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Old 05-18-2013, 06:44 AM
 
Location: NW Philly Burbs
2,431 posts, read 4,341,932 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cully View Post
What was the financial arrangements during the caregiving time? I know situations where the house was given to the ones who did the caregiving over several years.

If both of you have equal rights, you need to set a time to go over contents/possessions and settle that. That'll be one item off the list of reasons to have/feel the need for access by the person not living there.

The two of you need to make an agreement about doing repairs. Blame the animals, your irregular schedule, your desire to accomodate him and 'get out of their way', your hobby/occupation that might be in their way, your perhaps being in the middle of a meal with friends, whatever, to ask for a little notice before the non-resident comes over. Put it off on your concern about your sibling or animals or whatever and take the onus off you.

Did this sibling enter at will while you were caregiving in the past? Why start doing this now in your home? Was this your home while caregiving...where you spent the days and nights and had no other home?

Yes, good manners and common sense would say your sibling should not want to enter at will. You could think he was an intruder. You could have someone visiting who thought he was an intruder. He could be disturbing your sleep, meditation, walk in on a luncheon.

Perhaps it's grief, perhaps fear of you, but too much of what's going on is inappropriate in some regard.
A LOT of good advice here. It's not really about rights, but common courtesy.

For peace of mind, while you are at home in the house, put the chain on the door, so that your sleep, showers, etc. won't be interrupted. He will still be admitted to the house after he rings the bell, like any other visitor. Of course, it doesn't prevent him from entering while you are out.
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Old 05-18-2013, 07:22 AM
 
5,048 posts, read 6,290,952 times
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I recall a situation where two siblings both felt a part of the home they were willed. One took care of their dad for many many years...POA, banking, groceries as dad aged in place. Cleaned, decorated, prepared for holidays to keep it as when dad was younger, arranged for some repairs, etc. Couple of calls a day, frequent visits often for hours at a time while also having his own home and family to go to.

The other lived further but went to the home often and stayed there in a designated room that was his, not just a "guest" room. This brother did many repairs.

So when it came time to clean out the furniture and sell, brother 1 was efficiently set to have a sale of most remaining items family members didn't want.

Then it was suddenly realized that the brother who actually lived overnights in the house would be devastated when he came out of his bedroom to find no inexpensive silverware, no chipped bowls for cereal, no old table to eat at as he had shared with dad for decades. Simple things but significant.

So mutual respect came into play. Which means realizing these things and talking with each other about these things.
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Old 05-18-2013, 07:38 AM
 
6,353 posts, read 7,209,852 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
My future living arrangements will be across the country. I'm staying in the house for a couple months while managing the work and sale. I'm not going to stay at a hotel if I own a house.
Well, that's different. It would be rather impractical to find a temporary rental and rather expensive to stay at a hotel. Still, you need to simply talk to your brother about your expectations and work things out. It is not really "your" house--it belongs to both of you. Frankly, I see no problem with him working late to fix the place up. Apparently, he wants to get things taken care of without dragging things out. But put a chain on the door, as suggested, if you need to secure your privacy. Work it out. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.
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Old 05-18-2013, 09:04 AM
 
9,360 posts, read 5,550,436 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
How is saying that I don't want construction work done after 8 PM "laying down the law". I've never had someone who was a handyman or contractor, expect to work after 6 PM.

You're right. I feel entitled to live in the house. I'm one of the owners.
So you can live there and do what you want but your brother has a list of rules from you... 8PM curfew for the other owner doing work is pushing it. It's just a few months, just let it go. He should not be walking in on you without knocking though, that is the only thing I would ask him.
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Old 05-18-2013, 09:05 AM
 
3,407 posts, read 5,072,201 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jackmichigan View Post
Well, that's different. It would be rather impractical to find a temporary rental and rather expensive to stay at a hotel. Still, you need to simply talk to your brother about your expectations and work things out. It is not really "your" house--it belongs to both of you. Frankly, I see no problem with him working late to fix the place up. Apparently, he wants to get things taken care of without dragging things out. But put a chain on the door, as suggested, if you need to secure your privacy. Work it out. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.

