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I’ve never been treated differently in the workplace because I’m 57 never married and don’t have kids. I have many friends that I’ve met through work. Again, it’s not like it’s unusual to be older and not be married or had kids. It’s becoming more and more common. I’m very rarely the only older person who doesn’t have kids or is never married at a workplace or in a neighborhood.
Again, a lot of these posts seem more like personal shame than actual stigma.
When people whisper behind your back or make blunt or even rude comments to your face about the reasons for one being single or childless, or when people gasp when you tell them that you don't want children, and then they proceed to treat you as a second-class citizen or spread rumors about you, that is evidence of stigma.
Just because one person hasn't experienced this when and where she (or he) lives doesn't mean that others don't when and where they live.
I feel no shame whatsoever at not having been married or had children. I've wanted a childless life since childhood.
When people whisper behind your back or make blunt or even rude comments to your face about the reasons for one being single or childless, or when people gasp when you tell them that you don't want children, and then they proceed to treat you as a second-class citizen or spread rumors about you, that is evidence of stigma.
Just because one person hasn't experienced this when and where she (or he) lives doesn't mean that others don't when and where they live.
I feel no shame whatsoever at not having been married or had children. I've wanted a childless life since childhood.
Again, this is not 1950 when most women fit this. In 2019 there are many, many single and childless women. I highly doubt anyone is whispering, there is no scandal involved today. If you read OP's posts here about her relationship/sexual preferences, I'm going to wager there are reasons other than childlessness that render her outside the norm.
Not sure if OP meant deciding to remain single forever or simply delaying parenthood. Delaying "partnering up" until completion of school or because you have not found quality match is perfectly valid.
Not sure there is a stigma against being "single", but I will make this sweeping generalization. Seems like people that have children are in general more mature than people without children. Being responsible for a child forces you to become less self absorbed, it's nearly impossible not to be. There are exceptions of course - dedicating your life to public service like the military or civil service can also formulate character.
This could not be anymore false.
My wife's ex-husband is an abusive deadbeat dad that nearly killed her once.
People think parents are more mature than single childless people and this couldn't be further from the truth.
I feel compelled to make this one general point: married or not, parent or not, I would not expect my social life at, say, 40 to resemble the one I had at 20. Just sayin'.
It should be much better at 40 (childless or not)?
I'm sure this has been covered - apologies in advance for not reading all the posts.
Personally, having/caring for/chauffering kids is so exhausting when you have a full time job, that the only friends you can afford to have - timewise - are other parents chauffering their kids. Socializing is at the chauffered event. Period.
Once the kids were launched or semi-launched to college (whatever) I skipped town and moved to a more economically vibrant area. Once more I have no time. Do I care about the score on the socializing index?
No way Jose! I am so content having no external demands on my time. I'm a big reader, something I did not have the (ahem) TIME to do with kids in house. I barely have time to do it now, although I use one day of every weekend, and all vacations to catch up. What a relief from stress. Noise. Drama. Demands. Monetary drains.
You may correctly surmise that I am definitely not one of the prospective doting grandmothers. On the contrary, having a second generation of loud, disruptive, demanding kids would present like a dire fate.
Looking forward to retirement. I am content with peaceful enjoyment of my immediate surround.
It should be much better at 40 (childless or not)?
Yeah I would hope so! When I was 20, I had no time whatsoever for a social life. I was taking 20 credits per term and running a small online business while trying to make sure I had 4 days a week to hit the gym. I barely had any social interaction outside of class except during the summers and winter break when I’d get to see many of my returning high school friends. Now at 36, I have no actual responsibilities that aren’t my own choosing. I run a company but don’t need the income from it anymore, and I don’t deal with the day to day aspects, so while I still work hard (like tonight is a work night for me, but I’m taking a food break) it’s all on my own schedule and I can go hang out with friends until 4 am (like last night) without a care in the world. It’s much better being closer to 40 than 20!
Yeah I would hope so! When I was 20, I had no time whatsoever for a social life. I was taking 20 credits per term and running a small online business while trying to make sure I had 4 days a week to hit the gym. I barely had any social interaction outside of class except during the summers and winter break when I’d get to see many of my returning high school friends. Now at 36, I have no actual responsibilities that aren’t my own choosing. I run a company but don’t need the income from it anymore, and I don’t deal with the day to day aspects, so while I still work hard (like tonight is a work night for me, but I’m taking a food break) it’s all on my own schedule and I can go hang out with friends until 4 am (like last night) without a care in the world. It’s much better being closer to 40 than 20!
Not quite what I meant. My point was, in theory, our social lives get better as we mature. (I’m childless but I see it as applying to those with kids, too.) When we are 20 (at least most of us) have social lives which revolve around college friends, drinking, etc. Most of us don’t have the money when we are young (or the time) to develop passions/interests yet and so our social life is limited to our immediate surroundings. As one gets older, though, we have experiences (work, travel) and interests/hobbies which our social lives can be built around - not necessarily drinking until 4 am as you do (and as we all did at 20). Maybe you don’t have responsibilities as an adult - but most of us do (aging parent, work, relationships, etc); that said, it doesn’t play a part in having an active, healthy social life. It changes whether one has kids or not - but it can still be better, particularly if we’ve developed a serious relationship and/or have interests to share and explore in our free time.
We've got children and grandchildren ourselves but we also have many friends who don't.
That's totally their choice and it's deserving as just as much respect as any other personal decision.
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