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I also had a lot if resentment toward my mother after she died. I won’t go into it, but I had therapy with a clinical social worker for about a year afterward. It really helped me and I think you might benefit from that also. Good luck with everything.
Most of my feelings of resentment come from insecurity, where a conversation (minor) or even a relationship (major) has turned into a competition. So what have I done about it?
One, I have decided that a competition is not what I want with other people. I use specific thoughts, which are never repeated aloud. They are speculations about the other person and I keep producing them until something positive comes up. For example, "How rude!"; "He hates me."; "He is misunderstanding me."; "He is having a bad day."; "He has a lot on his plate."; "He can't help me right now." My thoughts have moved from negative, this is happening to me, to more proactive, what is going on with him. I only respond when I have those proactive thoughts. Sometimes, you really don't have to respond, just keep that thought.
Now, if I can't produce a positive thought, because sometimes the other person has brought out the worst in me, I take a step back and try to think of a shared purpose. What brought us together in the first place? What do I want out of this? What do I want for the other person? What do I want for this relationship? Then I communicate those.
All of this is mostly proactive rather than reactive, so it is slower and deliberate. In the meantime, I dance, listen to music, read books, watch movies, post on C-D, cook.
Most of my feelings of resentment come from insecurity, where a conversation (minor) or even a relationship (major) has turned into a competition. So what have I done about it?
One, I have decided that a competition is not what I want with other people. I use specific thoughts, which are never repeated aloud. They are speculations about the other person and I keep producing them until something positive comes up. For example, "How rude!"; "He hates me."; "He is misunderstanding me."; "He is having a bad day."; "He has a lot on his plate."; "He can't help me right now." My thoughts have moved from negative, this is happening to me, to more proactive, what is going on with him. I only respond when I have those proactive thoughts. Sometimes, you really don't have to respond, just keep that thought.
Now, if I can't produce a positive thought, because sometimes the other person has brought out the worst in me, I take a step back and try to think of a shared purpose. What brought us together in the first place? What do I want out of this? What do I want for the other person? What do I want for this relationship? Then I communicate those.
All of this is mostly proactive rather than reactive, so it is slower and deliberate. In the meantime, I dance, listen to music, read books, watch movies, post on C-D, cook.
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