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48 here and these last few years have been the worse. I worry about my health a lot and about being a single female at this age. I hope my days become brighter but as for now I have the old lady blues. Oh, and i've been thinking about adopting a cat I guess i'll be the old cat lady.
I'm like the male version of you. I actually do have a cat (only one because more would turn off women) and thank God for her. Great companion after my divorce at 40. The 40's have been the worst decade of my life by a long shot. No more optimism, cynical, career challenges, back issues, divorce. I live in a city I can't stand and miss home. I miss my old life even when it sucked. I'm listening to a good book on the topic of middle age and the happiness decline called The Happiness Curve. Its helpful to know that most people feel less happiness from their late 30's to about 50. Then it actually supposedly starts to increase. In other words, 50 is the trough. Who knew? I figured I'd just be waiting to die, but at least I have some hope that stuff won't get to me as much, even knowing the end of life is closer and closer.
I'm like the male version of you. I actually do have a cat (only one because more would turn off women) and thank God for her. Great companion after my divorce at 40. The 40's have been the worst decade of my life by a long shot. No more optimism, cynical, career challenges, back issues, divorce. I live in a city I can't stand and miss home. I miss my old life even when it sucked. I'm listening to a good book on the topic of middle age and the happiness decline called The Happiness Curve. Its helpful to know that most people feel less happiness from their late 30's to about 50. Then it actually supposedly starts to increase. In other words, 50 is the trough. Who knew? I figured I'd just be waiting to die, but at least I have some hope that stuff won't get to me as much, even knowing the end of life is closer and closer.
Wow interesting stuff about the happiness curve. I googled it for more reading.
I guess that explains a lot. Maybe I am going through the same cycle as you... no more optimism and missing my old life, even when it sucked.
At 34 I was alone, depressed, and questioning a lot of past decisions in my life. 10 years later, I'm married to the woman of my dreams, have a family, and far more at peace with my past. I'm assuming that you're a man by your handle. One thing I can tell you about being 40 Jonathan, is that it's when a lot of men finally reach their peak. It's when a lot of men finally accomplish some of their biggest goals. I have several friends that felt just like you in that they questioned when their efforts would finally pay off. Most of those guys found out within the next 10 years.
Keep your foot on the pedal my friend, and good things will happen eventually.
Thank you for your great note! Yeah, I try to quell the fears about "not making it" and just focus on the hard work and the prize, because I have to continue to believe that if I don't give up, and I keep improving and taking feedback, and yearning to be better and better, that eventually that success will come. I think a lot of people quit too early, give up on their dreams after such a short time, and I think there's no shame in having it take longer to achieve what you want to do especially when it's a tougher path to get there. I often remind myself that it was never supposed to be easy, and if it were easy, I probably wouldn't be pursuing it because I like the challenge.
At the same time, I do think there's some sort of shift between being 29 or even 31 and when I turned 35, because suddenly I realized at 35, "Tomorrow I'll be closer to my 40th birthday than my 30th," which is kind of weird. I will say that I find a lot of inspiration in the older people I know, whether it's my dad at 76 who travels, works, and keeps active more than anyone I know, actually achieving some of his biggest milestones every year now even at his age, or his even older friend who runs his accounting company and that guy is an incredible golfer, he played in the Senior PGA Tour once, and he's in his 80s still out there a few times a week shooting scores none of my friends could dream about right now. There are a lot of people who demonstrate that as long as you keep active, mind and body, you can live a great, long life.
As for death, I thought about it more in my 20s than I do in my 30s, and I would caution anyone who is not that old not to spend any time thinking about it beyond perhaps using that as motivation to achieve what you want. The future is uncertain, and there's no reason to accept what has always been the case. Thirty years ago nobody could imagine we'd be on the Internet typing messages to each other. Only ten years ago or whatever it was, we were all getting our first smart phones. Also around ten years ago, there was just one or two legitimate labs working on anti-aging research. There are now dozens around the world, including some heavily funded operations like Calico (owned by Google). The human body is a machine, a very complicated machine indeed, but like any machine it can be made to function indefinitely once it is fully understood. People are already living way longer than they did in the past, but many labs are hard at work on figuring out ways to extend healthy human lifespans.
I always think it's a great idea to live your life like you only have so much time to accomplish your goals and dreams, but also you can't get bogged down on negative thinking, either. There is much reason to hope for the future, so much exciting research being done, and while I certainly don't claim to know how it will all end up, I also know that the speed of innovation is breathtaking and in many ways has only gotten faster and faster. I went from playing Tetris as a kid, excited just to have a video game console at home, to playing video games so realistic that the human faces look like a movie now and video games often have stories and visuals more advanced than in many movies. The world changes rapidly and more than that, there are SO many more people working on technological and scientific breakthroughs than ever before. These things take time, but even some of the early returns have been exciting and promising.
Thank you for your great note! Yeah, I try to quell the fears about "not making it" and just focus on the hard work and the prize, because I have to continue to believe that if I don't give up, and I keep improving and taking feedback, and yearning to be better and better, that eventually that success will come. I think a lot of people quit too early, give up on their dreams after such a short time, and I think there's no shame in having it take longer to achieve what you want to do especially when it's a tougher path to get there. I often remind myself that it was never supposed to be easy, and if it were easy, I probably wouldn't be pursuing it because I like the challenge.
