Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Going to the same shop and deal with the same clerk, interacting with a coworker, having breakfast in a bar with the same waiter everyday….that type of stuff kills me.
I need to feel that every second is new and different...every situation out from a movie, like if I had a script and knew that I am nailing this scene and there will be a different scene tomorrow and a new movie the next week.
I can´t stand small talk. Can´t stand sitting on a bench with a group of people and talk in a relaxed way about nothing in particular...I need everything to be special.
Deal great with short and quick interactions. I can be witty and sharp and sophisticated...but give me some forced regularity and I feel trapped and panic... feel my mask and my acing will be noticed, and people sooner or later will start talking on my back..."what's wrong with that guy?".
So...I have an extremely lonely life and avoid regular social interactions as much as I can. Thankfuly I live in a big city, its easy to be just a random stranger. Every now and again I obsess about somebody and force myself in the picture...which makes the situation collapse eventually and I flee once again.
I was told by a doctor I seemed to have a bit of autism, but was not diagnosed. Borderline personality is also an option.
Anyways...I was wondering is there's anyone out there in the same shoes with somethng useful to share...
It sounds like what you most prefer is keeping your interactions with others to be very surface-level and really don't prefer to develop relationships of depth.
If you do have traits consistent with the autism spectrum, that does explain a lot about extreme uncomfortability with expected social conventions.
The most important thing to ask yourself is if you are happy with your life as it is (or the way it is if you were able to access your most preferred level of interaction with others all the time, and were able to have nothing but novel interactions, with no other expectations being placed on you)...or if living that way is something that creates problems for you. You can always learn new behavior, should you choose to do so.
If you do have traits consistent with the autism spectrum, that does explain a lot about extreme uncomfortability with expected social conventions.
His aversion to doing the same things and seeing the same people doesn't sound like autism. People with autism often very much want to do the same things and can get rattled by too much change and unpredictability. Someone with autism would be more inclined to go to the same breakfast place possibly hoping to interact with the same preferred server each time. He says he wants the script to be different, different, different. People with autism tend to prefer it when the social scripts are more familiar to them.
His aversion to doing the same things and seeing the same people doesn't sound like autism. People with autism often very much want to do the same things and can get rattled by too much change and unpredictability. Someone with autism would be more inclined to go to the same breakfast place possibly hoping to interact with the same preferred server each time. He says he wants the script to be different, different, different. People with autism tend to prefer it when the social scripts are more familiar to them.
I mentioned autism primarily because the OP stated it had been suggested by a clinician.
I agree that seeking routine would be more consistent with typical autism presentation. But avoidance of intense social interaction is also not uncommon, especially for higher functioning people with ASDs.
Going to the same shop and deal with the same clerk, interacting with a coworker, having breakfast in a bar with the same waiter everyday….that type of stuff kills me.
I need to feel that every second is new and different...every situation out from a movie, like if I had a script and knew that I am nailing this scene and there will be a different scene tomorrow and a new movie the next week.
I can´t stand small talk. Can´t stand sitting on a bench with a group of people and talk in a relaxed way about nothing in particular...I need everything to be special.
Deal great with short and quick interactions. I can be witty and sharp and sophisticated...but give me some forced regularity and I feel trapped and panic... feel my mask and my acing will be noticed, and people sooner or later will start talking on my back..."what's wrong with that guy?".
So...I have an extremely lonely life and avoid regular social interactions as much as I can. Thankfuly I live in a big city, its easy to be just a random stranger. Every now and again I obsess about somebody and force myself in the picture...which makes the situation collapse eventually and I flee once again.
I was told by a doctor I seemed to have a bit of autism, but was not diagnosed. Borderline personality is also an option.
Anyways...I was wondering is there's anyone out there in the same shoes with somethng useful to share...
Unless you are prepared to live on another planet or become an extreme recluse, you have to face the fact that regular social interaction is a necessity. You said you were great with short and quick interactions so I would try to build on your known strengths. IMO, the last thing you needed was to hear what that doctor told you. Get out there. Take small steps and look for small victories. Not everything in life is special, and that includes you and me. Sometimes life really is boring and mundane, other times it’s incredibly spontaneous and exciting. It all goes in the pot to make up what we call life.
I’m not sure you meet the criteria for a personality disorder but if you did I would guess Histrionic.
Very doubtful about autism. Your self-description reminds me very much of one of my best friends: He is smart & by smart I mean he can connect the dots quicker than anyone I have ever met.
He is a master at working an “audience” & everything he says is off the cuff, spontaneous & yet completely sincere.
What he can’t do, however; is to slow down enough to let his heart connect with his head. He struggles with relationships that are worth the effort, simply because it takes a little effort & that seems to almost scare him.
If he’s not asleep; he’s on the move & networking. A set routine would suck the life out of him. I wouldn’t say he’s entirely functional because there is not a balance. Not that this matters to him, though because his parameters of what constitutes success in life is atypical as well.
I am similar but less extreme. I took a personality test online for "fun" and was dumbfounded at the results. I learned that there are "others" like me after all! The results WERE surprisingly accurate though with only one aspect that did not apply to me. I am a male INFP.
Many may scoff at the notion of taking a personality test with expectations of deriving any useful information. I think it helped me just knowing that I have some belonging somewhere. I also found some joy knowing for once in my life someone "got" me.
The test was not long and was free. While it's not a magic bullet, it might help you better understand yourself. I recommend it to anyone. Google "free personality test" if you have never tried it and go from there.
OP, seems like some cognitive therapy might be good for you. Like...DO sit on the same bench 3 days in a row, or DO seek out the same cashier when checking out...and you would experience that it's OK to not be "on" all the time. You don't HAVE to be sparkling personality at EVERY interaction. Most people don't even expect that.
But speaking from personal experience, I know I've always enjoyed the "out of the usual" interactions with strangers that I've had. I mean the pleasant ones anyway. It's a bright spot in the day, and it's nice to make that short connection with someone else. But what makes it special is that it was unexpected.
For instance, one time I was standing in line at Walmart, my stuff on the belt. The lady behind me struck up a conversation. She was funny and nice, and for the next few minutes, we had pleasant conversation. But I wasn't expecting it. If she had just quietly stood there waiting her turn, I wouldn't have thought worse of her. It's OK to not be 'on' all the time, and people don't expect you to 'prove' yourself all the time.
Hmmm. I feel like I rambled there. Hope I made sense in that jumble.
Learn some jokes, joke with people. They'll joke back and lower their guard and then you'll have fuller exchange with others. Most interactions seem mundane because they're not being themselves around you. It's a 2 way street, if you seem cold and non-friendly, no one will do anything cool or spontaneous around you. People around you seem boring cos it is most likely just a projection of you. Laugh a little.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
