Is Asperger's Syndrome unattractive to women? (sociopaths, narcissists, therapy, men)

[BrainGardens]

I had a doctor tell me I have it but never got a second opinion. I was young so I am not sure about methods of data on how you justify a person as having it. So I am not even sure if I have it.

If a women knows a man has asperger's syndrome does that make him less attractive to the women? I know this is a generalization but do you think it is seen as a weird thing to the majority of women?

[Parnassia]

Its most likely that some behaviors the person exhibits makes them uncomfortable or they don't know how to respond emotionally. "Unattractive" wouldn't be the term that makes much sense.

[xPlorer48]

Our daughter has Aspergers or high functioning autism and has a boyfriend who is the same. They make an interesting pair. They are both very intelligent but socially awkward. They are each other’s best friend.

[Blondebaerde]

Originally Posted by BrainGardens

I had a doctor tell me I have it but never got a second opinion. I was young so I am not sure about methods of data on how you justify a person as having it. So I am not even sure if I have it.

If a women knows a man has asperger's syndrome does that make him less attractive to the women? I know this is a generalization but do you think it is seen as a weird thing to the majority of women?

(I'm not a doctor or psychology professional, only an observant layman.)

I do believe in the DSM V they list "Autism Spectrum Disorders" along a continuum. Somewhere in there is what they formerly called "Aspergers."

If you've been tested for the traits/tendencies, and are on the spectrum, well and good: at least now you know where you may have behavioral challenges when it comes to fitting in, socially. Dating is a special challenge.

It's a good bet I'm skating near the threshold (if there is one) of that part of the spectrum, too. The facts and self-testing all fit, in my life across a fifty year arc. With a foot in... Normies...and another in (for the sake of brevity) Aspie's, I think I can address this.

Children and younger people certainly don't like the unusual, and call it out for bullying or ridicule at-worst. Some kids are kind enough to embrace it in others, too. High School being a time of physical maturity tethered to emotional immaturity makes it just that much worse. I personally believe most people are not brave enough to tolerate an "eccentric" or "unusual" or "clownish" or "trippy" partner all that long; it causes social problems among their cliques. The movies are right about that, though in exaggerated form.

University away from home is better, all are struggling to grow intellectually and emotionally. I sure did. There is drinking and other partying, sometimes a high school-like ruckus or two, but often people are at least more-open to eccentricity. Forget fraternities...you won't be joining the Pi Kappa Alphas, e.g....and mostly keep clear of the popular sorority girls: they'll shy away from you like cancer.

In young adulthood, say one's 20s, much of that goes away because few care or have time to dwell on others. Not all of it. That is the time such persons should perhaps focus on why they may not be attractive to women. Something Normies instinctively figure out in thier teens, join the football team, then the the frat, etc.

Frankly, after my mid-20s and stopping drinking, I had "their" behaviors down cold. I aped what I saw, as cool as I could. Guess what, that works. As decades progress, you can refine your act to the point where it can split atoms, if you are keenly aware of yourself w/o becoming neurotic or agitated in the process. Project normalcy, safety, and calm as other (men) do, communicate in similar terms, women will feel safe and the rest is up to you.

The women I date now find me a bit eccentric, which I surely am. Little do they know. Being a little...off...means I also have what they believe is an ironic sense of humor, when I'm simply reacting what for me is normally to situations. Playing normal, the humor is ironic. Being eccentric, the observations are honest, but come off as...you get the picture.

The more you are still, kind, sincere, and don't...say...crazy...(stuff), the more they will accept you. I was out at a very chic sushi place in Seattle last night, with a (very) chic lady, and she digs me because I'm just a little vivid in my dress, deliberate in action, and heavy on the irony w/o being at-all "loud". It's "droll" she said, and kissed me: okay, so I like fedora hats and red socks! You'd be surprised what women might find attractive, if you're safe and above all...kind and considerate.

[Sassybluesy]

[SIZE=5][/SIZE][SIZE=5] [SIZE=2] Blondebaerde, you remind me of my youngest son. He's on the spectrum as well. As he's gotten older, the "quirk" has gotten better. He IS a very kind hearted man, and for the most part, very patient with younger people. I've often thought he'd make a good teacher with young kids.[/SIZE][/SIZE]


For him, I'd say life got drastically easier in highschool. He was much more accepted by his peers, and even ended up on a Queen's Court for a school dance once. Also, I know for a fact that there were a couple of girls who were into him...but he didn't see it like I did. He thought they were just being nice, even though as another female, I could tell they were into him and trying to get his attention.


He's a grown man now. I think you'd have to get to know him a bit, to know if he was on the scale or not. I think she's probably on "the scale" somewhere as well. They love each other, and they seem good together.

[BrainGardens]

If a women had it and I found her attractive I wouldn't care. Sometimes people though judge based on perception of labels and how the majority of people view it in the public instead of getting to know the person. I suppose if a person did that then that shouldn't be a person you would want to date anyway though.

[RJ312]

Men with Asperger's have a very difficult time dating. I would conclude that it is unattractive. Dating is tough for men without Asperger's, so I couldn't imagine what it is like for someone with it.

[xxthinkpinkxo]

My prom date had Asperger's. I found out after-the-fact. It wasn't the Asperger's "label" necessarily; I would say it mostly just that he was very socially awkward and sort of unaware of social cues/norms.

[BrainGardens]

I feel like there is a stigma about it. However I would rather have that than be a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath. It is interesting that it is not categorized as an antisocial personality disorder like sociopaths and psychopaths and I think narcissists. I think most people with asperger's are friendly but social interaction is exhausting because you mess up and also the fear up messing up hurts you and also social interaction is awkward in my opinion.

They is why exposure therapy is neccessary because social interaction in an optimal state is not awkward that is a false belief.

So its not just the social interaction between an asperger's person and say a normal person that is awkward but I think many people with asperger's may view typical social interaction as an awkward type of communication itself.

[BrainGardens]

In my experience diagnosis is through tests such asking questions and not through brain scans. Ultimately with a mental disorder in science you want empirical evidence of the structure. So you categorize the disorder by the malfunctioning mechanisms in the brain and identify those in people. So there is unethical practice going on in diagnosing people as well as treating people throughout a lot of subjects in the medical psychology field. So it is not really that advanced of a field, I am guessing 200 years from now it will be very advanced though.