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This article popped up in my feed the other day. I would say that sometimes it has, and sometimes it hasn't. People always used to tell me "you're so strong" when I'd be going through the zillionth latest challenge, but I also made crucial mistakes due to fear, confusion and despair. So for me, it's a toss-up.
I think adversity can teach us many things, good and bad. I don't believe it ALWAYS makes us stronger. Let's go back 200 years, and parents having 10 or more kids, many of them dying in childhood. How did that adversity make anyone strong? It might've made people compassionate, or stoic, or more spiritual maybe. Or maybe it made them a drunk. Or crazy.
Let's go back 100 years, and all the people who got polio, and spent their childhoods and adulthood in iron lungs, or being crippled for life. How did that adversity make anyone strong?
I mean...adversity is just...there. Just life. Some people rise above it, and some people don't.
I have a friend, a lot younger than me, who's husband slipped and fell on a wet floor, hit his head, and their life has not been the same since...and that was 8 years ago. He's had multiple surgeries, and many times they thought he wasn't going to make it. It's been traumatic for the whole family. EVERYONE in the family is dealing with PTSD over all the stuff they've all been through. They've had PLENTY of adversity. Has it made them stronger? I don't know. 2 of their kids have threatened suicide more than once, and one of the daughters recently ran away, and was gone for a few days. She came back. They were all worried sick.
But what's the alternative for my friend? She still has to get up in the morning, get the kids off to school, go to work, and put one foot in front of the other every day. I think, personally, that she IS a strong woman...but she's human, and she's been through a whole hell of a lot. The whole family has. But...they've had to. She's had to. What is she supposed to do? Give up?
Yeah, I can relate to that. Especially about not trusting people. And that is a very good point about "head down, nose to the grindstone."
The times when I wasn't strong, I made terrible decisions. (And of course, I made stupid decisions when I wasn't under stress, like getting married to the person I married.)
I am one that adversity made stronger, and continues to make stronger. I grew up hearing sort of same thing "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". Being older, I think when I was younger, being strong was highly regarded, today, not so much.
I have seen and continue to experience a lot of adversity. "Pollyanna" was one of my favorite movies as a child, and it still is. There is what they call a "Pollyanna" complex, which boils down to having emotional resilience (always, it could have been worse). I bounce back a little stronger every time, and I heard that people mellow with age, well, that isn't happening with me.
I am one that adversity made stronger, and continues to make stronger. I grew up hearing sort of same thing "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". Being older, I think when I was younger, being strong was highly regarded, today, not so much.
I have seen and continue to experience a lot of adversity. "Pollyanna" was one of my favorite movies as a child, and it still is. There is what they call a "Pollyanna" complex, which boils down to having emotional resilience (always, it could have been worse). I bounce back a little stronger every time, and I heard that people mellow with age, well, that isn't happening with me.
What adversity has given me is a reservoir of unpleasant experiences throughout my life which I successfully got through. Several times a person close to me suddenly died. As an adult I've experienced a financial meltdown and as a teen was often hurt (I wasn't actually a front-runner when it came to the girls.)
Today when things go south I allow myself to moan and groan for awhile but then it's time to take action.
I think the concept is at its best when it is taught young. But it takes time and hard knocks to prove true. Until then a person has to take it on faith.
Later you look back and see all you've survived and what you've learned and realize it can help. It doesn't turn life into Utopia.
Of course there are life events that do knock people flat. There's no guarantee that you can hope your way out of that. But the fact the people survive them without succumbing to a constant state of sobbing self-pity is evidence that they have strength..
My thought is that there's going to be a lot of days it rains on my parade. It's simply the way of the world. But that doesn't mean I have to spend my rainy days in misery. Either way I'm going to have them. Which feels better - finding something positive about my life on bad days or being miserable on top of having a bad day?
I do have a choice and believe all kids should be taught that the more they practice the better they will get at turning lemons into lemonade. All the power of psychiatry can't fix tragedy but it can teach you how to improve how you feel about it.
Some people resist this method. They get a "reward" out of being miserable. Humans rarely do anything for long without a reward. One of the first things I had to figure out before I turned my thinking in a more positive direction was what reward I was getting for dragging around being miserable.
No. It's a nonsensical "meme" pushed on the masses to make them accept misfortune and keep on pluggin' along. Head down, nose to the grindstone.
What adversity I've had, has made me cynical and bitter and distrusting. Not a good outcome.
It hasn't ruined my life, but no way has it improved it.
What did I learn? Not to trust people, government, justice system or companies. Or "conventional wisdom".
I want to address you and Sand&Salt because I usually enjoy your posts and agree with much of what you have to say.
Once upon a time self-sufficient people were championed. That was a tradition born out of real life and death hardship when the country was young. It truly was stand up and help each other or die. It wasn't that we were better people but rather if you didn't help others help might not be there for you if you needed it.
Today our social media darlings are often victims, the weak, the unfortunate. Remember the young girl whose mother created all kinds of medical conditions in her to get a new house and social support? Her personal growth was so stunted by this sick attempt at fame and fortune that she finally helped murder her mother.
I've seen quite a few created victims online with their websites and their "Go Fund Me"s, the resulting scandals and harm they've done to social trust. And I've seen many young people so emotionally pampered by their parents and others that they become eternal children well into their forties and fifties.
What if there was a "They?" And what if they wanted to keep us confused, and unhappy and hoping for just enough help from them to make us happier? What if they didn't want us to feel strong and confident that we didn't need so much government oversight? Where would they make their money and get their power without us?
I don't trust government, the justice system or companies either. Add modern medicine and organized religion. I want to see evidence that what they have to offer works. I have to try out the ideas and see.
I have to find ways to protect myself from what I don't trust. They all seem to be necessary evils.
But I'm not willing to live with bitter feelings. And that's something I don't need those agencies to fix. I can do that myself.
Agreed. If the adversity is ongoing or comes in wave after wave, it tends to weaken a person in my experience (my own). Very true that a person can only handle so much before they are compromised and have to work very hard to climb back up.
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