At the same time, I do think there's some sort of shift between being 29 or even 31 and when I turned 35, because suddenly I realized at 35, "Tomorrow I'll be closer to my 40th birthday than my 30th," which is kind of weird. I will say that I find a lot of inspiration in the older people I know, whether it's my dad at 76 who travels, works, and keeps active more than anyone I know, actually achieving some of his biggest milestones every year now even at his age, or his even older friend who runs his accounting company and that guy is an incredible golfer, he played in the Senior PGA Tour once, and he's in his 80s still out there a few times a week shooting scores none of my friends could dream about right now. There are a lot of people who demonstrate that as long as you keep active, mind and body, you can live a great, long life.
As for death, I thought about it more in my 20s than I do in my 30s, and I would caution anyone who is not that old not to spend any time thinking about it beyond perhaps using that as motivation to achieve what you want. The future is uncertain, and there's no reason to accept what has always been the case. Thirty years ago nobody could imagine we'd be on the Internet typing messages to each other. Only ten years ago or whatever it was, we were all getting our first smart phones. Also around ten years ago, there was just one or two legitimate labs working on anti-aging research. There are now dozens around the world, including some heavily funded operations like Calico (owned by Google). The human body is a machine, a very complicated machine indeed, but like any machine it can be made to function indefinitely once it is fully understood. People are already living way longer than they did in the past, but many labs are hard at work on figuring out ways to extend healthy human lifespans.
I always think it's a great idea to live your life like you only have so much time to accomplish your goals and dreams, but also you can't get bogged down on negative thinking, either. There is much reason to hope for the future, so much exciting research being done, and while I certainly don't claim to know how it will all end up, I also know that the speed of innovation is breathtaking and in many ways has only gotten faster and faster. I went from playing Tetris as a kid, excited just to have a video game console at home, to playing video games so realistic that the human faces look like a movie now and video games often have stories and visuals more advanced than in many movies. The world changes rapidly and more than that, there are SO many more people working on technological and scientific breakthroughs than ever before. These things take time, but even some of the early returns have been exciting and promising.
I've thought for some time now that the Gen-Xers like myself will be the first generation to really benefit from anti-aging technology. I don't think it's crazy to think that living to 100 and being very active into one's 80's could become the norm in the next 30 years. Just look at how much Vaccines and Antibiotics increased people's life spans in our grandparents lifetime. If living to 100 becomes pretty normal, living to 120 could become something that's not too unheard of.
Yeah the best way I look at it is really, I can't control whatever technological advances come about, even though I highly value them and love reading about them, I was born with a more creative / artistic edge not a scientific one. I basically think the most important thing in society is the genius researchers and engineers making next generation medical and technological advances, so I wish I could be one of them, but I don't have the aptitude for that so all I can do is maybe write scripts, perhaps direct movies, that lead other people to pursue the sciences. I love reading about new innovations, though, it's so exciting.
What I can control, though, is my own health and trying to stay in the best shape I can every day and every year. I look at some of the people in senior living, they're no older than my dad, but they are decrepit and I'm not saying it's all their fault, but a large percentage of them never did any physical fitness their entire lives. The body has to be kept up and kept healthy, and while some things befall you that are simply out of your control, genetically unfortunate, you can at least do whatever is in your power to stay in shape and give yourself a statistically better chance at a longer, healthier life. Heck I even look at some of the people I went to high school with, they have beer bellies, they're out of shape, they complain about feeling old and having these aches and pains. I set my all time bench press record at the end of last year, and I'm stronger than I ever was in my 20s, so I don't feel "old" at all. I feel young! I intend to keep feeling as young as I can.
I'm 40 and I've started thinking about my health and death. And the future: Are we going to be financially able to meet all of our goals? What are those goals, specifically? Where do I want my career to go from here? How can I make a difference? Will it entail a career change? How do I want my responsibilities in my volunteer position (I have a leadership position with a non-profit) to change or not change as I get older?
I'm also thinking a lot about my kids; they're teenagers and will be getting ready to step out into the world soon. Are they ready? Have I parented them well enough? How can I balance my desire to keep them safe with their need to explore and establish themselves?
In my 30s, I think I was really so enmeshed in the kids and building my career that I didn't think of too much else, to be honest! We homeschool and I started and built my business from scratch, so that, along with hosting exchange students, all kept me very busy. I didn't have a lot of existential thoughts... it was really more about getting through each day/week/month/year, at least for the first half of my 30s when my family was young.
I married at age 20 and so my 20s were about starting adult life! Buying our first house, having babies, making the decision to move across the country. Dreaming about how the future would look. That was such a fun time... I had so much youthful energy and many lofty ideas! I guess I'm more realistic now than I once was, but I'm still fairly idealistic and I still have some pretty big dreams, though not as big as what 24-year-old me thought she could and would do.
What are some common thoughts than run through people's minds in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s? (thoughts, worries, hopes & dreams, regrets, etc.)
30s: "I need to be exceptional at (something) that I can monetize. Where I am exceptional currently, cannot be."
40s: "What degrees provide highest bang for the buck? Ah: Ivy League, business!"
"Hey look, I monetized it!"
"Hmm, that doesn't work as well as it used to. Where are my pills?"
50s: "How do I get out of this rat race. Hmm, the models say about another nine years of work, maybe 11, and can retire extremely comfortably."
"Rent, don't buy: boats, broads, aircraft."
"Hey, I'm the only one who actually practices what I preach!"
"Whoever said 'money can't buy you love' was obviously high on acid. It sure can, and does, buy (or enable) a helluva lot more of everything enjoyable in life."
35 here. And the same, kick the can down the road, attitude I had during my teens; "There's always next year", and "Someone else can always take the reins."
I feel the best thing to do is live under the radar as best as possible. Ghost in and out of events in life without attracting too much attention.
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I guess i'll be the old cat lady.
