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I have no clue why my SIL hates me. The situation is tearing our families apart. I was hoping you could shed some light on this.
1.I asked her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. Her response: "I'd rather be the MC." I already had an MC picked out so I told her I wanted her to be a bridesmaid since her husband, my husband's brother was the best man.
2. She is very overweight and she did not like the dress as it was a halter style and it exposed her arms. Mind you the dress came with a shawl that would cover her arms. She insisted she need to have a bolero made. I said fine. Then she complained about not being able to find shoes as her feet are too wide.
3. The ring boy was her 2 year old son. She DID NOT even let him be in the wedding pictures at all as she claimed he was too young and needed his nap.
4. She did not come to my bachelorette party
5. The day before the wedding she calls me to complain that she is stressed over the problems building her house and she tell me she hopes my wedding dress still fits me????
6. She stops talking to us after the wedding. So now my husband and his brother don't talk.
7. MIL gets on our case....wants us to make ammends. I decide to be the bigger person and make the first move to talk to her at her daughter's baptism. I tell her her daughter is beautiful etc.
8.We are on speaking terms again.
She is cleaning out her closet and offers me some jackets that her son outgrew. I tell her its ok that he has enough clothes and she says"Take them or they are just going to go to goodwill."
9.I give birth to 3 children and never once has she even picked up the phone to acknowledge their birth.
10. Fast forward....I invite her to my sons 3 year birthday party. She doesn't come with the excuse that her 3 year old daughter needed to nap.
11. I invite her to my daughter's baptism and she says her son has a soccer game that day.
12. I decided I can't do this any longer. I cannot get along with this woman.
I just do not understand why the woman hates me so much. I don't know what I have done to her to deserve this. MIL is constantly on my husband's case that we should all get along. I already swallowed my pride once and took the initiative to make ammends but then she starts playing these mind games and disrespecting my children.
MIL always takes their side in this.
Is she this way with only you, or does everyone get this sort treatment? Could be she's just a miserable person, unhappy with herself and her own life and isn't able to filter out that stuff when dealing with people. She might be envious of you, or maybe she just doesn't like you. Sometimes it doesn't take much. You know, when you meet someone and there is just something about them that rubs you the wrong way, maybe that's how she feels about you. Me personally, I wouldn't extend any more invitations her way, family or not. I think you've done enough on your end.
To me it sounds like she made up her mind to hate you. Also it sounds like she likes to have things her way.
Are you in better shape than her? You said that she is very overweight. She might be jealous of you.
I'd be cordial to her but I wouldn't go out of my way to be buddy buddy with her.
How is your husband handling this? Quite honestly, if I were your husband, I'd be talking to my brother about her attitude towards you and try to see what is going on.
With me, if someone in the family started being nasty to my wife or taking an attitude with her, I'd be butting in and nipping it in the bud right there.
Keeping peace in the family is one thing, but one should not have to keep peace in the family if one is getting treated like crap.
So for whatever reason she is rude to you, probably a waste of your time trying to deal with it. I recommend you always be kind and friendly to her. I was the 2nd wife and my former (now deceased SIL) took about 10 years to warm up to me. I had so much going on in my life I didn't have time/energy to really care. I let my husband coordinate with his brother around family gathering logistics.
Accept any invitations they extend and attend when you possibly can. I'd have your husband invite his brother & and family to any whole family events that you are inviting all the rest of the family and understand she may not attend. If its a potluck, your DH can mention that to BIL and he can request beverages or chips, bread, etc..... Always speak kindly of and with enthusiasm about your SIL when around your MIL. If you were able to extract anything personal about her (example: "She sure enjoyed helping little Angie sell girl scout cookies!") bring it up cheerily in conversation to you MIL. That will give your MIL the sense of well-being that all is good with the world between her sons. Sometimes, dear, you just gotta fake it and move on. She's not worth any more effort and just faking it is a big part of making the rest of your family life happy.
