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Hi. I'm feeling sad and I'm not sure where else to go. My best friend doesn't care and neither do any of my other friends. I don't want to talk to my mom about it because I feel uncomfortable. I have nobody else to turn to. I feel embarrassed making myself vulnerable online but I guess if it gets too bad I can delete this.
I really miss my dad. I just want him back. He died of a sudden heart attack when I was 16, and I'm almost 20 now but I still miss him. He was the only person who really loved me. I know my mom loves me too but my dad and me had a special bond. When I was little he would always call me his princess and whenever my mom yelled at me and got physical, he would always defend me and tell her to stop. I miss all of his really interesting stories, I miss how approachable he was, how he would always just talk to everybody with such ease, even complete strangers. He loved rock music and his favorite band was Pink Floyd, and whenever I listen to them I start crying. I took him for granted when he was alive, but I just want him back. What happened isn't fair, I don't understand why it had to happen to my dad. He was such a kind person, he was so sweet and would never harm anybody. People took advantage of him so often but he still believed in the good in others. I love him so much and wish he could just come back. I feel so lonely, I can't even describe how lonely I feel. I'm all alone in a different country for university and nobody here cares about me. I just need a hug
Im sorry for being too personal. I just had to share this somewhere.
I am so sorry for your loss. I’m a daddy’s girl too, and I cannot imagine losing my father that way. But I have dealt with other types of loss. The pain will dull with time, that is inevitable. But the way I handle it is asking myself if I’m honoring my deceased loved one with how I’m living my life. Would they be happy for me or proud of me? I try to focus on the good memories too - like when I took my best friend and her mother on what would be their last big shopping trip before they died and how we laughed until we cried multiple times that day.
Write your memories of your father down. It helps. And please reach out to your school’s mental health services. A support group or a few sessions with a therapist can help you channel this grief. Hugs to you!
*hugs* You're not being too personal and it's both okay and perfectly normal to reach out to find sympathy and understanding. Experiencing pain after the loss of a loved one is normal--especially since you lost your father at such a young age and so very suddenly. I wish that I could tell you why he left this earth and you far too soon and that the "missing" would get easier.
It's likely that at your tender age, your friends haven't had to experience such a profound loss, so it might not be that they don't care, but that they don't know what to say to you and, once your dad had been gone for a time, they became reabsorbed into their own bubbles. It's not right and it's not fair, but it's sometimes how things roll at any age. They don't understand yet that most of us don't simply "get over" a death, but that moving on with life without that particular loved one often comes in fits and starts.
Hold on to those precious memories. Listen to the music even though it brings tears to your eyes because through it you're able to feel a strong connection to your father that transcends life and death. (Your dad had fantastic taste in music, I must say!) Live the best life that you can as your dad would want to see you doing well and finding contentment. He'll always be with you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I’m a daddy’s girl too, and I cannot imagine losing my father that way. But I have dealt with other types of loss. The pain will dull with time, that is inevitable. But the way I handle it is asking myself if I’m honoring my deceased loved one with how I’m living my life. Would they be happy for me or proud of me? I try to focus on the good memories too - like when I took my best friend and her mother on what would be their last big shopping trip before they died and how we laughed until we cried multiple times that day.
Write your memories of your father down. It helps. And please reach out to your school’s mental health services. A support group or a few sessions with a therapist can help you channel this grief. Hugs to you!
Thank you I always tell myself that maybe one day there will be a way to talk to those who are no longer with us - and then maybe I'll be able to talk with him again. I know it's just wishful thinking but comforting nevertheless.
I'll definitely start writing them down. I hope that helps.
*hugs* You're not being too personal and it's both okay and perfectly normal to reach out to find sympathy and understanding. Experiencing pain after the loss of a loved one is normal--especially since you lost your father at such a young age and so very suddenly. I wish that I could tell you why he left this earth and you far too soon and that the "missing" would get easier.
