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I think we all have many aspects to our personality, some good some bad. I think different aspects are brought out by different kinds of situations.
However, it's also true that we are each born with a basic personality that doesn't change much. Some people are naturally more competitive, some are more cooperative, some are more loving, etc.
And some have personality disorders -- narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, etc.
So I guess some people are just bad meanies. Do you think so? How often do you have an experience with a bad meanie? And I don't mean someone who was nasty because of the situation, like your car just rammed into their car. I'm talking about malice. How often does it seem to happen?
And there are all kinds of ways of being nasty, some more creative than others. Some are very subtle. The common theme is the other person wants you to feel bad in some way for some reason.
Of course we encounter this a lot if we spend any time online. Anonymity brings out the worst.
One thing I try to do is watch the nasty thoughts that wander through my mind. They are going to be there, better to acknowledge them than to deny them.
They say the worst fault is to be conscious of none, and I believe that. The book People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck is all about that. He says the truly evil people are the ones who perceive themselves as all sweetness and light. Those are the ones who can do the most damage.
See what I mean?
So have you had encounters with bad meanies, or anyone who is truly evil?
Most of the terribly behaved people I've encountered, barring those with dx'd disorders, have had quite a bit in common behind their behavior.
For the most part, they have overwhelmingly been people, who, for various reasons, experience a good deal of insecurity, and are generally primed to throw others under the bus before they, themselves get thrown under the bus. There is a very prevalent "be a dick to others before somebody has a chance to be a dick to you" mentality.
"So I guess some people are just bad meanies. Do you think so? "
Possibly, if they have some kind of disorder such as sociopathy, or perhaps malignant narcissism
Overall though, I don't think human beings are that simple.
I also think that neither our best nor our worst behaviours define us as people.
Because I'm not a mind reader, I go by the behaviour of others. That means I tend to be attracted to like people, and avoid people find say aggressive , clingy or in unpleasant in other ways-- I also avoid people who reflect my own perceived faults back at me. That means I have few friends, but value those I have.
In 71 years I have never come across a completely good nor a completely bad person, as far as I know. I have come across a few stinkers though. What HAS happened that my life heroes turned out to have feet of clay.EG Mohandas Gandhi, Mother Theresa, and Paramahansa Yogananda. These people each had human failings, so were not the saints widely thought.
For one model of human consciousness, I recommend Transactional Analysis:
"Transactional analysis (TA) is a psychoanalytic theory and method of therapy wherein social transactions are analyzed to determine the ego state of the patient (whether parent-like, child-like, or adult-like) as a basis for understanding behavior.[1] In transactional analysis, the patient is taught to alter the ego state as a way to solve emotional problems. The method deviates from Freudian psychoanalysis which focuses on increasing awareness of the contents of unconsciously held ideas. Eric Berne developed the concept and paradigm of transactional analysis in the late 1950s."
Well, quite simply, you can observe: what they say, how they behave and how they conduct their lives.
And if you can't tell what is toxic behaviour, I'm not sure I can help you. Most people understand and follow their instincts about this stuff.
In psychology, we try to define things and analyze them. Psychologists could just say everything is obvious, just follow instincts. But then we might as well not have any psychologists.
Well, that's the thing. It's not possible for "everyone." People have varying levels of emotional intelligence. Still, those who stumble into abusive or sociopathic relationships and stay there are not the majority
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