^^ is good advice. There's really nothing you can do. I would make sure that you are not the one extending invitations to her. Keep it between the husbands/brothers. Stay out of it. I will bet you that her husband has no idea she has turned down invitations or the flimsy excuses she has given for doing so. So back out of the situation and dump the responsibility where it belongs, on your husband. And follow the rest of the above advice - it's wonderful.
I can't offer any advice better than what's already been given, but I may be able to add some perspective. My SIL was always hateful to me too. At first she was nice but when her husband left her she turned nasty on me and made my life miserable for years. Fast forward 23 years and my husband left me and she's been very supportive--of me. It turns out that all of those feelings that she had were actually negative feelings towards him and they got transferred to me b/c I was part of the "package" and I was the woman. We're actually almost friends at this point and I feel I can call her and talk whenever I need to.
So, my question here is, how does she get along with your husband? I thought my husband and SIL got along, they seemed to, but there were def some buried feelings from the past, and I think she felt safer being mean to me than to my husband.
Interestingly, all of my former in-laws seem to like me a lot better these days, but part of that is me--I'm no longer uncomfortable with them b/c I don't have to talk to them anymore. It's a very freeing feeling, and for years I wished that I didn't have to go see them, but when he left I realized that I was really going to miss them and I have. Go figure, but then they were family and still are, in a sense.
I have no clue why my SIL hates me. The situation is tearing our families apart. I was hoping you could shed some light on this.
1.I asked her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. Her response: "I'd rather be the MC." I already had an MC picked out so I told her I wanted her to be a bridesmaid since her husband, my husband's brother was the best man.
2. She is very overweight and she did not like the dress as it was a halter style and it exposed her arms. Mind you the dress came with a shawl that would cover her arms. She insisted she need to have a bolero made. I said fine. Then she complained about not being able to find shoes as her feet are too wide.
3. The ring boy was her 2 year old son. She DID NOT even let him be in the wedding pictures at all as she claimed he was too young and needed his nap.
4. She did not come to my bachelorette party
5. The day before the wedding she calls me to complain that she is stressed over the problems building her house and she tell me she hopes my wedding dress still fits me????
6. She stops talking to us after the wedding. So now my husband and his brother don't talk.
7. MIL gets on our case....wants us to make ammends. I decide to be the bigger person and make the first move to talk to her at her daughter's baptism. I tell her her daughter is beautiful etc.
8.We are on speaking terms again.
She is cleaning out her closet and offers me some jackets that her son outgrew. I tell her its ok that he has enough clothes and she says"Take them or they are just going to go to goodwill."
9.I give birth to 3 children and never once has she even picked up the phone to acknowledge their birth.
10. Fast forward....I invite her to my sons 3 year birthday party. She doesn't come with the excuse that her 3 year old daughter needed to nap.
11. I invite her to my daughter's baptism and she says her son has a soccer game that day.
12. I decided I can't do this any longer. I cannot get along with this woman.
I just do not understand why the woman hates me so much. I don't know what I have done to her to deserve this. MIL is constantly on my husband's case that we should all get along. I already swallowed my pride once and took the initiative to make ammends but then she starts playing these mind games and disrespecting my children.
MIL always takes their side in this.
Sorry this is so long....Your thoughts?
This list is 30% about her being a bee-yotch, and 70% is you whining because she isn't meeting your demands and expectations.
No one is obligated to attend your bachlorette party. No one is obligated to attend your kid's baptism. No one is oblgated to attend your child's birthday party. No one is obligated to be your bridesmaid. No one is obligated to call you and acknowledge the birth of your children. Yes these things would be nice, but they are all about what you want. You can't always get what you want.
If you stop taking everything so personally, you will probably be able to get along with her well enough at family functions. Interaction beyond that simply isn't necessary.
Skrew her. Stay away from her and when you do HAVE to be around her, avoid her by going to another room etc. If you DO have to speak politely say hello and other pleasantries. Keep it very, very superficial if you know what I mean. I have been going through this with my DH sister's (7 of them) over the last 24 years!! Don't let it bother you.
Live your life and ignore what the MIL says too. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
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