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You're doing the right thing by staying away from therapy. Anything is better is than therapy. You'll waste your money at best, and question your sanity at worst. Most therapists just regurgitate platitudes ("Just look for the silver lining."), ask you rhetorical questions ("How did that make you feel?"), and gaslight you ("No, you didn't really feel that."). At least life coaches give you concrete, workable advice.
If I recall correctly, you had therapy once at age 8 because your behaviour was concerning to adults who observed you. What is your expertise beyond that?
There are many kinds of therapy and coaching, OP. Get some recommendations in your community.
I'm curious how your therapist handles "undesirable" behavior on your part. For example:
* When you ask for advice, and she can't/won't give it, what's her reaction? Is she honest about it, like: "If I tell you, I could be held liable for it, and I can't risk my job for you"? Or at least: "Sorry, per my job, I'm not permitted to tell you"? Or is it more like: "Uh dunno, u tell me"?
* When she asks you "How did such-and-such make you feel?", and your give an answer that doesn't match her textbook/training, does she believe whatever you say, or dismiss it and insist you actually felt something else?
I realize how I'm coming off here, but these are the incidents that turned me off therapy for life. They felt very demeaning. It is what it is. However, I'm aware that they happened in mid 90's, when therapists were the mental equivalent of barber surgeons. If therapy practices are different today, or if not, I want to learn.
Either you aren't cut out for therapy or you have just had really bad luck with therapists.
I have benefitted from therapy, and I have not benefitted from therapy. But it is never like you.
I think you have a lot to reflect on...you hold things that happened as a teen as absolute truth. You don't like kids...and resent them and their parents. The list goes on. Its not typical...
Either you aren't cut out for therapy or you have just had really bad luck with therapists.
I have benefitted from therapy, and I have not benefitted from therapy. But it is never like you.
I think you might be right. I've always been a very rational, pragmatic type. And most therapies require some form of blind faith and/or suspension of disbelief. If your mind won't do those things naturally, and you can't force it to do them, therapy is highly unlikely to work.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 05-22-2018 at 06:08 PM..
I think you might be right. I've always been a very rational, pragmatic type. And most therapies require some form of blind faith and/or suspension of disbelief. If your mind won't do those things naturally, and you can't force it to do them, therapy is highly unlikely to work.
No, they don't, actually.
Most therapeutic approaches are build around gaining insight, identifying what you value, learning methods of how to modify behavior that hinders your functionality, etc. They are not, as a rule, centered around blind faith or suspension of disbelief.
Faulty cognition is often an antecedent for seeking therapy. The idea that, "I've decided that my mind doesn't 'naturally' do _____, so therefore, my behavior cannot change," is a pretty good illustration of faulty cognition. If you choose NOT to change behavior, that's one thing (and totally an individual's prerogative). But that doesn't mean "Therapy is bunk!" It simply means you choose not to change your behavior.
On the topic of "Do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life" cliche, of course it isn't a universal truth, no matter who is claiming it is, or their credentials.
Work you love still feels like work, often. Why? Because you're not doing it because you feel like it, you're doing it because you're obligated to do so. Even if it is something you like doing, deadlines, expectations, having it gone over with a fine tooth comb and held up to critique, having more of it piled on you than is reasonable to expect to be gotten through, etc.are all going to intersect to make it less fun than a hobby or a labor of love, when those pressures either don't exist or don't matter, because, hey, you don't HAVE to be doing this. You can easily put it aside and say, "Eh, not feeling it right now." When you're being paid to do something, that luxury is comparatively more absent, and that changes the entire dynamic.
It is possible to love your job. It is highly unlikely you will love every aspect and detail of your job, every minute and every day you are doing it, and anybody who has that as the threshold for assessing whether or not a job is a good fit and overall enjoyable has unrealistic expectations. Striking a balance where there is more about your work that you love and less that you truly dislike is key, and being able to pragmatically observe and be honest about when and if that scale tips unfavorably and knowing what you need to do about that is key to professional happiness.
I think you might be right. I've always been a very rational, pragmatic type. And most therapies require some form of blind faith and/or suspension of disbelief. If your mind won't do those things naturally, and you can't force it to do them, therapy is highly unlikely to work.
Well; I’m no good for therapy either.
Although I do recognize that I am the one that will subvert it every time. I’m disappointed that I have to be this way because people seem to get a lot out of it. Like you; I was put into therapy at a young age (not as young, though) & I wasn’t happy about it at all.
It took about 5 minutes for me to figure out what they wanted to hear & another 5 minutes for me to figure out how to use them to my advantage & after that; the lifelong course was set. I will simply undermine & therefore invalidate every therapeutic interaction I will ever have.
It’s sad & I wish I wasn’t like that. I realize now that it was done out of love for me but that doesn’t change the fact that I may as well be on stage from the moment I walk in the door.
Therapists can do no wrong, because if it doesn’t work, it is always the patient’s fault, even when it isn’t.
I have had some of the same experiences as MU and nothing is more frustrating when your therapist insists you are lying when you aren’t or feeling a certain way when you aren’t.
My experience, therapists are NEVER wrong, even when they are.
I'd like to find one -- a good one -- too. How does one?
You can ask around, get recommendations, search the web and read bios etc... but ultimately it comes down to trial and error.
Good luck and don’t be afraid to leave your therapist and find another if it isn’t working out. Most are terrible at their job or go about it in a way that isn’t for you, but if you can find one that is a true expert at their craft, it can help immensely, but that is rare.
IME, 5% or less are amazing, another 10% are good, 10% barely ok and the rest aren’t worth your time and money.
Your "therapist" examples look like a bunch of BS generalities lifted from a general article in Cosmo or Time.
...
LOL. That sounds like stuff you've seen on TV. It has nothing to do with real therapy.
I wish that were "stuff I saw on TV". I experienced all those things first-hand. It was very demeaning.
Quote:
Originally Posted by High Altitude
Therapists can do no wrong, because if it doesn’t work, it is always the patient’s fault, even when it isn’t.
I have had some of the same experiences as MU and nothing is more frustrating when your therapist insists you are lying when you aren’t or feeling a certain way when you aren’t.
My experience, therapists are NEVER wrong, even when they are.
And when you disagree with them or call them out on their manipulation, they tell you: "This is not my therapy, this is your therapy."
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere
I'd like to find one -- a good one -- too. How does one?
Same way I found a therapist as an adult: by googling "life coach [zip code]". Then look at the website domains in the results; make sure they come from reputable organizations. One big caveat: stay the hell away from college interns. They may be cute, but when it comes to dealing with therapy/coaching clients, they don't know their butt from their elbow. Take my word for it.
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