It's likely that at your tender age, your friends haven't had to experience such a profound loss, so it might not be that they don't care, but that they don't know what to say to you and, once your dad had been gone for a time, they became reabsorbed into their own bubbles. It's not right and it's not fair, but it's sometimes how things roll at any age. They don't understand yet that most of us don't simply "get over" a death, but that moving on with life without that particular loved one often comes in fits and starts.
Hold on to those precious memories. Listen to the music even though it brings tears to your eyes because through it you're able to feel a strong connection to your father that transcends life and death. (Your dad had fantastic taste in music, I must say!) Live the best life that you can as your dad would want to see you doing well and finding contentment. He'll always be with you.
*another hug*
Hello, thank you for commenting!
I don’t know, whenever I try to talk to my friend about how I feel, she just stares at me and doesn’t say anything other than an awkward “things will be fine.” She doesn’t even hug me and isn’t affectionate or sweet at all. And then I end up feeling incredibly embarrassed for opening up. It sucks. I don’t have many friends, and there often isn’t anybody to truly talk to. I feel uncomfortable talking to my mom because she’s too emotional and it makes me uncomfortable. I like when people are emotional but when it’s my mom I don’t like it.
That last paragraph made me smile, thank you! It’s almost 5 am where I live and I’ve spent the night crying so it was nice to smile a little. Haha yeah, his music taste was the best! He loved classic rock and his favorite band was Pink Floyd but he also really liked similar ones like Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin etc.
I don’t know, whenever I try to talk to my friend about how I feel, she just stares at me and doesn’t say anything other than an awkward “things will be fine.” She doesn’t even hug me and isn’t affectionate or sweet at all. And then I end up feeling incredibly embarrassed for opening up. It sucks. I don’t have many friends, and there often isn’t anybody to truly talk to. I feel uncomfortable talking to my mom because she’s too emotional and it makes me uncomfortable. I like when people are emotional but when it’s my mom I don’t like it.
That last paragraph made me smile, thank you! It’s almost 5 am where I live and I’ve spent the night crying so it was nice to smile a little. Haha yeah, his music taste was the best! He loved classic rock and his favorite band was Pink Floyd but he also really liked similar ones like Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin etc.
What you've been feeling is normal.
People feel awkward with these situations in real life. It's so much easier to give comfort on a forum like this one. I'm not a physical, huggy type myself, but I think if people just listen, that's also of great help.
I don’t know, whenever I try to talk to my friend about how I feel, she just stares at me and doesn’t say anything other than an awkward “things will be fine.” She doesn’t even hug me and isn’t affectionate or sweet at all. And then I end up feeling incredibly embarrassed for opening up. It sucks. I don’t have many friends, and there often isn’t anybody to truly talk to. I feel uncomfortable talking to my mom because she’s too emotional and it makes me uncomfortable. I like when people are emotional but when it’s my mom I don’t like it.
That last paragraph made me smile, thank you! It’s almost 5 am where I live and I’ve spent the night crying so it was nice to smile a little. Haha yeah, his music taste was the best! He loved classic rock and his favorite band was Pink Floyd but he also really liked similar ones like Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin etc.
I'm thinking your friend just doesn't understand how to help you. You're both young, and she hasn't experienced the pain and loss of losing a parent, like you have. I'm sure she WANTS to be there for you...but she just doesn't have the life experience to help.
Regarding your mom...you know...she's grieving too. Maybe it would help both of you, if you brought up fun stuff all of you used to do. I think one of the most painful things about losing someone to death, is that no one wants to talk about the person who died. And to the person grieving...it's like that person disappeared and never existed, because no one wants to acknowledge the deceased, and that he/she existed, laughed, loved, had friends, etc. You'll probably both cry...but maybe appreciate each other more, and be appreciative of having the other, who understands more than anyone else, that they lost someone they loved.
Did your father have parents, siblings, close friends, close cousins? Maybe they are grieving his loss and would like the chance to help his daughter get through this. You could call and explain what you’re feeling, and ask them if you could call every now and then to just talk about your dad. It’s possible this might lead to close connections and continuing relationships for their own sake. Particularly if his parents are living, they might welcome not only the opportunity to talk about their son with someone who loved him, but the opportunity to develop a closer bond with a grandkid.
