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This is something I was afraid to hear but can't be denied. It is getting very difficult to enjoy any part of her anymore. A couple years ago I considered her a normal teenage girl with a bright future if she stayed on the right path. Before it became all to easy to pick out the lies I enjoyed visiting with her. The behaviors and lies are all too easy to pick out but it's a taboo subject that isn't supposed to be talked about.
There are 2 items that scare me at this point. The poor girl she decided to verbally attack and told daily to kill herself probably won't be the last person she abuses. There are a lot of her former classmates that are still angry about what she did and tried to do and they share the information on social media. A girl a couple years younger than her knew the girl my niece picked on and is one that warns people about her has some text messages from my niece asking her to stop ruining her life. She says in the message, yes I did it. I didn't like her and I said what I said. There I admitted what I did now stop messing my life up. This girl has multiple messages all basically the same but worded differently.
The other item is the lies she told about the police officer to cover up the real reason her classmates hated her. If the wrong person believes some of her lies, lives could be seriously messed with.
It all sounds familiar to me.
I didn't really believe the person who first predicted the future to me about my daughter, but it all came true later as she matured. Now, my daughter's story is one of multiple husbands, children she did not raise, a nursing license lost, and more. I have been lied to, lied about and abused in every way that I could imagine.
As I said, "Protect yourself". These people can be dangerous - or expensive depending on what they want. You evidently have seen first hand what will be done to people who catch her misbehaving.
I’d suggest you have a talk with your mother or arrange an appointment with a lawyer for both of you to discuss and arrange power of attorney, will or trust issues, and a living will. Don’t even discuss the niece or your concerns at this point because she will close up and be defensive, but you do need to work around her and find a way to protect your mother’s assets. The most important message your mother needs to hear from you is who will make medical decisions if anything happens to her and how or who does she want to make decisions and handle her affairs if she is incapacitated.
You also need to try and keep a record of all the money this niece is getting, for what and if she is receiving any income elsewhere from other relatives. If it gets worse and you need to seek power of attorney or file elder abuse charges you have to have a provable record.
I would be extremely surprised if she were not diagnosed as a sociopath. Please read the following:
• The Liar in Your Life: The Way to Truthful Relationships, Robert Feldman
• Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry, Albert Bernstein
• The Sociopath Next Door, Martha Stout
• Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work, Paul Babiak
• Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us, Robert D. Hare
A certain percentage of the population is like this (4%, I think). Everyone has encountered people like this. It's a brain defect, and there is no cure. Most of these people do not end up incarcerated but leave behind a trail of emptied bank accounts, broken promises and broken hearts. The best thing to do is disengage from them. They are not normal, decent human beings.
I hope your niece is not a psychopath but it's hard to tell what people will do eventually. The lying is troublesome and you are right to be concerned.
Last edited by KaraZetterberg153; 08-14-2018 at 02:00 PM..
When someone mentioned elder abuse and swindling from mom, my niece lashed out bragging about the wealth of her other grandparents and their ability to out lawyer anyone on this side of the family.
If they are so wealthy, why is she grifting your mom?
If they are so wealthy, why is she grifting your mom?
Probably because they know she lies, and have the will power to now tell her no. She is a adult.
OP, your mom is enabling this 19 yr olds failing. They need to get her out, and protect themselves. The lying is a horrible thing. Next time she does it....call it all out. If she claims she needs X amount of money-verify her story.
The other grandparents may already be aware of your nieces proclivities, and that is why she isn't living with them anymore. They want her to be someone else's problem, not theirs.
Document, document, document everything. You may need it in the future. Is there any possibility that she may be forging your Mom's checks? Criminal behaviour does not need your Mom's approval to be prosecuted. Also talk to that policeman. Slander against him is being perpetuated which may be a prosecutable offense also.
Your mother seems unable to handle her finances. Have you considered getting power of attorney and taking over her bank account? An eldercare lawyer may be able to help.
Why aren't the custodial parents (sister's in-laws) taking more responsibility here? Has anyone reported the theft?
How does a 17 year old get a car loan?
Why are you not more involved in protecting your mother from your sociopathic niece? What this kid is doing to your mom is ELDER ABUSE. Start by getting rid of the pets and packing the kid back off to her LEGAL guardians.
#zentropa answered your question, start wit the last point that I highlited
Before we run off the rails against this girl consider this:
It seems the niece has a psychological disorder called compulsive lying or pathological lying. It is actually a symptom rather than a separate condition and is seen in people with narcissistic personality disorder or and borderline personality disorder, bipolar and ADHD. They have impulse control issues. There are good treatments for this.
In short the girl is ill and needs a doctor's help. Yes she is acting despicably but she isn't the behavior.
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