I agree w most of this. But him staying past midnite a few times isn't going to get the house ready for sale any more than a couple days earlier. I'm going to be working on the house full time as well. I work "normal" hours, until about 8 PM or 9PM at the latest. Due to the hard surfaces in the house, sound travels easily, so if I had to sleep late in the morning because he was working very late, when most people sleep, then that would cut into my working time. Anyway, I doubt he will do that. I was just wonder about IF he would want to.
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Old 05-18-2013, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Florida -
8,126 posts, read 9,834,766 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
How is saying that I don't want construction work done after 8 PM "laying down the law". I've never had someone who was a handyman or contractor, expect to work after 6 PM.

You're right. I feel entitled to live in the house. I'm one of the owners.
You said you weren't going to call the cops (as though you had all the rights of full ownership). You also clearly expect to impose limitations on (four) pets, living arrangements, repair schedule and children's access.

IF you hired a handyman or contractor, they would be working during the day, which would really interfere with your work schedule (It sounds like your brother is doing this work in the evening following his regular job (?)).

Since you are only ONE of the owners ... and your brother is the OTHER, your sense of 'entitlement' is now also subject to his sense of 'entitlement.' --- If you were my sister, we would have already worked this out between us, but, apparently you are making your plans without consulting him.
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Old 05-18-2013, 10:59 AM
 
3,407 posts, read 5,072,201 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jghorton View Post
You said you weren't going to call the cops (as though you had all the rights of full ownership). You also clearly expect to impose limitations on (four) pets, living arrangements, repair schedule and children's access.

IF you hired a handyman or contractor, they would be working during the day, which would really interfere with your work schedule (It sounds like your brother is doing this work in the evening following his regular job (?)).

Since you are only ONE of the owners ... and your brother is the OTHER, your sense of 'entitlement' is now also subject to his sense of 'entitlement.' --- If you were my sister, we would have already worked this out between us, but, apparently you are making your plans without consulting him.

I'm not making plans without consulting him. I'm thinking ahead, nothing is written in stone. We will be figuring out all of this together.

Only one of the pets are mine. The others came with the house. So far, I have taken all of the burden of caring for them. It's not like I brough a bunch of animals in the house and expect for other people's lives to revolve around them. When someone dies and you inherit their house with pets in place, I think it's your responsibility to care for the animals and find homes for them. That's what I have been doing.

If a contractor was working during the day at the house, it wouldn't interfere with my schedule. A normal contractors schedule, is what would work best. Those would be the times, I'd be working on the house as well. I'm going to be putting 80+ hours of my own time into the house.
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Old 05-18-2013, 11:22 AM
 
4,948 posts, read 15,952,880 times
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I think it is good to have someone in the house rather than leaving it empty and it is just
the right and polite thing to do is ask if it is ok when you want to come in the house.

You treat the person there with respect as you would if the parents are there you dont just barge in
when you wish.
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Old 05-18-2013, 11:32 AM
 
4,948 posts, read 15,952,880 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moby Hick View Post
Depending on the state, how long the OP lived there, and under what circumstances, the OP may indeed have rights that didn't die with the owner and are not specified except in state law.

For example: RIGHTS OF A LONG-TERM GUEST AT A RESIDENCE

(I'm not a lawyer or anything.)
I think you are correct also and maybe if this turns bad she should consult an attorey to find
out the answer. Also insurance companies don't like having a house empty.
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Old 05-18-2013, 01:59 PM
 
2,287 posts, read 2,468,087 times
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I agree with Maggie. Felix, I was sorta in the same situation. I took care of my mom and her home was mine also, as in I lived there. When she passed, I had 6 other heirs/co-owners. Even though a couple of them were/are jerks, it somehow was understood I deserved my privacy. All of them called 1st.


I dont know about legalities, but common sense tells you that it is your home until you move out. Your brother should always call you 1st. And about the pets, for good lord, you can sell a house with pets, people do it everyday. At my moms, I had her 3 cats and my two dogs. I also never left the house for showings, just took the pups and stayed out of sight.


You took care of your AND your brothers relative, he should show you the respect you deserve and even though he's a co-owner, treat the house as your home. It'd be different if you were refusing him access. Good luck.
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