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I have a friend from university, a really good musician, who very obviously, from the time I met them, has an attachment disorder. They were adopted, and it's just so obvious that they can't really bond with anyone, however much they would like to. It's not their fault and I have always forgiven them. I've know them for 30 years, know how they are (not a reliable friend), and I forgive them.
They asked me recently if I'd like to come and visit them in Europe. No way! They'd either not be there when I arrived, or give me the run of their house but not be there. This has happened before and I enjoyed the horses, and the food provided, but they weren't there.
Somehow I'm never angry with them. I'd prefer to be actually friends with them, but they're incapable of that. So I just stay their friend which they appreciate, but I don't expect them to behave as a normal friend would.
Seems to me that you understand the situation very well and have a mature view of it.
As long as you don't have expectations of more than they are willing to commit to and you still find value in the relationship, then it's fine. Btw, you didn't mention what you do VALUE about them that makes the limited relationship worthwhile to you.
Seems to me that you understand the situation very well and have a mature view of it.
As long as you don't have expectations of more than they are willing to commit to and you still find value in the relationship, then it's fine. Btw, you didn't mention what you do VALUE about them that makes the limited relationship worthwhile to you.
Well, we attended the same music schools in NY and Houston, spent time socializing in Houston. She thinks I'm a genius (I'm not), and she brags about me to her friends. We've had some serious talks, gotten loaded together, dated some of the same guys, and she really is a brilliant musician, world class.
Her adopted dad is a judge; mine was a car dealer. So we have that class in common. I like her. She's my friend.
In my book this says it all. My friends are all flawed (as am I), and I know which ones can help me, which ones I can help, and which one will help bury a dead body...
I say Forgive her, then forgive yourself for thinking she needs to be forgiven.
I like different friends for different reasons and don't really expect any of them to behave the same way. If they are people worth caring about and maintaining relationships with, that's enough. I prefer not to pigeonhole them too closely in my own mind...just understand how we "fit" and enjoy it for what it is. Seems to work best to adjust my expectations of them rather than the other way around.
In my book this says it all. My friends are all flawed (as am I), and I know which ones can help me, which ones I can help, and which one will help bury a dead body...
I say Forgive her, then forgive yourself for thinking she needs to be forgiven.
Sounds like you have accepted them for who they are so I’m not sure what or why you want our thoughts or opinions on your choice of friends.
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Great advice
