friends. I guess I’m different from most people. I can socialize and engage people on a superficial level without any effort but I go decades without meeting anyone I feel a true friendship connection to. My spouse and I are best friends. We socialize with other couples but, if I never saw any of them again it would not phase me. So, without a close network of friends, I probably would not be happy living single.
People are animals. Most animals don't live a life without a mate, even though it might be just temporarily to mate.
I know some people enjoy being alone and I don't mind a night or two by myself. I'm just happy when the Mr comes back home after being away.
Being alone gives you freedom to do whatever you want, but I like having someone to decide on things together.
I know I wouldn't want to be alone, but I'm in my 60's and if anything ever happened to my spouse, at my age, I doubt I'd find or even look for, another man who I would want to live with.
I have friends who have been alone most of their lives and are happy enough. I know they dated people through the years and never found the right "one", but never imagined that they would be single their whole lives.
I think most people haven't figured out that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely--which is what MOST of the people who say they are afraid of being alone on here, seem to really be afraid of.
I agree with the self worth and knowing yourself--if you truly know WHO you are, as a person, you won't be afraid to be alone. I relish my quiet time and dinners out alone, sitting on the beach, etc. I ENJOY my time with my fiance, friends, and family....but I also know that if they aren't around or free, I'm not going to be so sad and running to them. I'll find something to do, by myself. I have had periods in my life where I just focused on ME and took a break from the world for a few months, because I knew I needed to work on myself (my now fiance and I also took breaks from each other--NOT to date others, but to focus on self--at points, too. It definitely helped us as individuals and as a couple.) Those that know me understood and I always come back a better person from it.
From what others have told me though, I am not the norm. Knowing yourself, and being able to look in a mirror and see all the good AND bad and accept it, is the hardest thing a human can do.
That's why it's good when one is alone to scale down and live in an apt bldg or condo or duplex/triplex...and have neighbors close by. In Calif for the 50some yrs I've been here I've lived with neighbors close by...I don't feel alone. Living alone in a large house, would bother me...I'd be checking windows, doors, etc. .. It's all what we've built in our lives.
Good idea. That's why I have been researching senior communities in my area that have social events, clubs and other activities. Though I am naturally introverted and shy and not a joiner, if I were alone in life I think this type of environment would be a good way to feel safe and secure and also make it easier to connect with people and make new friends. The only problem is that these types of places tend to be pricey, with high buy-ins and monthly fees.
Living alone isn't necessarily the problem social isolation is. Social isolation is scary, debilitating and has been proven to shorten life expectancy. You can live alone alone but have a good circle of friends and family around you and be perfectly content with that. But such people are not socially isolated.
Good idea. That's why I have been researching senior communities in my area that have social events, clubs and other activities. Though I am naturally introverted and shy and not a joiner, if I were alone in life I think this type of environment would be a good way to feel safe and secure and also make it easier to connect with people and make new friends. The only problem is that these types of places tend to be pricey, with high buy-ins and monthly fees.
Got your note, a friend who lived in her Santa Monica house for 50 yrs and lost her husband very early in their marriage and she never remarried....her house is now worth in today's market welll over $1M and back then she and her husband paid about $34K for it...so figure 50 yrs. It's a nice little house but nothing great but nice....she is renting it out for about $6K/mo I hear and had no problems finding a renter....the technology world has given us a lot of very wealthy young people.....her daughter and grandkids are her heirs.
She got a nice smaller apt in a Pacific Gardens place here in SM and gets her 3 squares and has a lot of people around her....and activities and shes really happy and she's in mid 80's...she talked about doing this for some time and finally made the big MOVE. Those places have fees all over the place, so really do a lot of research....and again maybe rent your house when the time comes.
Another friend lives in Sun City in Palm Desert and she loves that type of life....lots of good friends and activities but she does all her own cooking etc....she owns a little house and they are all detached..the hot summers really get her but she stays anyway. No traffic and just an easier way of life.
I don't have property to get rid of so I am content in my rent control apt...and I do have some nice neighbors who help me out and come into chat etc.... Take care.....and know there is a WAY.
I've been alone for the past 23 years, but not at all lonely, and loving it...I believe the older one grows, the more peace and quiet becomes paramount.
Raised a son, and have done quit a lot with my life, lots of experiences, both good and bad....and have learned from the bad.
The more your alone, the more you love it, and since I still work full time, have to keep a lot of my friends at bay....
I no longer care about gaining approval or attention from anyone....nor what people think of me or say. Not everyone can like the same things....I was married at 17, and from then on it was a down hill slide...however, it took me longer than most to learn from my mistakes...but it was indeed, all worth the ride...
came into this world alone and plan to go out alone....
There is only one person in my entire life, that I regret losing...we dated a very short time....he was a very nice person, from a huge family...but, his mother didn't care for me, so without telling him why, decided that we needed to part, certainly didn't want to deal with that...nor put him thru that...so...am I glad that I did? I don't know...always think of him fondly and wonder how he's doing...but when I really think hard on it, I believe it was a good choice, for both of us.
I can't be smothered, by both man and woman, so I chose my friends wisely....nor do I care for drama...
you don't have to be a couple to be successful....
I've lived alone for over 20 years now & can't imagine losing my freedom. I do what I want, when I want & love it.
My aloneness came about as an experiment after, once again, choosing the wrong partner. I never did find anyone who wasn't clingy & didn't have jealous tendencies. Not sure why but decided after the last disaster (my son was diagnosed as bipolar & the guy had a real problem with understanding why I had to devote more time to my son, who was grown).
After a major argument, I broke it off & decided to just stay single & celibate for at least a year. I enjoyed the freedom so much I never looked for another relationship. I'm still not ready to give it up.
I have been there done that it’s like stepping on a land mine that may or may not detonate
If it doesn’t —— your confidence is still shattered how could I have been that wrong
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