Part of what’s making you feel so alone is your youth. So few of your friends have experienced this grief, and it’s hard to be empathetic over something you really don’t comprehend. The parents of your friends would be better bets to understand and talk to, but that’s probably not a realistic option, and might strain the friendships! Those of us who have gone through this will understand. It’s an overwhelming grief. Could you ask a school counselor if there are any grief groups for other students who are suffering similar losses?
Although I’m much older than you, I did two things when my mother died which helped, and I’ll pass along. Tge first was to Google loss of parent, and read what others said about their feelings. The second has already been suggested. I started an online note about everything that occurred to me about Mom, little funny things she said or did, things she liked to eat, habits she had, just every memory that flitted through my head. After a few months, additional entries slowed down. I go to it when I particularly am missing her, and it worked to comfort me. As time goes by, I go back to it less, but like knowing it’s there.
I don't have much new to add other than my own experience. As a man I was closer to my father, but of course, its different. One might expect I would have been closer to my mother, but she was hard to live with. I lost my dad on my wedding day in 2005 after a long battle with Emphysema. I was prepared I guess, but never really grieved much. I was newly married and had other things going on.
Its only recently that I've realized what a huge sacrifice my dad made for his family by staying with my insane mother and being the better parent. He was the nurturing one, he was the one who took my brother and I to baseball practice, and went to the games. He was the one I bonded with from the age of 6 or 7 watching football. He took a lot of crap from my mother and stuck with her til the end. I now see how truly amazing he was. I also wish I'd seen it before he died. I was in my 30's when he died and I kick myself for not telling him how much I appreciated him. At 16, its totally understandable you feel you took him for granted as a teenager. Don't beat yourself up over it.
Do write your memories down about him. They will remind you of what kind of man you want to marry and don't settle for less. Its also a good opportunity to share these thoughts with your kids later if you have them about how wonderful their Grandfather was.
Last edited by The_Atlguy; 06-30-2020 at 09:25 AM..
Hi. I'm feeling sad and I'm not sure where else to go. My best friend doesn't care and neither do any of my other friends. I don't want to talk to my mom about it because I feel uncomfortable. I have nobody else to turn to. I feel embarrassed making myself vulnerable online but I guess if it gets too bad I can delete this.
I really miss my dad. I just want him back. He died of a sudden heart attack when I was 16, and I'm almost 20 now but I still miss him. He was the only person who really loved me. I know my mom loves me too but my dad and me had a special bond. When I was little he would always call me his princess and whenever my mom yelled at me and got physical, he would always defend me and tell her to stop. I miss all of his really interesting stories, I miss how approachable he was, how he would always just talk to everybody with such ease, even complete strangers. He loved rock music and his favorite band was Pink Floyd, and whenever I listen to them I start crying. I took him for granted when he was alive , but I just want him back. What happened isn't fair, I don't understand why it had to happen to my dad. He was such a kind person, he was so sweet and would never harm anybody. People took advantage of him so often but he still believed in the good in others. I love him so much and wish he could just come back. I feel so lonely, I can't even describe how lonely I feel. I'm all alone in a different country for university and nobody here cares about me. I just need a hug
Im sorry for being too personal. I just had to share this somewhere.
This is the time you shape yourselves up. Being alone gives you the right to choose whats good and whats bad for you. Do what you think would have made your Dad proud. And the bolded part is the most dangerous, don't continue to do that and you have a chance to make amends.
Don't worry if no one cares about you. If you take care of yourself well, you will start attracting others.
And finally , I also responded because that's how my kid would have described me.
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I always tell myself that maybe one day there will be a way to talk to those who are no longer with us - and then maybe I'll be able to talk with him again. I know it's just wishful thinking but comforting nevertheless. 
It sucks. I don’t have many friends, and there often isn’t anybody to truly talk to. I feel uncomfortable talking to my mom because she’s too emotional and it makes me uncomfortable. I like when people are emotional but when it’s my mom I don’t like it.
