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I find it painful. Not just because they are about painful things, but even great memories of joyful summer vacations, my kids as children, our early days of marriage, my college and school days, everything only causes pain. Thinking of my son as a little boy, watching him hit a home run, it is almost a physical pain. My daughter so little and cute, so innocent, it hurts. I guess because those times are never coming back, they are grown and away, they live lives away from us. I know this sounds stupid. My husband can revel in memories endlessly and finds it strange i find nostalgia painful. I dont treasure memorabilia as most people do. I just want live in the present as it is.
Does anyone else feel this way or am i just truly weird?
Sometimes I feel this way and I understand why you do, but when I start feeling like this I try to simplify things. I realize we are all just here for a limited amount of time, we cannot go back in time so there's no use in dwelling on past memories if they're painful. Not sure if painful is the right word but for me depressed is more accurate. I know those happy times will never be exactly the same, the missed opportunities and regrets, and the realization that life will eventually end and maybe it's my fear of the unknown when it does end. Maybe your reason for feeling this way is the same as mine or maybe not but I don't think it's that unusual. People are emotional and complex.
Sometimes I feel this way and I understand why you do, but when I start feeling like this I try to simplify things. I realize we are all just here for a limited amount of time, we cannot go back in time so there's no use in dwelling on past memories if they're painful. Not sure if painful is the right word but for me depressed is more accurate. I know those happy times will never be exactly the same, the missed opportunities and regrets, and the realization that life will eventually end and maybe it's my fear of the unknown when it does end. Maybe your reason for feeling this way is the same as mine or maybe not but I don't think it's that unusual. People are emotional and complex.
Great response and you have clarified what I feel exactly right. The pain of missed opportunities is definitely part of the pain I feel. Being busy with what seems meaningless now, instead of paying attention to what was important then and is still now, and that I could have brought more joy into all of our lives. One reason why viewing old photographs bring pleasure but always mixed with some pain.
Yes what is past is gone forever and the present is all we got and future is uncertain. That does not necessarily diminish the fear of the future, but makes me grateful for what has been achieved in spite of it all.
Great response and you have clarified what I feel exactly right. The pain of missed opportunities is definitely part of the pain I feel. Being busy with what seems meaningless now, instead of paying attention to what was important then and is still now, and that I could have brought more joy into all of our lives. One reason why viewing old photographs bring pleasure but always mixed with some pain.
Yes what is past is gone forever and the present is all we got and future is uncertain. That does not necessarily diminish the fear of the future, but makes me grateful for what has been achieved in spite of it all.
You know what the people who have had NDE's say, don't you? The big message from The Beyond is: "Don't sweat the small stuff", and "It's ALL small stuff!". I know that's hard to see from an earthly perspective. But you did the best you could with the info you had to work with at the time, and with the amount of effort you were able to muster at the time. People go through phases of being overwhelmed or having tunnel vision due to other things going on in their lives. Everyone's just trying to muddle through this thing called Life the best they can.
Phases. Yes, I wonder about that. When I was a young mother I had the wedding pictures of a paternal and a maternal set of grandparents on my living room wall. They were in their turn-of-the-last-century frames and quite elegant.
I think for me they symbolized a source of strength that that generation carried. Maybe they made me feel supported.
There came a time later when I was sitting there alone one night and thought, That's it. Not one more minute of those stern old folks gazing down on me every day. I took them down right then and there and later replaced them with framed woodcuts and paintings made by my kids.
(They really didn't marry at an old age, it's just that I always saw them through a child's eyes.)
Now my kids have been gone a long time and I have sent all those things home with them little by little over the years. In their places are projects I have made and pictures of us on various vacations. Guess they're an affirmation of "Our Turn."
All my parent's photo albums are here and fifty-some years of our own life and family albums. I sample them in small doses promising some day when I'm Really Old and less mobile I will take time for a more thorough viewing.
But spending too much time looking through them is an emotional rollercoaster. The ups and downs of a lifetime. It takes some energy.
You know what the people who have had NDE's say, don't you? The big message from The Beyond is: "Don't sweat the small stuff", and "It's ALL small stuff!". I know that's hard to see from an earthly perspective. But you did the best you could with the info you had to work with at the time, and with the amount of effort you were able to muster at the time. People go through phases of being overwhelmed or having tunnel vision due to other things going on in their lives. Everyone's just trying to muddle through this thing called Life the best they can.
Also this: we are seeing with our mature eyes the young and inexperienced person that we were, blundering, and a bit lost, and so full of enotions. We are a bit lost now too but in a different way.
My kids are not yet grown but my wife and I do reminisce already about when they were younger. My wife kind of gets feelings like you describe, as if it's almost tragic that those times are over. I tend to see it that those are great memories and I loved them when they were little but I love the people they are growing up to be just as much. I also try to hold on to how they are now while looking forward to how they will continue to grow. Those younger years are precious but the whole person is a story of growth and experiences. Try to focus on your love for the whole person instead of just the child who was. And remember, as long as you're still breathing you've still got your own experiences left to discover, with yourself and with your grown children.
My kids are not yet grown but my wife and I do reminisce already about when they were younger. My wife kind of gets feelings like you describe, as if it's almost tragic that those times are over. I tend to see it that those are great memories and I loved them when they were little but I love the people they are growing up to be just as much. I also try to hold on to how they are now while looking forward to how they will continue to grow. Those younger years are precious but the whole person is a story of growth and experiences. Try to focus on your love for the whole person instead of just the child who was. And remember, as long as you're still breathing you've still got your own experiences left to discover, with yourself and with your grown children.
Very well said! Every growth stage is a process of unfolding of the eventual adult personality. Every state has its fascinating and potentially delightful aspects. Some people get so nostalgic for the past, that they miss the precious moments of the present.
I find it painful. Not just because they are about painful things, but even great memories of joyful summer vacations, my kids as children, our early days of marriage, my college and school days, everything only causes pain. Thinking of my son as a little boy, watching him hit a home run, it is almost a physical pain. My daughter so little and cute, so innocent, it hurts. I guess because those times are never coming back, they are grown and away, they live lives away from us. I know this sounds stupid. My husband can revel in memories endlessly and finds it strange i find nostalgia painful. I dont treasure memorabilia as most people do. I just want live in the present as it is.
Does anyone else feel this way or am i just truly weird?
You're just one of those glass half empty type of people!
I'm sure you're not that unusual. But when I think back of pleasant times, it makes me smile. That I did have those experiences. When I think of times I was sad or unhappy, I think of how I learned from those experiences.
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